Archive: JP… anyone else.. just ask.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: An old one but good-un… George Lucas owns Star Wars, Don’t sue us or Glower. We are just having fun, though we wish they were ours.
Summary: Never let me near a beach. This was inspired by a trip to the beach and a VERY vague memory of an X-Files Fanfic. I read it YEARS ago, which means I can’t remember author or title much less where I found it. But I want to give credit where credit is due. It’s sappy as all hell and only Libby could convince me to post this Shite.

The ocean at night is very peaceful. I grew up near it. While I went to school away from it and loved to travel, I always loved coming back home to my ocean.

The gentle murmur of the sea helped me through many of my problems. I would go to my favourite rock and sit on it and watch the waves pound onto the moonlit sands while I thought out my problem. Always, my problem would solve itself by dawn. Often before then, and I just wouldn't realize it until the rising of the sun.

I had my second hardest problem ever, only three days ago.

I had rather unusual neighbours in the form of a Jedi meditation house, which they go to when they need to get away from missions and the temple. Apparently they liked my ocean as well. I didn't mind sharing, I never did. It gave me some interesting playmates.

I picked up a rock and tossed it into the waters while my mind turned over my problem. I, like an idiot, had fallen in love with one of them and didn't even know it until three days ago. It wasn’t part of my conscious thoughts until I saw him kissing the town... um... lady of questionable virtue.

I had nothing personal against the lady. Just because she found a way to have fun that I was too uptight and prudish for didn't mean I shouldn't respect her. After all, she didn't sleep with anyone who wasn't free from other ties and she didn't lead anyone into it being more than it was. She made sure she never broke anyone’s heart, by accident or on purpose. She just... enjoyed herself.

I wasn't jealous. I was envious.

I wanted to be her at that moment. I wanted to know what it was like to be in his arms while he stoked my hair. I wanted to find out if his lips were soft or strong, gentle or unyielding. I wondered if he tasted like spices or sweets. I wanted to be able to freely hold him or touch him, to run my fingers through his short hair or over his braid.

I wanted it so badly the pain of it cut the air off from my windpipe and made me walk straight out of the square to my rock. That is where I sat, from 4 pm that day until the sun came up the next morning.

That was three days ago.

I had come to the conclusion that I was indeed hopelessly in love with him. I loved the time we spent together. I liked being able to make him laugh. I felt privileged to hold him while he cried out the grief of the past mission. I loved talking with him, finding out his thoughts and feelings. I could listen to his musical voice as much as the voice of the sea as he told me of the places he saw and people he met. Come to think of it the man could read the directory listing and I would enjoy it. I treasured those times like the precious jewels they were. His eyes were the oceans personified. They changed with his emotions, blue for peace and calm, green for impishness, dark grey for stormy anger. Small wonder I fell ass over elbows for him.

My second conclusion was to tell him.

That was the most painful decision and why I was out there until dawn. I couldn't really see loosing him as a friend. He was too nice and too reasonable and our friendship was too old for that.

I could see it growing distant though. It would be painful for me to loose that closeness we had, but I knew I had to be honest with him. So tonight, after we enjoyed an evening listening to the local musicians in the nearby pub I walked him back to his meditation house where his master waited. I knew it was a rule to bring him back by ten pm curfew. From ten PM until the doors opened again in the morning he wasn't allowed to leave. Some kind of Jedi tradition I didn't understand but accepted.

Just when he stepped inside the door at two minutes to ten I said, "I have something I have to tell you Obi-wan."

He came to a full stop as his eyes flitted over several colors and emotions before settling on a patient soft blue, for waiting. "Alright." he said nodding

I swallow, "Before I tell you, I need you to understand this isn't anything I expect you to do or say anything about. Oh please gods don’t say anything. It's just... I...I just want you to know... that's all."

Again he nodded encouragement and waited for me. His eyes showed less worry now. Since I said he wasn't supposed to do anything it meant I had the situation under control... supposedly.

I looked down at my shoes trying to summon all the courage I had. When I fell back into his eyes I softly said, "I love you." Any ornamentation beyond that would ruin it.

His face went blank with shock and he held stock-still. Knowing this would be my last chance... my only chance.. I quickly kissed him on the cheek. Nothing more than a soft peck. Longer and I wouldn't have been able to pull away.

His lips, though incredibly tempting, I avoided. That touch should only be when both are willing to give and receive it. A kiss to the lips was too special to be stolen.

With that the bell sounded and I ran away before he could see I was crying. I was in so much grief my chest felt as if someone had reached a hand in there and was squeezing. It turned to feel as if someone had placed a ball of acid in my heart and it was eating me alive from the inside. I held the tears in while I ran. If I didn’t I would have slipped on the rocks and killed myself, but my eyes didn’t need to drop a tear yet, my heart was weeping blood.

I didn't stop running until I reached my rock.

When I got there, the ocean, the constant ocean, was there. The salt of my tears blended with the water and the waves washed my tears away. The gentle wind whispered wordless comfort and took the edge off the memories. I walked to the shore when I was calmer and washed my face in the sea water and sand, scrubbing away my grief, leaving me feeling hallow with a single question.

What do I do now?

I perched back on my rock and listened to the timeless roar of the sea and watched the moon in its flight.

For the first time, the ocean gave me no answers. I simply waited and waited; no glimmer of an idea came. I watched the moon finally dip down and the stars begin to fade into the background of the lighter sky. The grey of predawn usually allowed me a glimpse of an answer or at least the hope that one was there.

Nothing. I simply decided to watch the sun rise. The day was clear so it was going to be spectacular.I didn't need to be told whose footsteps those were. I would recognise the gait in a riot.

But I didn't turn.

I didn't want to see his face. Thankfully, he didn't speak and make me see. He knew of my tradition, I showed him one day while we were children and explained. I thought that he would laugh, he didn't. He simply shrugged and said, "to each their own."

He knew I had to see the sun rise, so he simply sat down behind me, knees bracketing mine as our legs hang over the edge. He laid an arm over the top of my shoulders pulling me into a loose embrace while he rested his chin on my shoulder.

We didn't speak or move, just watched.

I watched as the greys of predawn changed to pinks and purples that reflected in the oceans and stained the sands. Then the change was gradually made to reds and oranges as the sun started to approach the horizon. Finally a red-gold path cut through the water as the sun rose up over the edge.

I wanted to cry.

For the first time, my answer didn't come. The sun had risen but the answer had n...

"I love you too."

END