WHAT KIND OF LOVE DO YOU HAVE?
LIMERANCE LOVE(Dorothy Tennov)
Feelings urgent, powerful, overwhelming
- Heart beats faster when you're about to see or speak to lover
- Nothing more satisfying than spending time with lover
- Experience feelings of intensity leaves other concerns behind
- Good deal of time thinking of lover, yearning to be together, what say next, replay memories
- Lover seems more wonderful than any other person
- Confident, totally fulfilled, invincible when with your lover
- Acute longing for reciprocation of your feelings
- Misrepresentation by media/music as healthy state that one should strive for/expect to last
STAGE 2
Goals and interests in life become eclipsed by joy of thinking about and seeing your lover
- Feel emptier, lost, less than yourself when not with your lover
- Plagued with doubts fears about stability of your lover's feelings for you
- Experience aching in heart region (center front of chest) uncertainty is strong
- Begin to monitor behavior around partner to comply what you think he/she would want or prefer
- Mood becomes dependant on your lover's actions (your interpretation of his/her actions
- Acute sensitivity to any act - perceive as favorable
PSYCHOLOGICAL REALITIES OF FALLING IN MAD PASSIONATE LOVE
Idealization of Love Object
- Jealousy of Love Object
- Fear of Rejection
- Hope & Uncertainty
- Self-Disclosure Difficulty
- False Intimacy
- Suffering & Pain
TRUE REALISTIC LOVE
Based on everyday realistic knowledge of your lover
- Able to acknowledge and accept lover's faults
- Able to have own good friends, conduct productive independent work life, keep hobbies that have nothing to do with lover
- Feelings not as urgent, immediate, intense
- Develop somewhat slowly over time
- More likely to make a comfortable, supportive, open long lasting relationship
- Sex is integral, normal activity (desired but not glamourized)
MEASUREMENT OF INTIMACY
Does partner listen to you when you need someone to talk to?
- Does partner really understand your hurts and joys?
- How often do you confide personal information to romantic partner?
- How often are you able to understand her/his feelings?
- How often do you feel close to her/him?
- How important is this person/relationship to your life?
- Accept yourself for who you are, as you are, your feelings + ideas are legitimate
- Accept your partner for who she/he is in reality
- Feel as comfortable as you can when self-disclosing
- Deal with partner's reactions/actions(express your anger, fears, doubts, irritations)
The three most important elements to have make a relationship last:
Have things be 50/50 (effort, expenses, etc.)
Same level of attractiveness
Same level of intelligence
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