A psychopathical view of insanity (version -5623.7)
By Dr. Axe Wielding Maniac

Hello all of you viewers. Are you mad? Working on it? Well, I'm here to help.What is insanity you might axe? Well, if you are axing that question, I'm afraid you need to most help of all.

Insanity - when your mind goes on a long vacation and never comes back.

Mine is currently residing happily somewhere on Saturn. I don't miss my mind, it writes occasionally.

You might be thinking 'well, Dr. Maniac, how can I be insane also?' Very simple question to answer indeed. Just let you mind go and start saying senseless things is the best way to start. Never mind reason or logic, just do whatever your primal instincts want you to. A fine example of this would be to just walk up to a random person and scream random crap, such as:

"Why are you walking in front of that extinguishing lemon? It will squeeze itself and spurt out hydroclhoric acid all over your pretty little shoes and you will be put in a farm. The animals in that farm will do things to you, lick you and spit on you and look at you all day. Then you will come crying to me, but I warned you! YES I DID LADY! HAAAAPPY AXE!"

The best thing to do now is to run away, flailing your arms wildly and making faces like you used to in the mirror when you were 5. If you didn't make faces when you were 5, you were probably sane. Bad little children you were.

Now that you have had your first insane experience, just let it flow. When you eat, just jump up on a table and proclaim to the world that your lunch has no axe. That makes people think you are strange. Exactly what you want! Go out and watch insane things, like the three stooges and CNN. CNN might make you go really insane though.

Stories of the Insane Nature

Insanity in the classroom by Richard Parrow

Last year my friends and I were freshmen. We all took the same "Computer Applications" class. Needless to say it was the easiest crappiest course I have ever taken.

We had to do a slide show that was a comic book. Hehe, the gears started turning in our mindless heads and the outcome was very very crazy indeed.

First, lets talk of my friend David Munster's project. He brought back a thanksgiving turkey that he made in the 8th grade named the doom turkey. The doom turkey had red eyes and a shotgun. Dave's cartoon depicted the doom turkey hunting down the pink pilgrim Tom Bartillo. He killed Tom violently with a scythe, grim reaper style.

Then came my comic. Where as Dave's was more psychopathical, mine represented pure bizzare insanity. The main character was a floating head with wierd hair and spiraling eyes. He meets up with his friend, a floating hand with odd looking eyes and the word 'Ozzy' backwards on it. Ozzy stated 'I want all of my garbanzio'. The next scene had about 5-6 different and demented creations that all were floating and saying senseless babble. Ozzy was upside down and saying stuff in the Wingdings font. The final pages were just more senseless babble that I forget. I got, suprisingly enough, a 95. The teacher wrote 'Despite your disclaimer this is still way to bizzare.' Hehe! An earlier version of the floating head appeared in 'the genetic mistake' that Dave and I made in our science class.

My friend Justin did an excellent job of making fun of somebody we know named Kevin Waldron. He has gone through hundreds of nicknames, and at the time his was Grifo. Justins comic was 'El Grifo Loco'. It showed Kevin as a wierd multicolored freak who played football with 4 year olds and still lost. Then, his brother Dylan, at the time he was 4, came up and killed everybody, including Kevin, in a bloody scene of severed appendages and stuff. The final frame stated 'The amount of chicks that Dylan got after this is unimaginable.'

I think we all got 95s. 5 points taken off for mindless insanity. Haha, success.

The Eyes by Richard Parrow

I just so happened that shortly after meeting somebody online, an extremely insane Brad the Mad Shopping Cart, that we happened to be chatting. I saw the eyes! THE EYES!! AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN!!!!! AHHHH!!! Brad freaked. I killed a few neighbors. It was crazy.

Brad told some guy that the eyes were watching him. In a mass spree of insanity we wrote him about the eyes watching him. The following was the result:

You know what? EYE do. The EYES are WATCHING you. Richard Parrow am EYE, being watched are you. EYE have been told by the voice in my head, who are actually friends with the EYES, that they are watching you!

Keep an EYE out for me. I am in the shadows, me and the EYES, and we are WATCHING you. Ha ha ha ha!!! You never know when we will come out of those shadows, EYES and all.

I am the EYE of death, the time of purification is in SIGHT. You remember those eyes? The ones WATCHING you? They will flush you down the toilet like the WATCHED little frail child you are.

Sleep with one EYE open my little friend, or you don't know what UNSIGHTLY horrorsyou will SEE! He he, look in the mirror when you tell me whos insane. But you know what you will SEE? EYES STARING at you. PopEYE the sailor man, toot toot!

(The eye of death toilet thing was taken by a letter to the keebler elfs by Gaelen. I will post his work on here someday. It is the craziest thing I've ever seen, SERIOUSLY)

Some movies that you should see:

Falling Down (the main guy goes completely nuts, played by Michael Douglas)
Braveheart (senseless violence, and an axe)
Monty Python: ANYTHING (you have to see these!)
Loose Canons (has a guy who is insane, played by Dan Akroid)
UHF (wierd al's movie quite insane)
the princess bride (really cool movie, look for INIGO MONTOYA)
jerky boys (these people make demented prank calls)
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the name says it all)
Pink Floyd : The Wall (FREAKIER THAN MONTY PYTHON ANIMATION!!)
The Ewok Adventure (tukatrok: crazy ewok with an axe!!!!)

Games to play:

Quest for Glory 1-4 (buy them all)
Monkey Island 1-3 (awesome, funny, insane)
Kyrandia 3: Malcolm's Revenge (you play an insane jester. voices in head)
Super Bomberman or Atomic Bomberman (this game will make you insane)

Words to live by:

"Insane, crazy, deranged, fanatic, demented, psycho, bizzare, abnormal, freak, wierd, strange, lunatic, mad, menaical, paranoic, bemused, senseless, axe, crackpot, bananna tree, raving, delirious, ranting, frenzied."

"It was like this when I got here"
"He did it"
"What? Do you think I could break something? I'm shocked!"
"Well, you won't be needing this..."
"Look! Behind you, a purple dragon!"
"This most definitly has no axe"
"Blame it on the guy who can't speak english"
"Psycho-alpha-disco-beta-bio-aqua-doloop."

Now that you've had some insane influences, you are all set to become a complete and utter loony. All you need is to send email to rparr@ix.netcom.com , tell him "I want to be a maniac too". He will make you up a certificate of insanity that you can print out in whatever non-macintosh image type (ie gif, jpg,etc) that you wish. Your's can be customized, with your own insane little quotes on it, or whatever you want without reason.

Special thanks go to:
the voices, Amy Irons, Dave Munster, Gaelen Griffen