There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on
 the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would
 probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study
 them.
      Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture-giver whom she sometimes referred to
 as “mother”; although she didn't mean to imply by this term that she would have
 thought less of the person if a close biological link did not in fact exist.
 Nor did she intend to denigrate the equal value of nontraditional households.
      One day, her mother asked her to take a basket of organically grown fruit
 and mineral water to her grandmother's house: "But mother, won't this be
 stealing from the unionized workers who have struggled for years to earn the
 right to carry all packages between various people in the woods?" Red Riding
 Hood' s mother assured her that she had called the union boss and gotten a
 special compassionate mission exemption.
      "But mother, aren't you oppressing me by ordering me to do this?'' Red
 Riding Hood's mother pointed out that it was impossible for women to oppress
 each other, since all women were equally oppressed until all women were free.
 "But mother, then shouldn't you have my brother carry the basket, since he' s
 an oppressor, and should learn what it's like to be oppressed?" And Red Riding
 Hood's mother explained that her brother was attending a special rally for
 animal rights, and besides, this wasn't stereotypical woman's work, but an
 empowering deed that would help engender a feeling of community.
      "But won't I be oppressing grandma, by implying that she's sick and hence
 unable to independently further her own selfhood?' Red Riding Hood' s mother
 explained that her grandmother wasn't actually sick or incapacitated or
 mentally handicapped in any way, although that was not to imply that any of
 these conditions were inferior to what some people call "health." Thus, Red
 Riding Hood felt that she could get behind the idea of delivering the basket
 to her grandmother and she set off.
      Many people believed that the forest was a foreboding and dangerous
 place, but Red Riding Hood knew that this was an irrational fear based on
 cultural paradigms instilled by a patriarchal society that regarded the
 natural world as an exploitable resource, and hence believed that natural
 predators were, in fact, intolerable competitors. Other people avoided
 the woods or fear of thieves and deviants, but Red Riding Hood felt that in a
 truly classless society all marginalized peoples would be able to come out of
 the woods and be accepted as valid lifestyle role models.
      On her way to grandma's house, Red Riding Hood passed a woodchopper, and
 wandered off the path in order to examine some flowers.  She was startled to
 find herself standing before a wolf, who asked her what was in her basket.
      Red Riding Hood’s teacher had warned her never to talk to strangers,
 but she was confident in taking control of her own budding sexuality, and
 chose to dialog with the wolf.  The wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't
 safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone.' Red Riding Hood
 replied, "I'm taking my grandmother some healthful snacks in a gesture of
 solidarity. I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will
 ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the
 stress of which has caused you to develop an alternative and yet entirely
 valid worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I would prefer to be on my way.'
 Red Riding Hood returned to the main path and proceeded toward her
 grandmother's house.
     But because his status outside society had freed him from slavish
 adherence to linear, Western-style thought, the wolf knew of a quicker route
 to grandmother' s house. He burst into the house and ate grandma, a course of
 action affirmative of his nature as a predator. Then, unhampered by rigid,
 traditionalist gender role notions, he put on grandma's nightclothes, crawled
 under the bedclothes, and awaited developments.
     Red Riding Hood entered the house and said, "Grandma, I have brought
 you some cruelty-free snacks to salute you in your role of wise and nurturing
 matriarch." The wolf said softly, "Come closer, child, so that I might see
 .you;' Red Riding Hood said, "Goodness!, grandma, what big eyes you have! ....
 You forget that I am optically challenged?' "And grandma, what an enormous
 fine nose you have!" "Naturally, I could have had it fixed to help my acting
 career, but I didn't give in to societal pressures, my child?' "And grandma,
 what very big sharp teeth you have!" The wolf could not take any more of these
 speciesist slurs, and, in a reaction appropriate for his accustomed milieu, he
 leaped out of bed, grabbed Little Red Riding Hood, and opened his jaws so wide
 that she could see her poor grandmother digesting in his belly.
      "Aren't you forgetting something?”; Red Riding Hood shouted bravely.
 "You must request my permission before proceeding to this new level of intimacy!" The
 wolf was so startled by this statement that he loosened his grasp on her. At
 the same time, the woodchopper burst into the cottage, brandishing an ax.
 "Hands off!”; cried the woodchopper. "And what do you think you're doing?";
 cried Little Red Riding Hood. "If I let you help me now, I would be
 expressing a lack of confidence in my own abilities,
 which would lead to poor self-esteem and lower achievement scores on college
 entrance exams?'                 
      "Last chance, sister! Get your hands off that endangered species!,"
 screamed the woodchopper, and when Little Red Riding Hood nonetheless made a
 sudden motion, he sliced off her head.
      "Thank goodness you got here in time;' said the wolf. "The brat and her
 grandmother lured me in here. I thought I was a goner.' "No, I think I’m the
 real victim here;' said the woodchopper. "I've been dealing with my anger ever
 since I saw her picking those protected flowers earlier. Do you have any
 aspirin?' "Sure;' said the wolf. "Thanks. I feel your pain.' And the wolf
 patted the woodchopper on the back, gave a little belch, and
 asked, "Do you have any Maalox?"
 
 By 	Fr. W. Kurz, S.J.
 
 The End