Soap
This is what I call service!? I don't think so. Enjoy.
The following letters are taken from an actual incident
between a London hotel and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up
submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times.
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Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of
soap in my bathroom since I have
brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
unopened little bars from the
shelf under the medicine chest and another three in
the shower soap dish. They are
in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
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Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow,
Thursday, from her day off.
I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as
you requested. The 6 bars
on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of
your Kleenex dispenser in case
you should change your mind.
This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my
instructions from the management
is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
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Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her
concerning the little bars of soap.
When I got back to my room this evening I found you had
added 3 little Camays to the
shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here
in the hotel for two weeks and
have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need
those 6 little Camays which are on
the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing
teeth, etc. Please remove them.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3
hotel soaps which we are instructed
by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in
your way on the shelf and put
them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the
Dial in the medicine cabinet for
your convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary
soaps which are always placed
inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and
which you did not object to when
you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I
can be of further assistance.
Your regular maid,
Dotty
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Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this
morning that you called him
last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid
service. I have assigned a
new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my
apologies for any past inconvenience.
If you have any future complaints please contact me
so I can give it my personal
attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.
Thank you.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
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Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave
the hotel for business at 7:45AM
and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the
reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night.
You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder
if he could do anything about
those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned
me must have thought I was a new
check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel
soap in my medicine cabinet
along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the
bathroom shelf. In just 5 days here I have
accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing
this to me?
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop
delivering soap to your room and remove
the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance,
please call extension 1108 between 8AM
and 5PM. Thank you,
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
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Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was
taken from my room including my
own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had
to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little
Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your
soap problem. I cannot
understand why there was no soap in your room since our
maids are instructed to leave
3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The
situation will be rectified immediately.
Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager
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Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I
came in last night and found
54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of
Camay. I want my one bar
of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of
soap in here. All I want is my
bath-size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had
them moved. Then you
complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was
missing so I personally returned
them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3
Camays you are supposed to
receive daily. I don't know anything about the 4
Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your
maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so
she also brought 24 Camays
plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got
the idea this hotel issues
bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size
Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
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Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest
soap inventory. As of today
I possess:
- On the shelf under medicine cabinet
- 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
- On the Kleenex dispenser
- 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
- On the bedroom dresser
- 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet,
- 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory,
- and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
- Inside the medicine cabinet
- 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
- In the shower soap dish
- 6 Camay, very moist.
- On the northeast corner of tub
- 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
- On the northwest corner of tub
- 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure
the stacks are neatly
piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks
of more than 4 have a tendency
to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is
not in use and will make an
excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more
item, I have purchased another
bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel
vault in order to avoid further
misunderstandings.
S. Berman