~ Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

~ Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.

~ We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

~ He who laughs last thinks slowest.

~ Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.

~ It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

~ Auntie Em, Hate You, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

~ Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

~ I get enough excercise just pushing my luck.

~ All men are idiots, and I married there King.

~ Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.

~ Montana - at least our cows our sane!

~ Women who seek to equal to men lack ambition.

~ Reality is a cruch for people who can't handle drugs.

~ Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

~ OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

~ Few women admit their age; Fewer man act it.

~ I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

~ Hard work has a future pay off. Laziness pays off NOW!

~ Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.

~ Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

~ Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

~ A bartender is just a pharmacist with a linked inventory.

~ Warning: Dates in Calander are closer than they appear.

~ Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

~ We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things got worse.

~ Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

~ Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

~ Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

~ Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

~ There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

~ Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

~ Keep honking...I'm reloading.

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