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You don't need any description for this page do you?? The funniest quotes on earth!! .. Will make you laugh darn hard! ... If you've got a bunch of funny quotes then please send it over and I'll add them to this page.

• A closed mouth gathers no feet.
  
  
• A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
  
  
• A king's castle is his home.
  
  
• A penny saved is ridiculous.
  
  
• All that glitters has a high refractive index.
  
  
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
  
  
• Anarchy is better than no government at all.
  
  
• Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
  
  
• As you read the scroll, it vanishes...
  
  
• Automobile - A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people.
  
  
• Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
  
  
• Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one I've never tried before.
  
  
• Brain -- the apparatus with which we think that we think.
  
  
• BATCH - A group, kinda like a herd.
  
  
• Computer modelers simulate it first.
  
  
• Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.
  
  
• Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.
  
  
• Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
  
  
• Courage is your greatest present need.
  
  
• CLEARASOL - Effective sunspot remover.
  
  
• Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
  
  
• Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.
  
  
• Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.
  
  
• Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
  
  
• Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
  
  
• Drive defensively -- buy a tank.
  
  
• Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail friends.
  
  
• Entropy isn't what it used to be.
  
  
• Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them use to reality.
  
  
• Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
  
  
• He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
  
  
• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  
  
• Help support helpless victims of computer error.
  
  
• Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it.
  
  
• History does not repeat itself, -- historians merely repeat each other.
  
  
• I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
  
  
• If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you were headed.
  
  
• If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
  
  
• I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
  
  
• In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds.
  
  
• It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
  
  
• It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
  
  
• Jury -- Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
  
  
• KODACLONE - duplicating film.
  
  
• Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
  
  
• Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something else.
  
  
• Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
  
  
• Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
  
  
• MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.
  
  
• Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
  
  
• NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
  
  
• Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
  
  
• Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
  
  
• QUARKBAR - the candy with flavour and charm.
  
  
• QUASIMOTO - 4 wheeled hard-top moped made in France.
  
  
• Reality's the only obstacle to happiness.
  
  
• Screw up your life, you've screwed everything else up.
  
  
• Silver's law: If Murphy's law can go wrong it will.
  
  
• SQWERTY - Computer keyboard sized down for use by children.
  
  
• SYSTEM GOING DOWN AT 4:45 THIS AFTERNOON FOR DISK CRASHING.
  
  
• The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.
  
  
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  
  
• The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
  
  
• The road to to success is always under construction.
  
  
• Those who can't write, write help files.
  
  
• To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
  
  
• To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.
  
  
• Today is the last day of your life so far.
  
  
• TRAPEZOID - A device for catching zoids.
  
  
• Wasting time is an important part of life.
  
  
• When all else fails, read the instructions.
  
  
• When in doubt, don't bother.
  
  
• When in doubt, ignore it.
  
  
• Xerox does it again and again and again and...
  
  
• XMODEM - A spot-marking transfer protocol.
  
  
• YTERM - A terminal program for queries.
  
  
• Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing
  the job  WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
  
  
• If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then
  you  probably haven't completely understood the seriousness
  of the situation.
  
  
• If at first you don't succeed, try management.
  
  
• Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
  
  
• TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
  
  
• We waste time, so you don't have to.
  
  
• Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
  
  
• Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
  
  
• A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
  
  
• INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
  
  
• Succeed in spite of management.
  
  
• Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
  
  
• Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.