wandering in a thick, dark woods. The scent of evergreens tinges the air, and you feel their towering presence as they sway and moan far above you. A high wind twists around you, winding its way in through your clothing, chilling your skin. Before you, behind you, and all about you stand mountain trees of various kinds; rock maple, sugar maple, elm, oak, and birch, flickering their leaves to greet a coming rain. The ground is richly black and rocky beneath your feet, smelling of musty leaves and spring mud. Night is falling, dark and sudden, and murmured stirrings sound through the brush nearby.
"Lovely night for a walk," rings a smooth feminine voice from within a tall oak, "and soon it will rain."
Branches sigh apart to reveal dark glimmering eyes, and a pale, moonish face in a tangle of bark-brown hair. The lips do not part, but clearly the voice rings again, as a thin eyebrow lifts, "or are you here to seek the sanctuary?" The pale face nods slowly, pulling into a slight smile. The branches begin to slide together again. "I see," the voice whispers, "if you do chose the sanctuary, the Spider will guide you. Simply follow the line; the clearing is not far from here."
Just at that moment, you notice a fine, shiny thread of what seems to be spider-web trailing from tree to tree off into the woods. Upon the line treads a tiny, furry, syrup-colored spider, wending and weaving with each careful step. As you follow the gossamer, glinting line with your eye, you see the bright patch of a clearing up ahead. You notice that evening has begun to fall and the air carries a faintly rusty color.
I am a person of boundless curiousity, which has led me to pursue many different interests. It would not be right to disclude any one of them, as each is worthy of deeper study. A simple list of all the things I'm curious about would take an entire page, and would make for some very dull surfing. So, I have limited this website to Five different Pathways, each highlighting a different pursuit. If I've done my job right, you can explore one interest only, or travel freely from one to the other, in whichever direction catches your eye. Click a link or a picture and have a glance...
Good question, eh? Let me begin with my name. Adoette is a Seneca word, which I was told means "spirit like a tree". This is not the name on my New Hampshire Non-Driver ID; but it was given to me by a special friend, who has gone on ahead. To me, it is a both a beautiful name and a challange, because I know myself to be far too fickle to have earned it.
Like many of those who may read this, I am fairly young, and although I am not old enough to remember, "I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now," I can certainly empathize with that statement. My childhood fringed on Disco, my youth was Punk and Goth, my twenties Alternative and Ska, and I bear a brand of "TR" on my left wrist. Some of you may catch the reference...
Like many, I fear myself, and the great power I wield so uncertainly with each decision. Early on, I learned that I could make such great mistakes that all the good I had ever done was meaningless. I still struggle daily with the rage of selfishness and foolishness which is our common human legacy.
The failure of all hope in the world came to me when I was 17, in the lyrics of the Cure song "a strange day" in the album Pornography . "i touched her eyes pressed my stained face i will never be clean again i will never be clean again," Robert Smith moaned, and I knew it was true for me.
And that is when God called to me.
He made a promise to me, that can be found in the Bible, in Isaiah 1:18: "Though your sins are as scarlet, They will be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They will be like wool."
God offered me a full, complete pardon, if only I would not reject Him. I may have been "TR" (the rejected) but God wanted me, He loved me, just as I was (I was wrong to think He only cared about me if I got cleaned up first). He offered me the only thing I could not find in the world. Innocence.
I took it. I told God that I was all broken up, and there had been a whole lot of filth in my life; I admitted my faults; I said I wanted to live anyway, but I didn't see any hope; I asked Jesus to die in my place and save me; and I wanted Jesus, God's Son, to be my Lord (instead of the not-very-nice Masters I had had before).
And now, because of that stumbling prayer, I am alive today. Life is still hard, but I never have a day as bad as every day used to be. I can listen to the Cure and laugh! "...I laughed in the mirror for the first time in a year..." "TR" now reminds me of my Lord, who was rejected and abused even worse than I was, and He is always there for me, as no person ever could be. And He has made me clean.
I thank God that, though my failures are plain in my sight, I have been forgiven of them all. And this is the great mystery, adventure, and delight of my life. It does not matter where I have been, what I have seen, or any of the horrible things I have done (though I shutter to think of them), and sometimes still do (and need to ask for mercy again); because God has made me clean.
The biggest thing in my future is no longer fear and despair, but a glorious resurrection, when I will be made completely perfect and will join the Lord whom I have grown ever more deeply to love.
God offered me the only thing I could not find in the world. When I took it, He gave me much more, too. His offer is open to anyone, no matter who they are. What do you think about it?
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