Rating: PG-13
Summary: Qui-Gon is given a much needed wake-up call.
Spoiler: Mild for JA 6 and 7, but not anything you wouldn't learn from reading the backs of the books. Anyone who's read the JA series will have a deeper insight, but we think this story can stand on its own.
Archive: www.templevoices.com, Sith-Chicks, OKEBFF, QJEBFF, Temple Archives. Anyone else, just ask us.
Notes: Damn, but Qui-Gon treats Obi-Wan badly. We just wanted to knock some sense into him. We were chatting in the Jediprudes room, and pounded this out together. Sharing a brain can be a good thing.
Disclaimer: Now we all know this, but just for fun, let's say it anyhow: George Lucas owns Star Wars, and we just borrow the Jedi for fun and ZERO profit. Obi Wan is 20-ish in this. Think post-TPM, sans mistake.

"Are you Qui-Gon Jinn?" Came a female voice behind him.

"Yes I am," he said, turning around, "how can I..." He didn't finish the sentence.

It's hard to finish a sentence when someone punches you so hard they have rebalanced and rotated your jaw.

He felt himself topple backward and fall to the ground in shock. The Force had given him no warning that it was coming. He saw a very angry young woman about Obi-Wan's age glaring down at him.

"THAT is for how you treat Obi-wan. Maybe it will snap some sense into you!" With that, she marched away from him.

By the time he got over his shock and picked himself off the ground to chase after her, she was a long ways off. When he caught up with her, she had led him to a private park where she stared at the waterfalls.

"What was that about?" he asked

She whirled on him. "YOU," she said distinctly, pointing a finger at his chest, "are an idiot."

"Pardon-" he started

She crossed her arms, he could feel the anger seething inside her, but it didn't feel like darkside anger. It was strange.

"Obi-Wan should have told you to go to hell a long time ago. WHY he puts up with your shit, I have no idea."

He blinked, "Again I am mystified."

She stared at him, "Of course you would be. You are too wrapped up in yourself to care a jot about anyone else, much less your poor Padawan."

He stepped back, "I..."

She ran right on top of him. "That's right! 'I'. That is all you ever think about! You are so engrossed in your own hurts and licking your own wounds you don't even consider the fact you are treating Obi-Wan like shit. What are you doing? Punishing Obi-Wan because you can't punish Xanatos?!"

He was about to respond, when she gave him a look that snapped his mouth shut. It was the same look Yoda would give him when asking him a question saying, Careful how you answer.

She glared him down. "Let me tell you. Obi-Wan cares about you. Why, I have no idea, but he does. He loves the Jedi and all they stand for. He has repeatedly trusted you on nothing more than your word. And what have you done? Criticized him, cut him off, brushed him off and generally made him feel as if you don't want him there. Is that any way to treat a Padawan?"

She leaned back on her heels almost too casually. "Granted as Jedi, there is no passion, only peace, and no emotion, only calm. But damn it, you are all people and have feelings! How would you feel if your master treated you the way you are treating Obi-Wan?"

She smirked a bit. "Because of you, you are instilling fear into him. Is that how you are supposed to teach a Padawan? Put fear into him?"

"Fear of what?"

She lifted her chin. "Fear of rejection. Haven't you noticed that he no longer takes much initiative in anything? Is that a good reaction to have in a Jedi?"

She chuckled. "Or do you really WANT Obi-Wan to go to the darkside? I must say, you are doing a good job of driving him there now."

Qui-Gon looked down at her, his cold blue eyes doing their best to level her. "I have done my very best in teaching Obi-Wan. I'm sure that if he had a problem, he would tell me."

The girl snorted. "And Bantha would sprout wings and fly."

Qui-Gon arched an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

She stepped away from him, waving her arms about, as though presenting to a large audience. "Obi-Wan strives for perfection, terrified that anything less would make you want to send him away. A Padawan who has problems is not a perfect Padawan."

Qui-Gon blinked, "I don't expect perfection from him."

She rolled her eyes and frowned. "Republic to STUPID GUY... HELLO! Yes you do! When he makes a mistake what do you do? Tell him exactly what he did wrong, what worse could have happened, telling him in no uncertain terms you are disappointed with him.

"You also expect absolute trust from him and don't trust him any farther than you can spit." She tossed her hands up in the air, "You are impossible. I don't know why I bothered wasting my breath. You aren't going to listen, because you really don't care."

She threw a pebble into the water, and watched it skip. There were tears in her eyes. "You really don't care about Obi-wan at all, do you?"

Qui-Gon was at a loss for a moment. "Of... of course I care about Obi-Wan," he said.

She laughed, but it didn't sound like she was enjoying herself.

"I do," Qui-Gon protested. "Very much, in fact."

"Could have fooled everyone else."

"Jedi are not to feel such strong emotions as pride and love - much less show them."

"Bull shit. That's a copout, and you know it, Jinn. Why not be honest for once?"

