Rating: NC17 and Humor (go fig)
Summary: Mace sends the boys a gift, with polar opposite results.
Archive: if you really want to.
Notes: The title and idea comes from the song "Packet Man" by Digital Underground. I also want to give MAJOR PROPS to 'chelle, who wrote "Padawan Penis" and showed that this could be done. I also have been told I need to post a SPEW WARNING so there ya go.
Disclaimer: SW is George's, Sex Packets are Digital Underground's, and the story is mine. No one made any money off this, just giggled a lot. Done out of love.
"Master, a package came for us from the rim." Obi called as he made their evening tea.
"From the rim? Who do we know there?" Qui-Gon asked.
"I didn't look, but isn't Master Windu there now?"
Qui-Gon nodded as he inspected the package. "It's from him." He opened the box and pulled out two smaller boxes. "Here, this one's yours." Tossing it to his apprentice, he turned his attention to his own box. Sliding a small blade under the flaps, he pried the top open. A smile curled on his lips as he eyed the contents.
Glancing at his apprentice, he noticed a slight flush tint his cheeks. "Padawan?"
Obi-Wan looked up, jaw slightly agape. "Master?"
"What did he send you?" Qui-Gon asked, stashing his own box in his tunic.
"Huh? Oh, um, a few vids I'd mentioned I was looking for. I'm just surprised he found them so quickly..."
"Mace can work wonders when he chooses to." Setting his cup aside, he assumed a traditional posture on the floor. "I'm going to meditate a bit before the evening meal."
Obi-Wan looked at his master and nodded. "I think I can use some meditation myself."
Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow but nodded. "Very well padawan. We have a few hours. Don't forget the evening session we have scheduled with Master Gelloc and Master Gallia."
"Yes master."
*~*~*
Obi-Wan hurried into his room and dumped the contents onto his bed. A few hours, he had a few hours. He grinned as he picked up the instruction sheet.
"Biochemically Compacted Sexual Intercourse." He shook his head. Everyone heard stories about these, but neither he nor any of his friends had ever seen one, much less used them. He stopped quickly, thinking about the box his master received. Would Qui-Gon...?
"Nahhhh." He returned his attention to the instruction sheet.
***WARNING: These Biochemically Compacted Sexual Intercourse Packs (BCSIP) are a neural stimulator. They are not meant to be used by individuals with mental afflictions. UD is not responsible for any psychotic episodes, injuries and/or death caused by misuse of the product.
***May cause marked drowsiness. Do not use BCSIP when operating a transport, battle droid or any other large machinery.
***May cause fabric discoloration. Please use test swatches before using BCSIP. UD is not responsible for damage to any clothing or upholstery.
***Only use those BCSIP designated for your species. UD is not responsible for injury and/or death resulting from the intentional or unintentional misuse of the product.
Obi-Wan sank onto the bed, now not quite sure if he really wanted to try these. He stared at the illustrations on the packets.
Humanoid female, strawberry blond hair, bust 36, waist 26, hips 34. Humanoid female, black hair, bust 38, waist 24, hips 33, Humanoid male, green psuedopods...
It was worth the risk. Skimming the sheet again, he read the instructions.
1) Remove all non-essential clothing, weaponry, footwear and/or exoskeletons.
Makes sense, he thought, and quickly stripped out of his uniform, dropping it into a heap near the fresher. Once nude, he looked at the sheet again.
2) Assume a comfortable prone or seated position. Secure all non-essential limbs if necessary.
Obi-Wan stared at his desk chair then his bed. Definitely the bed. He drew the covers back, got in, and pulled the sheets up to his chin.
3) Open one (1) BCSIP and remove the enclosed tablet. Dissolve tablet in several ounces of liquid. NOTE: UD recommends distilled water, as any combination of chemicals may effect the potency of the BCSIP.
Distilled water? Sith, he swore. All the distilled water was in the kitchenette. He looked at his tea, then grabbed his robe and wrapped it tightly around his body. He opened the door of his quarters and walked over to the cold unit.
"Padawan, I thought you were meditating."
Obi-Wan jerked upright. "Master? Um... I got thirsty and um... wanted a glass of water." He wrapped his robe tighter around his body.
Qui-Gon smiled then. "Ah, yes. Hydration is always good."
"Yes master. It is..." he stammered, heading back to his room.
"Obi-Wan."
"Yes master?"
"You forgot your water."
Obi-Wan felt the blood rush to his face as he stumbled back to the counter to retrieve his glass. He swore he saw his master grinning, but refused to look backwards. Reentering his room, he palmed the door lock and set the water on the stand next to his bed. He then dropped his robe again, crawled back into bed and pulled the covers back up to his chin.
"Damn." He crawled back out of bed, padded into the fresher and returned with a small towel. Hopping back into bed, he ditched the covers and draped the cloth over himself. He then dropped the tablet into the water and waited for it to dissolve.
**NOTE: Temperature will determine the rate of tablet liquification. For faster rates, heat liquid accordingly.
He swore again. He'd gotten the water straight from the cooler. Staring around the room he looked for a heating element. He glanced at his saber for a moment, then shook his head. Turning back to his shelf he spied several candles.
