| Fragments |
| No Disappointments |
| In the imagination we travel to distant lands and back fictional fantasy details run through our minds like an open book page after page anticipating what's next we choose our own adventures. It begins in our hearts wherever we desire to go and at any time free of charge no bags, no fuss our only limit is what we dream and how we perceive it. It's all up to us no disappointments no wasting time we can take who we want no one complains we bring what we will (all we need is creativity) It's the fastest and easiest way to travel cause with the imagination there really is no limit to what we can experience in a lifetime. - 9/15/93 |
| Waiting |
| Alone Sitting on the back porch of my heart Passing the time as I think about you Waiting For the day when you find me and unlock the door to my soul Carefully Look into my eyes See the pain Old and withered Afraid Shivering in the crisp night air Put your arms around my heart Warm me with your love Forever Assure me that the pain will end That we will be happy together Sitting on the back porch of our love. - date unknown, 1993 |
| I feel - breath escaping your lungs against the back of my neck releasing pain from your heart. I see - fear in your eyes hidden by tears of love that slowly run down your face. I hear - voices in my ear the sound of you whispering from inside the walls between us. I know - you are with me together mind body and soul. - 9/29/92 |
| Mind, Body and Soul |
| A hole. |
| The door never opens The telephone never rings. It's my fault. They say it's because I'm not happy but I am... truly... by myself. Yet somewhere behind the masked fabric there is a hole deeper than infinity that reeks of loneliness. There's a need in it, to be filled; what with it is not known. - date unknown, 1993 |
| Confusion |
| Realize that it's not about loving, caring or sharing, but the other part - that has taken over the minds of corrupted children who believe as others believe to love is to kiss one another on the mouth spreading the disease of ignorance Misunderstanding is hurting everyone Hold my hand means: FUCK ME HARD until my mind turns cold from confusion. Why don't they stab each other now save themselves the trouble of going through the words to get to the other side? - date unknown, 1993 |
| Fear |
| In mindless space round and round and round billions of circles not understanding what is inside of them I am all alone chasing my tail getting dizzy I can't stop until I fall weary to the ground in a puddle of my own tears shaking violently banging my head on the concrete until I can't feel a thing maybe it would help it all go away if I drowned here. - 11/3/93 |
| Screams of agony invade my silence their hatred returns grasping the edge of the world drowning treading frantically to stay above the earth's surface reaching for souls lost in the thick fog of society ripped dragged torn into pieces no longer useful wasted on the stereotypes of want and need. - 11/23/93 |
| Think for a moment stay a little while, please help me understand love and what it means. I was sure I would be alone in this world, not even my own determination could save my heart from pain. I need a promise from you that you will be there beside me holding me tight in the calm each night, sharing your love with me. - 11/23/93 |
| Faith |
| Hey You |
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| I don't need to be here isn't this a waste of time? My life is getting shorter but my memory is leaving me Behind. A closed door I can't be here! I WANT OUT Where's the key to fit that lock? My feet are chained to a desk my hands are tied tight in ropes the only thing to do is scream out loud shattering all the windows in the room but there are none. Suddenly, the door is gone. All I feel are concrete walls alone in the darkness I don't need to be here again Trapped. - 11/24/93 |
| Love is a conic of cycles in and out back and forth we stop to catch our breath and sigh We are all evil creatures deformed a black plague of life that continues to cough on one another forcing death It always ends when the brakes fail and the universe spins out of control hydroplaning across the sea fish floating by their eyes exposing mortality scales ripped aned drowning Love sucks asymptotes nevertheless harmful when abused as directed. - 12/2/93 |
| Trapped |
| Asymptotes of Love |
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| My Life |
| Pointless... Yet a point on a pencil... is a point. Has a point. Sharp, Defined. My life, as it is doesn't... maybe it never will. Nailpolish... Any color, is pointless. Put it on. Take it off. Put it back on... It may not match. Why paint my nails different colors when my life is so colorless? Laquer... I wanted to invent some sort of paint Perfect Color for my life but I can't. Why should I paint something red, if I feel like blue tomorrow or green the next day after that? Nothing... Is ever perfect. I'm not. You're not. Neither is he. Nor she. Perfect, is pointless. It has no color, no definition. If it did, would it be perfect? Boredom... is a state of mind in which you think a certain thing an instance is boring. Maybe it is, To you... But not, To me. That's why it's boring and ever so pointless. Life... Doesnt have to be PERFECT, COLORFUL, MEANINGFUL. It serves a purpose: LIVING, EXPERIENCING, EXPERIMENTING. We... Are all colorless, Pointless, Useless. Unless we change our thoughts deceive our perception of perfection and make our lives Experienced. My cat... stares at me her loving eyes waiting to experience The color of life The experimental food she craves so I give it to her. That, is the point. - 11/29/93 |
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| Heart of Stone |
| damn fool you are what you pretend to be and nothing less a statue in a fountain spurting liquid from a hole in its strong mouth lips of stone cold as ice you are a motionless rock a painting releaves your existance one dimension is at our grasp others exist only to your knowledge The second wave is right around the corner... DO NOT ENTER at your own risk I've taken it for you come alone no flash photography as you walk through and take a leak into another world Be careful of the words on the walls for they lie and change from day to day one way destination unknown. - 12/2/93 |
| My Door |
| "Close my door!" 'I want it open.' I will not rest until it's closed. She doesn't understand. It's a matter of trust. I know what I'm doing. She doesn't have to worry. "Close my door!" 'I want it open.' That's all it is. It's my door. My doorway. Yet she wants it left open clear of obstacles distractions that lead to other doors, with no way out. "Close my door!" 'I want it open.' She NEVER stops until I give in and leave it open The room's contents left to S P I L L into the hall. I think she's wrong, so I finally close my door and lock it. - 12/7/93 |
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| Again |
| Sharing Words |
| You always found it hard to say goodbye probably more than I ever did but now that we're older I find it easier to forgive the past looking out into the future. I've found it hard to say hello 'cause I really don't want to say goodbye to what once was and never will be again. Yet, deep inside my heart I can't forget those memories everyday reminders of you and I what once was and what I sometimes wish could be again. - 12/22/93 |
| As we express our words exploring worlds unseen, time passes us by... The Earth forgets all emotion Feelings heard from pen to paper eye to eye in silence. Days drag our futures by their tails across imagination waiting for nothing but memories to gather along the way. Our pasts long gone yet still creating all the while we sit apart writing thoughts forever untold when ear to ear we could share them and remember. - 1/5/94 |
| *The following collection of poetry was written while I was in high school, around the time I broke down and was diagnosed with anxiety/depression. I apologize if any of the material is upsetting. |