Here are some funny quotes I found on the net! Some of them, I know where they came from, and who said it, but the others I don't. If you have any more, you can submit them through this form!
"It depends on your definition of asleep. They were not stretched out. They had their eyes closed. They were seated at their desks with their heads in a nodding position."
I'm not a complete idiot, there're still some parts missing!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
You have the right to your own opinions. I just don't want to hear them.
Forgive your enemies but remember thier names - JFK.
"I didn't accept it. I received it."
"Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued...Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976."
"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."
I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Careful. We don't want to learn from this. -- Calvin
"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt"
What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind. Or not to have a mind at
all. How true that is.
"Show me the Money!"
"Help Me Help You"
John Hogan, Commonwealth Edison Supervisor of News Information, responding to a charge by a Nuclear Regulatory Commission inspector that two Dresden Nuclear Plant operators were sleeping on the job.
Richard Allen, National Security Advisor to President Reagan, explaining the $1000 in cash and two watches he was given by two Japanese journalists after he helped arrange a private interview for them with First Lady Nancy Reagan.
Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid.
Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia
Vice President Dan Quayle winning friends while speaking to the United Negro College Fund