ORIGINAL SCRIPT :
NOTE: The following is purely fictional and has no association whatsoever with the living, the dead nor the living dead in the past, present, or future.
Writer / Producer / Director : Me, me and me.
THE CAST
Rose
Jack(s) :
Prologue
Everyone knew what happened after the tragedy in 1919. Rose was saved, but alas mighty Jack froze to death in the cruel waters of the Artic. Nevertheless, unknown to all, Jack's body was preserved and using today's modern and sophisticated technology, a cloning project was carried out.
Unfortunately, the project was disastrous, resulting in 8 Jacks ( something like Multiplicity, only far worse) prancing around this earth. So what happened? Read on to find out!
Scene 1
Once morning, Rose was safe and snug inside her condominium watching ASTRO. All of a sudden, she heard the current hit song ( at that time ) -- "My Brain Will Go Out" taken from the record-breaking love movie of the decade, "STOMACHIC" (pronounced as "star-mug-egg"), sung by Bakthiar Dion. Being a curious girl who poked her Pinocchio-long nose into everything, she decided to check it out.
Scene 2
Trouble come troubling Rose right after she went outside. Not only did she clumsily forgot her condo-keys and credit cards, she had also walked between 2 drunk, charging Godzillas. ( Itulah, dah katapun, dun drink and drive, tapi tak nak dengar…)
Rose : (blood-curdling scream) Oh Jack, I killed my brother…
Scene 4
The so-called "higher ground" was the top of Mt. Everest. Rose nearly fell of, but she persistently hung on to the Malaysian flag which was firmly planted on this highest peak some time ago.
Rose : (determined tone with music blaring in the background) yeah, going 4 gold -- Bentsun and Hedjes *hey, we had to have some sponsors funding this project!*
Scene 5 Fortunately, a gigantic chicken caught Rose in its claws. (Don't fret, there's always plastic/laser surgery) Unfortunately, the dumb, slightly short-sighted bird thought that her head was an egg (egghead-lah katakan). So the monster chicken took Rose to her nest and sat on her.
Scene 6
Juz before the hundred-tonne chicken did that, Jack the Fibber walked pass.
Rose : (her throat dry and unable to produce sound)*^%&(&*……ß crackling voice
(after she popped Fisherpersun's Friend into her mouth)
Rose again : (sweet, melodious voice) ROTiiiiiiiiiiii………
Jack the Fibber heard her desperate cries for help and proceeded to whisper something into the chicken's ear, and amazingly, the chicken flew away with Jack the Fibber still on it's back.
Chicken : The sky is falling!!
Jack : I believe I can fly…I believe I can fall…
Scene 7
(music : U are not alone, I am here with you…)
As it turned out, Cinderella's wicked stepmother was sitting next to Rose on the tree. Then, Jack the Lumberjack cut down the trunk of that tree with his trusty chainsaw ( SITLH
-- cares for the environment)
and got Rose down.
Scene 8
Unfortunately, Rose landed right on the foot ( feet, does it matter? ) of Alexander the Great (yup, they cloned this guy too, and he had grown into a towering figure of 9ft. as a result of over-conditioning). This mean man chased Rose across the Prairie … then from the icy mountains to the burning heat of the desert.
Alexander my man : I came, I saw, I conquered…
Jack the Crooner : (clearly a fan of Anggun) Snow on the Sahara…
Scene 9
Rodeo Jack then lassoed Rose with his trusty rope…and in the process tripping Alexander, who fell down like London Bridge. ( London Bridge is falling down, falling down…)
Scene 10
With her high heels and all, Rose slipped and rolled down Bk. Tanjung Batu, thus wrapping the rope around her.
She came to a halt juz before she rolled into a pond filled with Piranha-X (patented by Mabel).
Scene 11
As luck would have it, Rose was now lying on the lauchpad of Apollo 13 (the pond was next to the launchpad) And now you know what REALLY happened, and what had caused the malfunction)
Scene 12
The shuttle was ready 4 take off, 3…2…1…blast off… the huge impact of the roaring inferno resulted in "thrust", of which propelled Rose into the air and out of sea.
Scene 13
Rose landed on a ship. A pirate ship, no less. Captain Hook was not in a comprising mood, and he made Rose walk the plank, juz like Wendy did fairytales ago.
Captain Hook : Off with her head !! (So I like this phrase, okay?)
Scene 14
Microbiologist Jack sensed that Rose was in danger. (actually, this was conveyed by Psychic Jack via telepathy). Fed-Ex Jack then sent the growth serum that Microbiologist Jack had concocted and spread some on the plank.
Scene 15
As a result, the plank grew and grew. And grew some more. It grew until Rose was directly under her condo.
Rose : Safe at last!
Scene 16
Rose spoke too soon. Although a condo, it was also a low-cost-housing project. As such, Rose fell through a through as a weak structure on the roof collapsed……..
TO BE CONTINUED……
So, what actually happened next? To find out, please send a crossed check amounting to RM999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 to Mabel. Please allow 2-3 millenniums for delivery.
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