1. Wait until Mommy sits down, surrounds herself with papers, and starts to sip hot coffee. Then go over to her, grab the hand holding the coffee mug (take care to only spill it on her) --pull her to the center of the floor, set her down and walk away.
2. If fed something that disagrees with your idea of a pleasant texture, quickly grab the arm of someone near you and wipe your tongue off on their sleeve.
3. While watching your favorite video, hit the stop button or the power button and turn it off. Begin to cry, or go get someone to turn it back on. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
4. When asked for a kiss, pretend that you are gonna give one, then quickly turn your head and giggle.
5. A quick way to get out of a therapy session: Put on the cute, tired face. Crawl into therapists lap and go to sleep. If you are not tired, just fake it. Rub your eyes and suck your thumb --adults fall for that everytime. When the therapist leaves run in circles for one hour. Repeat.
6. Another quick way to get out of a therapy session: Pretend to hate getting a bath. Then when therapist comes run to the bathroom and crawl into the tub. Mommy will be pleased to take advantage of this and she will let you take a bath. For extra fun splash the therapist.
7. Patience is not an option, you must have everything right away. Cry and stomp your feet, this always works.
8. Develope a love for the feel of skin. Walk up to strangers and feel their legs. Put your head up their shirts. Just the girls, now, the guys are too hairy.
9. Watch CMT as much as possible. Cry when the channel is changed. Enjoy all the song sung in any major key. If a song in a minor key begins, start to cry, grab the nearest arm and run for the back door. Demand to be let out.
10. Only talk when you hear something worth repeating. Note: I am still not talking and I am five.
11. You can make Mommy's day by giggling, getting her to chase you, and insisting on being tickled!!
12. Most important: Stick to the offical autism diet that is on page 2456 of the manual. This involves only eating peanut butter sandwiches, McDonalds french fries, and gummy bears.