Now

Rating: G
Summary: Conversation between a padawan and his old master. The love of masters for their padawans. Non-Sexual. Archive: Yes
Notes: I do not hold with the JA books. Although, Obi-Wan is not in this fic, I feel that many Jedi would have been honored to have him as a padawan. I, also, do not hold that initiates and/or padawans are ever tossed aside. I feel that the Jedi Order would "serve and protect" everyone, especially their padawans no matter what.
Timeline: Old Republic
Feedback: I'm on my knees! Pleeeeaaassse! I'm sitting up and begging! Good, bad or indifferent. And it helps to feed the plot bunnys.

"Master?"

"Yes, padawan. I'm here."

"Where were you today? I really needed you."

"Padawan, you know you have to learn, relearn, to do things on your own."

"But I was so scared and alone."

"Padawan, you are never alone. You know that."

There was a pause. "Yes, master." Another pause and then softly, "But I was still scared. Why weren't you there for me?"

"I was padawan. I was."

"I didn't see you."

"Nevertheless, I was there. The Force was there."

"I'm so ashamed, master."

"Why padawan?"

"I panicked." Pause. "I . . . I cried."

"Ah. Tell me about it, padawan."

"I thought you said you were there?"

"I want to hear it from you. You don't mind telling your old master do you?"

"No." Pause. "I don't know where to start."

"The beginning is always best, padawan."

"From the beginning?"

"Yes, from the start."

"Tomorrow is my master's naming day. I mean the master I have now, Knight Selah. Not you."

There was a warm chuckle.

"Master, why is that funny?"

"Oh, nothing padawan. Nothing. Please, continue."

"I asked his permission to leave the Temple. I wanted to buy him a present. He's nice enough. He smiles a lot just like you did . . . do. I like him. But he's . . . he's . . . just not you. I miss you so much." Pause. "I should have died with you, master, it's not fair."

"No one said life was fair, padawan. And I sacrificed my life so you could live. Do not demean what the Force intended for me to do."

"Demean?"

"Make lower. Not as important."

"Oh." Pause. "But I liked the way we were. The way I was. Life is so much . . . harder now. Confusing."

"No one said life was easy, either, padawan. Or clear."

"I made a new lightsaber, master. See?"

"Excellent job, padawan. Excellent. How many does that make now?"

"Twenty-six." Pause. "But Knight Selah won't let me wear them all."

There was a warm chuckle. "Oh? I think that would be prideful. Don't you think?"

"That's not what Knight Selah said. He said it was silly wearing all those lightsabers. He said I only had two arms, what did I need with all those lightsabers?"

"You would look silly with all those arms, don't you think?"

There was a giggle. "Yes. That would be silly."

"So, he is right?"

"Yes. I guess so. But it's still not fair. I made them all."

"And you do a fine job, padawan."

"I'm teaching some of the younger padawans. To make lightsabers."

"That is wonderful, padawan. They need the guidance you can provide."

"Master Plo Koon even asked me if he could borrow some for training sabers."

"That is quite an honor."

"I didn't want to. But I did." Pause. "Knight Selah wanted to cut my braid."

"Cut your braid?"

"Yes, he said to make it more man . . .age . . . able. I didn't want to."

"So, as a compromise, you doubled it up?"

"Com . . . promise?"

"Meet half-way."

"Yes, I folded it in half."

"You were telling me about what happened today?"

"Yes. Today. It is my master's naming day tomorrow. You know that shop? The one that sells things from my master's homeworld?"

"Yes, padawan. I know the place."

"We had gone there a long time ago, Knight Selah and me. They had a statue of a tower. He liked it."

"Gerallah Tower?"

"Yes, Gerallah Tower. I wanted to buy it for his naming day. It's tomorrow."

"Yes, padawan."

"So I asked for permission to leave. But first I had to check to see if I had enough credits. I remembered the price. That was easy. No problem. But then when you go to pay, they always ask for more. I'm never sure if I have enough dactaries. Sometimes I don't and I have to put the item back. It makes the clerk so mad. I get embarrassed."

"Taxes, padawan."

