FOOD SPOILAGE TABLE

Here it is, the secret chart used by bachelors worldwide, because they don't have wives who can recognize on sight (and sometimes before) when the Big Mac has become one with the special sauce.

FREEZER FOODS:

ICE CREAM - If you can't tell the difference between your ice cubes and your ice cream, it's time to throw BOTH out.

FROZEN FOODS - Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.

IN THE FRIDGE:

EGGS - When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS - Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt.
Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese.
Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese.
Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway--if you can dig down and still find something non-green, bon appetite!.

MEAT - If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, toss the meat.

LETTUCE - Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without Comet and a brillo pad.

CARROTS - A carrot you can tie a clove hitch in is no longer fresh.

CHIP DIP - If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.

ON THE SHELF:

CANNED GOODS - Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a basketball should be disposed of... Very carefully.

WINE - Should not be confused with salad dressing.

POTATOES - Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.

THE GAG TEST - Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).

GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: - Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this.