As concerned adults, we want to protect children from sexual abuse, but we can't always be there to do that. We can, however, teach children about sexual abuse in order to increase their awareness and coping skills. Without frightening children, we can provide them with appropriate safety information and support at every stage of their development.
We can provide personal safety information to children in a matter- of-fact way, with other routine safety discussions about fire, water, health, etc. Although even the best educated child cannot always avoid sexual abuse, children who are well prepared will be more likely to tell you if abuse has occurred. This is a child's best defense.
In order to protect children, teach them:
to feel good about themselves and know they are loved, valued and deserve to be safe
the difference between safe and unsafe touches
the proper names for all body parts, so they will be able to communicate clearly
that safety rules apply to all adults, not just strangers
that their bodies belong to them and nobody has the right to touch them or hurt them
that they can say "no" to requests that make them feel uncomfortable--even from a close relative or family friend
to report to you if any adult asks them to keep a secret
that they can rely on you to believe and protect them if they tell you about abuse
that they are not bad or to blame for sexual abuse
to tell a trusted adult about abuse even if they are afraid of what may happen
If a child trusts you enough to tell you about an incident of sexual abuse, you are in an important position to help that child recover. The following suggestions can help you provide positive support.
Do:
Keep calm. It is important to remember that you are not angry with the child, but at what happened. Children can mistakenly interpret anger or disgust as directed towards them.
Believe the child. In most circumstances children do not lie about sexual abuse.
Give positive messages such as "I know you couldn't help it," or "I'm proud of you for telling."
Explain to the child that he or she is not to blame for what happened.
Listen to and answer the child's questions honestly.
Respect the child's privacy. Be careful not to discuss the abuse in front of people who do not need to know what happened.
Be Responsible. Report the incident to the the police. They can help protect the child's safety and provide resources for further help.
Arrange a medical exam. It can reassure you that there has been no permanent physical damage and may verify important evidence.
Get help. Get competent professional counseling, even if it's only for a short time.
Don't:
Panic or overreact when the child talks about the experience. Children need help and support to make it through this difficult time.
Pressure the child to talk or avoid talking about the abuse. Allow the child to talk at her or his own pace. Forcing information can be harmful. Silencing the child will not help her or him to forget.
Confront the offender in the child's presence. The stress may be harmful. This is a job for the authorities.
Blame the child. SEXUAL ABUSE IS NEVER THE CHILD'S FAULT!!!
