The Three Fine Slayers of Rupert Giles

After The Three Fine Daughter of Farmer Brown by Eddie From Ohio

Co-written with Seanan McGuire, Batya Wittenberg, Jason Schneiderman
and Jonathan Lennox

Breakin' heads in Sunnydale city
The three fine Slayers of Rupert Giles
Takin' turns on the walk through the boneyard
Slayin' demons in the the finest style.
No one knew when they went patrollin',
The three fine Slayers of Rupert Giles
They didn't know that the streets of the city'd hide
The three Slayers fate along the midnight mile...

Rupert Giles had a Slayer named Buffy
She was the oldest and blondest of three
She'd go straight from the cheerleadin' tryouts
To stakin' vampires in the cemetary.
The vamps came a-courtin' but she'd keep her distance
(Actually she didn't, but she played it cool);
Some say she's a little bit psychotic
Burned down the gym and then blew up the school.

Watcher Giles had a Slayer named Kendra
The second called and the good girl of the three.
She took her lessons straight out of the handbook,
A textbook example of propriety.
The vamps would attack her and she would repell 'em
Using Mister Pointy she could never miss.
Claimed that she'd never needed friends or family.
Sweet sixteen and she was never kissed.

Breakin' heads...

Ripper Giles had Faith in his Slayer;
Pity it was Faith that had the farthest to fall.
Want-take-have was the whole of her scripture,
Until the day arrived she thought she'd lost it all.
The Scoobies would shun her and she would condemn 'em
For bein' hypocritical, too holy-for-thou.
She walked away, took sides with the Mayor,
Tellin' him 'Daddy, I'm your good girl now...'

You know the three had nothing in common
Save for the calling that they each had heard;
Kendra came running to help out Buffy,
Died at Drusilla's hands without a word.
Faith didn't count on the strength of repentance
Turned back to good to keep the world alive.
Buffy died twice and bid for a third one --
Sometimes the hardest thing is so survive.

Bridge:
Some may recall the stories of the Slayers
Catalogued and referenced in the Watcher's files.
Some say they still hear the fightin' and the flirtin'
And the preachin' of the Slayers of Rupert Giles!

Breakin' heads in Sunnydale...
June 14, 2003 (Buffycon)

We finally managed to use the "breaking heads" line, which had been suggested umpteen times.