50 Ways To Know You're An "Asian"
- You were/are a good student with very high GPAs
- You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or finance
- You have more than one college degrees, especially more than or Master's
- If you play a musical instrument, it must piano
- You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table
- Your stove is covered with aluminum foil
- Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it
- You beat eggs with chopsticks
- You always leave outdoor shoes at the door
- You use the dishwasher as a dish rack
- You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times
- You boil water before drinking
- You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean
- You don't use measuring cups when preparing foods
- You save grocery bags and sue them to hold garbage
- You have a rice cooker
- You're a wok user
- You fight over who pays the dinner bill
- You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it
- You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup
- You don't dryclean cloths, even if they need to be drycleaned
- You iron your own shirts
- You like congee (Zhoul) with thousand year old eggs (SonglHual)
- You always cook yourself, even if you hate it
- You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills in full
- You keep most of your money in a savings account
- You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off
- When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water
- You hate to waste food
- Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them
- You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing
- You don't own any real Tupperware -only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars
- You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses
- When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them
- You have a collection of miniature champoo/conditioner bottles and little soap bars that you take every time you stay in a hotel
- The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you "save" every time you get take out or go to McDonald's
- You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes)
- You spit bones and other food scraps on the table
- Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself
- when you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool
- Your house/apt. is always cold in winter, and hot in summer
- Your mom drives her Mercedes to Price Club, or Shoppers Food Warehouse regardless how far it is, even if Loblaw's is next door
- You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling Directory Assistance costs 50 cents
- You only make long distance calls after 11P.M. or during weekends
- You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached
- You never call your parents just to say hi
- You think ONLY Japanese can make good CARS!
- You use a colored face cloth every moring
- You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places
- You've joined a CD club at least once
- You never discuss your love life with your parents
- You take this message and forward it to all your asian friends
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© 1998 BENITO