"Why don't they just put the real price on things instead of trying to fool people? I wish I still had my credit chit. But Master Chen-K'uan took that away from me. Do you see Master Chen-K'uan? I don't."

"Yes, padawan. He is here with me in the Force."

"Tell him I said hello and I miss him, too. And that he was a good master, too. Is he still old?"

There was a chuckle. "There is no age were I am, padawan."

"They said he died of old age." Pause. "Knight Selah is not old. He is young. I am older than he is."

"Does that bother you, padawan?"

"Yes." Pause. "I heard someone say I was the only padawan ever with gray hairs. I wanted a top-knot like you, master. But now. . . Why is my hair falling out?"

"That just happens when you are . . . mature."

"Mature?"

"Older."

"Oh." Pause. "I don't like it." Pause. "Sartha is a Knight, now. Did I tell you?"

"Yes, padawan, you did."

"Oh." Pause. "She doesn't visit the Temple too much. Missions. I miss her."

"There is much work to do in the galaxy."

"She could visit more."

"She was honest with you, padawan."

"I still miss her. She smiled at me a lot. I like when people smile. Everything is okay then."

"She told you she couldn't be your girlfriend anymore, padawan."

"I know. But it's not fair." Pause. "Knight Selah has a girlfriend. I like her. She smiles a lot. She's nice. But she smiles at Knight Selah . . . different. Like how Satha used to smile at me."

"The past is the past, padawan. You must go forward."

Pause. "I wish I had someone to smile at me like Knight Selah has."

"You were telling me about your shopping trip?"

"I got lost, master."

"Lost?"

"Yes, lost. I found the store. No problem. I remembered the way and got off the public shuttle at the right stop. I made sure."

"I'm proud of you, padawan."

"And I had enough credits. I was happy. But on the shuttle home . . ."

"What happened, padawan?"

"I don't know. I was looking at the statue and checking for my stop and then . . . I don't know. I didn't know where I was anymore. The signs in the shuttle were strange and the buildings were strange."

"So what did you do?"

"I tried asking some of the other people on the shuttle. They said I missed my stop. So I got off."

"I tried to get information with my comlink. But I couldn't reach . . . I didn't get through. And there were so many people around. I got all mixed up. I didn't know were I was. I asked someone for help. They kept walking. I asked other people. I went into a building."

"What happened then, padawan?"

"They were mean, master. They told me to call the Temple myself."

"Did you call the Temple?"

"I . . . I didn't want to master. Then Knight Selah would have seen my present and the surprise ruined. And I didn't want him rescuing me."

"So, then what did you do?"

"I didn't know what to do, master. I just stood there. And then the people in the building started calling me names. And laughing. But it wasn't the nice kind of laughing. The mean kind."

"I'm sorry, padawan."

Pause. "I'm not stupid, I'm I master?"

"No, padawan, you are not stupid. But tell me, how did you get back home to the Temple?"

"My master, Knight Selah. He found me. He was just there. And took me back. But he didn't see the statue. I hid it in my pocket."

"You see? The Force was with you."

"But, I've . . . I . . . will I ever become a knight, master?"

"That has not been revealed to me, padawan. I will not lie to you. I do not know. But this I know, you will never be one if you give up now."

"I won't, master. For you."

"For yourself, padawan. And the Force."

"Yes, master." Pause. "Master?"

"Yes, padawan?"

"Did it hurt?"

"Padawan, you have asked me that at least a thousand times."

There was no answer.

"Only for a short time, padawan. Only a short time. I was more concerned with you, so I wasn't in any pain for long. You prevented that. The gas didn't hurt much."

"I was in the bacta tank a long time, master."

"Yes, padawan. I know."

"I'm not the same, master."

"No, padawan. You are just the same in all the ways that count. I have to go now. I will talk with you again, soon."

The door slid open.

"Padawan?"

"Yes, Master Selah?"

"Tomorrow is your first master's naming day. I know how much you miss him. I was thinking that perhaps you would like to do something special. In his memory."

"I thought tomorrow was your naming day. I bought . . ."

Pause. "Isn't that a coincidence, padawan? It is my naming day, too."

"I thought there was no such thing as co - in - cidence. Only the Force."

"Well, by the Force itself, it's my naming day, too!" Now.