I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry, because, let's face it, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? - Age 15

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I can't change, and a great big bag of money. - Age 13

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the President's birthday, like they do for the Queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends. - Age 8

Home is where the house is. - Age 6

I often wonder why John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some people think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he sucks. - Age 15

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens when you leave it out. - Age 6

My younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I suppose I should have told him the truth - that most of us go to hell and burn eternally - but I didn't want to upset him. - Age 15

I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basicelements and I show him a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts. - Age 15

I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrmmmm." Unless it was just a lawnmower. - Age 11

I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog. Then I tell them to kill him anyway because I've already given away all his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor. - Age 14

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple days saved up. - Age 7

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. - Age 15

Think of the biggest number you can come up with. Now add five, Then imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could come up with! - Age 6

The only stupid question is the one you don't ask. Except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?" - Age 15

Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed them, right? - Age 15

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. - Age 15