~~~ We're way past eggs cookin' here! ~~~

You Know It's Hot Outside When...

* You notice your car overheating before you drive it.

* Your computer won't work unless it has it's own AC blowing on it.

* Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.

* Airplanes can't land because the asphalt is too soft.

* You discover that it only takes two fingers to drive your car.

* The swans in the park come in "original recipe" and "extra crispy"

* Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.

* The strawberries are ripe and the cab drivers are riper

* Your pool water starts to boil in the sun

* The hot-dogs sold outside Yankee Stadium are actually hot

* Pigs complain about sweating like fat humans

* A scalding hot shower still cools you down

* You've been getting hot flashes, and you're a man

* People walking down the sidewalk spontaneously burst into flames

* A $20 surcharge is added to your bill when you eat at air-conditioned restaurants

* The politicians take their hands out of your pockets to fan themselves

* You need a spatula to remove your clothing

* When the beer gut and big butt don't keep you from wearing shorts

* You wish you had gotten the cloth seats instead of leather

* You ask your boss for extra work so you can be in the air conditioning as much as possible

* You are sweating in both directions -- up and down!

* Lawyers kill themselves because they know it's cooler in Hell

* It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets.

* Sunscreen is sold at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just to go shopping.

* You burn your hand opening the car door.

* You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

* You are sitting inside reading these jokes

* Your brother's braces make blisters on his lips