Rating: PG-13
Feedback: Please
Disclaimer: The Jedi are George's. Nejaa Halcyon is Michael A. Stackpole's. Suicide is Painless lyrics by Mike Altman.
Summary: Songfic to Suicide is Painless - M*A*S*H theme song. Dark. Obi-Wan discovers what he really promised Qui-Gon.
Notes: I've already asked Amber to archive this however, I thought it would be appropriate to dedicate this to Sir Alec Guinness sadly now one with the Force.
Through early morning fog I see visions of the things to be.
The pains that are withheld for me.
I realize and I can see . . .
that suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.He rolled over. Empty, all of him was empty now. Staring at the the ceiling, he saw nothing. The ceiling was gray and cracked and falling and his heart was still racing. The mattress stank of stale urine and vomit and his skin still ran with sweat. But he felt nothing and sensed nothing.
He lifted himself up and walked in the gray light to the broken, grimy window and staring out at the alley with the pipes and garbage and he still saw nothing.
"What is your name?" she asked.
"I don't have a name."
She laughed a small careful laugh. "Everyone has a name."
"I don't."
"I'll give you a name then." She sat up. "I'll call you . . ."
"Leave."
She sat there quiet.
"I said, leave."
"But, where will I go?" she said softly.
"I don't care. Back where I found you. Anywhere. Nowhere. Just leave."
The door shut and he closed his eyes just to see and feel again.
I try to find way to make
all our little joys relate
without that ever-present hate
but now I know that it's too late, and . . .
that suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please."General?
He opened his eyes and his feelings and senses returned in a flood washing over him with pain, anguish, sorrow and tiredness. He could feel the lives within the Force fading away. Once so bright, one by one, extinguished.
"General, sir, we've lost the Guardian. What are your orders, sir?"
The sound of the concussion bombs was a constant, punctuated by the strafing runs of the fighters and their lasers adding the only color to the smoke-gray world.
"Sir, Master Nejaa Halcyon is repeating his request for air cover. He wants to know what are the odds are that his men will get some."
The lieutenant stated the Jedi's question without the sarcasm that Obi-Wan knew must have been there. For a Corellian to request odds, the situation must be desperate.
All around him in the ordered chaos of the command center, it was growing. Deeper gray. The sadness was growing. The fear and the loss and noise, especially the noise, they were all growing. The requests for assistance from the field were more dire, more pleading and was reflected by the loudness and rapidity in speech of the communications team and it was all directed at him.
"Sir, medical evac is requested by . . . Sir, when . . . General, Mistress Adi . . . Sir, reinforcements are . . . all Masters and Knights dead, requesting instructions."
"What was that lieutenant?" Obi-Wan snapped his head round. "Put me through."
The voice on the other end was much too young. "General, sir, I am the senior Padawan."
"How old are you, son?"
"Sixteen, sir. Sir, what do we do?"
"What were your Master's last instructions?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Sir, he made me promise not to let us be taken."
"Then those are your orders, Padawan."
"But, sir, we have drained all but two of our lightsabers and they're coming. What do we do?" The boy had not understood what he had promised.
"Then Padawan, you have twice as many needed to follow your Master's order."
There was silence from the other end. Comprehension was dawning.
"What is your name Padawan?"
"Ben, sir."
"May the Force be with you, Ben."
The game of life is hard to play.
I'm gonna lose it anyway.
The losing card I'll someday lay.
So this is all I have to say. . .
Suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.Obi-Wan walked away.
"Sir, Master Halcyon requests . . ."
"There is none."
"General, the med evac . . . "
"There are none."
"Sir, your orders, sir?"
Obi-Wan continued walking.
"Sir? Your orders? What are your orders?"
"There are none."
The only way to win is cheat
and lay it down before I'm beat
and to another give my seat
for that's the only painless feat. . .
Suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please."It's . . . It's too late. It's . . ."
"No!"
"Obi- Wan, promise. Promise me you will train the boy."
‘Yes, Master."
"He is the chosen one. He will bring balance. Train him."
The sword of time will pierce our skins.
It doesn't hurt when It begins
But as it works its way on in
the pain grows stronger, watch it grin . . .
Suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.Opening his eyes he saw the iridescent green bird perched on the window sill. A lost pet trying to return to the sanctuary of its cage. Fluttering its small wings, it tilted its head sideways and looked at him with keen eyes. It chittered a question. He extended one finger out to it.
Exploding, its bright feathers with bone and organs where plastered by blood to stick to the gray sill and dirty window.
The muscles in his face protested, long unused. They complied as best they could raising the corners of his mouth and exposing a bit of the white underneath his lips.
A brave man once requested me
to answer questions that are key
is it to be or not to be
and I replied ‘oh why ask me?'
Suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.Wedging the haft into the pile of rubble, he had to remove it. Without pausing over the ignition button, he pressed it. The bright green shaft extended, crackling with power. Reinserting it into the space, the blade knifed skyward.
Extending his arms outward, he let himself fall.
. . . and you can do the same thing if you please.
