Realizing

Distinct impression of a past I never realized,
Flooding memories in torrents of unbridled pain.
Never knowing who I really was to myself,
Never listening to my own inner strength to guide me.
A cacophony of my thoughts,
Choices left to paths not taken from fear.
Dreams that once danced in my imagination,
Are now gone that the music has stopped.
Shall I fan the flames of my supposed inadequacies,
Or will I water the flowers of my awakening.
I chose to be who I am,
Take no shame from what I ve become.
Our sins only weigh upon us when we lack the perspective to see,
Look upon your pain with a smile.
Conclusions to happiness never occur,
It s stretched out like taffy,
To the child that grabs with expectant fingers.


If I could say anything at all to you,
it would be to thank you for friendship unmatched.
I slipped my white dwarf shell for once,
to float in a universe of possibilities unseen.
Eyes blinded and voice suffocated,
no longer suffer ignorant glasses or cynical honey.
I can grasp a dream of childhood long forgotten,
in one smile or second of laughter from you.
Having looked through the eyes of another,
I get to see a clearer picture of the world and myself.
Words are limiting and inefficient,
They lack the luster of true conveyance.
When you told me life was subjective,
I listened with ears that did not hear.
The past holds no chains on your future,
I see that now as I climb the mountain of myself.
Each hand I place and foothold gained,
are the beginnings for happy adventures.
It warms me to know that on part of my journey,
a rope was offered to me and I was willing to accept it.
You came to me at a time that I thought was wrong,
only to realize it was when I needed you most.
The treasures of our friendship,
unmatched by the most valuable jewel.
The experience I gained by knowing you,
is more than anyone has ever given me.
The fire of my own naivety,
would have burned me,
had I not known where to find water.
I thank you more than you will ever know.
Know that wherever I go, whoever I meet, whatever I do,
I take a piece of you with me and call you my Friend.


Angel wings snap like dried twigs.
Innocence is tossed like stale cigarettes.
Slip this fucking skin,
it oozes shadows and filth.
Tears of blood cannot even wash away the sins.
I sacrifice nothing for anyone,
I cannot lose pieces of me anymore.
My soul is strained from giving,
My pleasures are rancid in my soul.
You speak of desire and happiness,
and I spit back the acrid venom of denial.
Slip this fucking skin,
it no longer pleases me walk in it.
Show me something beyond disillusioned heartache,
give me a sideshow freak who blends into the crowd.
I want nothing more than to hear true words of acceptance,
and not the false words of tolerance.
Slip this fucking skin,
I detest the others of my kind enough to destroy myself.
When I no longer feel the weight of these bones,
will I know the peace I fought for so long?
Shall it be like a giant orgasm of pleasure and freedom,
or a flaccid prick that couldn t live up to expectations.
Slip this fucking skin,
I want to feel the wind touch my wings.


Choices

On a forge of crushed imagination,
I forge a spirit of nails and blades.
Slicked green with poison,
it lashes out to defend the small child.
Deprived by self-enclosure,
the toys break from nonuse.
The key dangles like candy,
yet scorches like a pyre.
Pain flows at the touch.
Can it be grasped and held long enough,
to open the world that lies beyond,
or will it remain untouched?
Can it grow without changing,
or does the child not remain.
Paths lay open like itches unscratched,
choices assault like Barbarian hordes.
Did I do what was right for me?
Did I realize what I was meant to learn?
Do I let wounds bleed freely,
or scab over and heal into strength.
I m the child scared to walked.
I m the bird afraid of flight.
I m hand that never grasps for help.
Am I really these things, or can I move on.
Can I look beyond the limit of "I can t",
to bend down and tie my shoe for the first time?


Forgiveness

Can we forgive ourselves?
Do we see past sin?
Is it a spike that holds us in place,
or sets us aloft for the first time.
Can we look beyond our self-made guilt,
to find the self-made soul.
We can walk in the pits of Hades,
or glide in the skies of Elysium.
A murderer is someone who never learned,
the value of the life that was taken by them.
I thief is someone who never saw the power,
of the objects they removed.
Lessons never learned sink fast in the swamp.
Hearts never opened atrophy into nothingness.
Looking into the void of ourselves,
we find a ledge of balance to stand upon.
Will we fall into our own blackness,
or use the ledge to gain footing up the chasm.
Ahead or behind makes no difference,
the uncaring reality of being.
Accepting the bitter losses as victories,
choosing to look beyond what is your truth,
seeing for the first time tears are merely streaks of joy unrecognized,
dropping the weight of who you are to pack who you will be,
grasping for the dreams that only require work,
when we see the flame isn t burning only purifying,
and realize that we can smile at an ending,
because it s just a new beginning.

- Charles "Gizzmo"


Marathon
Dying under this layer of skin,
Dying slowly, painfully within,
Crushed in between the past and how,
It's just that awful truth I have now,
I cherish all my pain in solitude,
Those tears burn, it's awful and shrewd,
All those angels left me here,
All those angels, that which I fear,
Dying under this layer of skin,
Dying slowly, trying to repent my sin,
Running wild and desperately free,
The devil, I swear, is after me.
The devil is coming after me,
The demons which you cannot see,
I swear, and tear out my heart,
I'm trying to end that which had no start,
I beg to the devil who's after me,
I answer all his questions truthfully,
But I'm still running through the trees,
I swear, the devil is after me.
He's out to take myself away,
He's going to do it, someday,
He says he wants to take the pain,
But I wait alone, and try to think all sane,
But all it fades to fast,
I knew this magic could never last,
And now the devil is after me,
Cant you see? Cant you see?
- Jessika "Lippizanr"