Tossing the towel aside, he crawled out of bed again, and grabbed the candles, arranging them on the small stand. Lighting them quickly, he took the glass and held it over the flames. It's working, he thought as he watched the tablet bubble and melt away...
"OWW, SITH!" he cursed as another flame singed his hand. The glass slipped from his fingers and fell with a dull thud, extinguishing the candles and spilling the water onto the rug. A soft knock came from the door.
"Padawan, are you alright?"
Obi-Wan quickly grabbed the pillow off his bed and clutched it to his waist. "Fine, master, just um... tripped. I'm fine." He glanced at the liquid soaking into the rug and swore again.
"Obi-Wan?"
"Really, I'm fine, master. I just spilled my drink." He grabbed the towel and started to sop up the mess.
"Would you like another glass? I can get one for you..."
"No Master, I'll get one a little later." Gods, Master, can't you just do something masterly like meditate or something, he mumbled.
"As you wish Obi-Wan." Soft footsteps padded away from the door.
Obi-Wan turned back to the tumble of sheets and packets on his bed. He wasted the redhead. He refused to waste the brunette. Taking the male packet he looked around for his glass. Spying his tea again, he breathed, "to Sith with it," and dropped the tablet into his cup. Swirling the liquid around, mixing it up, then got comfortable again. Staring at the now opaque liquid, he exhaled hard and drank it down quickly. He set the cup aside quickly and sat back on the bed. Then he spied the instruction sheet again.
Average length of BCSIP experience: Twenty (20) standard minutes. **DO NOT USE BCSIP WITH ANY TYPE OF STIMULANT AS IT WILL EFFECT THE LENGTH AND INTENSITY OF YOUR EXPERIENCE.**
Stimulant. He supposed tea could be seen as a stimulant, if one felt like getting technical, but it could hardly count, considering the ratio of caffeine to ...
He felt it first in his chest, as a large band seemed to wrap around his ribs and squeeze. Vaguely he realized it was the 'pseudopods' pulling him upright and back sharply. If he closed his eyes, he could make out a face...
His head felt like it would explode and he thought he'd be sick as he climaxed all over the sheets, the wall, the rug, everywhere. He fell over and off the bed again, bumping his head on the frame. Sitting up slowly, he suddenly felt sore in places he never thought would get sore, except from a well-placed kick. He glanced at the chrono.
"Three seconds? Oh Gods," he said turning to the mess on his bed. The nausea hit him again and he dragged himself into the fresher. The brunette could wait.
*~*~*
Qui-Gon finished his tea and poured warm water into his empty cup. Seating himself comfortably, he loosened the ties on his leggings and sorted through the packets. Mace certainly outdid himself this time, he thought as he dropped the tablet into the water. The water swirled noiselessly along the sides and took on an opaque tint. He raised the cup to his lips in a mock salute to Mace and drank it down. Setting his cup aside, he closed his eyes and waited.
Gentle hands wound around him, unlatching his belt and dropping it to the floor. His sash was eased away from his waist and the edges of his tunics drawn apart. Warm palms rested on his chest, casually stroking his skin, teasing his nipples into sensitive nubs before hot breath brushed against them. He sighed, a soft breathy moan barely audible in the still air.
Gods, he breathed again as moist lips parted for a very talented tongue to lap his skin between whisper soft kisses that brushed from his chest, across the rippled muscles of his stomach, to his navel. Love bites here and there coaxed another moan from him and he very absently hoped his padawan didn't choose this moment to get more water.
Long fingers looped into the waistband of his leggings and slowly eased them off his narrow hips. He shivered slightly as the cool air covered his legs, then bit his lip as more soft touches and kisses covered his tense thighs. Gentle nips sent shocks through his body as they moved closer and closer to his hardness. He gently ran his hand through his lover's hair. "Please..."
His hands clutched the arms as he arched off his chair when his shaft was taken into the warm welcoming mouth. He grit his teeth to keep from shouting as warm lips wrapped around him, his length massaged by the velvet tongue. He slowly tilted his hips forward in rhythm with his lover, clutching the chair arms in time with his motions. Another breathy moan as the same warm hands teased his sac with short blunt fingernails, tracing circular patterns on his skin. His hips moved faster, arching higher and higher off the chair as he neared his crisis.
He came with a shout, his thighs and backside tight as he thrust one final time before pouring himself into his lover's mouth. He licked his lips, his breath coming in short ragged bursts as he slowly came back to himself...
The first thing he noticed was the wet sticky patch on his leggings. His breathing was almost even though he felt a little more tired than before. He moved to refasten his belt and realized his belt was still on. His tunics were a little warmer, his skin a little wetter, but he was for the most part none the worse for wear. Drawing in another deep breath, he retied the drawstrings and slowly made his way to his quarters. He made a note to send Mace a thank you and a bottle of brandy. Glancing again at his leggings, he shook his head and grinned.
"Next time, Jinn," he muttered, "strip."
~~~end~~~