Qui-Gon drew back as if she had struck him. "What do you want from me?" he asked

"To knock some sense into your stubborn head," she spat, "though I don't seem to be making much progress. Don't you know that boy has worshiped you nearly all his life? You are the only father he has known, and you have never given him anything more than a rock and the cold shoulder!"

She sighed. "He is so hurt. So very fragile under everything, but you ignore that. He is not a machine. He needs love, compassion, and a master who won't toss him aside when something better comes along."

Qui-Gon looked at her curiously, "How do you know all of this?"

She bit her lip. "I have been his friend for years, since before he was your Padawan. I was the one that he cried out all his fears on. Every time he comes home, I have to nurse the emotional hurts he has received from you as much as the ones he gets from his missions. He locks it all inside, not wanting you to see any of it."

She rubbed a tear away. "I couldn't take it anymore. My uncle and brother are Jedi; this isn't the way he is supposed to be. I was determined to try and fight the battle he can't. But I can see that I can't make a difference on you, not any more than Obi-Wan can..."

She looked at him. "Can't you see what you are doing to him? Look Qui-Gon, for ONCE, look at him! You will see if you would just open your eyes or your memory."

Qui-Gon stood there as bits and pieces that he had been ignoring for years began to fall into place. The hopeful look in Obi-Wan's eyes every time he learned a new skill... and the way it dimmed every time Qui-Gon seemingly ignored it.

Jedi should not feel pride! Qui-Gon thought he was doing Obi-Wan a favor, especially since he held more than enough pride for them both.

The way Obi-Wan never, ever, initiated so much as a conversation. And the haunted look he sometimes saw in Obi-Wan's eyes, during an unguarded moment.

But Jedi are quiet, introspective people, the logic in his mind cried out. They see horrors as well as beauty. It just takes time to perfect the skill of releasing it all into the Force.

Perfection... And that is what Obi-Wan thought was required.

If only he knew how much Qui-Gon truly cared.

The boy had opened Qui-Gon's heart to the Galaxy, after years of isolation. He was a son in nearly every sense of the word. Every time Qui-Gon saw the straight posture of Obi-Wan's meditation form, the smoothness of a kata, he felt a swelling of pride so great he was forced to cover it abruptly.

With gruffness, with a hint on how to correct some minor detail.

How was he to know the boy only saw the corrections, the lectures, the gruff exterior?

The girl had been watching him carefully while he thought. There were tears hovering at her eyes, but the expression was no longer filled with ice.

She grabbed his hands. "Tell him. Show him. He needs to know, more than you can possibly understand." There was a small sad smile at the corners of her mouth. She let go of his hands and wiped the tears from her eyes with a small laugh. "Oh man I am a mess. Thank the gods you saw and cared. I don't think I could have held him together much longer."

Qui-Gon nodded, "Thank you, for letting me know."

At which point her lower lip trembled, and he got the sense the girl was close to tears of sadness, but for herself this time. "No problem, glad to know I could help. One is not a relation to Jedi without learning a few things about ethics."

"Ethics?" Qui-Gon asked softly. What would ETHICS have to do with this conversation?

She sighed. "Obi-wan made me swear not to tell you. Well, maybe not swear, but it was implied it was just to be between us. I broke that, because I wanted to heal this."

"Hard ethical decision, to break a trust for a greater good." he replied.

She nodded. "Yeah." She turned to walk away, and Qui-Gon got the impression that trust was not all she had broken by doing this. The girl looked to be in as much pain as she was filled with anger earlier. It was as if she had broken her own heart for this.

"Wait," Qui-Gon called after her.

"What?" She asked, her tone flat.

"You... love my Pa- Obi-Wan. You love him, don't you?"

She shrugged. "Even if I did, I wouldn't have a chance with him now. Not after what I just told you."

"Does he know?"

"Hell no. He's an emotional wreck, Jinn. Half the time he spends with me, he's a sniveling mass, either inside or out. To tell him I loved him while he's such a wreck... now THAT's unethical," she sighed. "But like I said, it doesn't matter now."

"Why?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because I just broke nearly every confidence he's ever given me?"

"Not if we don't tell him," Qui-Gon said quietly.

"And what about that lovely bruise you have on your jaw? You know, the one that's the size of my fist?"

"Even a Jedi Master can be clumsy now and then."

She eyed him suspiciously. "Why are you doing this?"

He looked at her, and she saw every emotion pass through his bright blue eyes. "Because I have caused so much hurt for Obi-Wan over the years. I do not wish to cause any more."

She sighs, "I don't like it. It would mean lying to him and that is something I just don't do. Besides, he will wonder why you suddenly started acting different. He will put the clues together Jinn. He's smart like that."

Qui-Gon blinked, "What do you suggest?"

She shrugged. "Tell him the truth. And I mean everything, from how you feel to how you found out. He needs you," her mouth spasmed, "a hell of a lot more than he needs me. I think he mainly needed me for comfort, because I was safe. I am no longer safe, he won't need comfort, he will have you."

She sighed and walked away, "Go tell him, Jinn. The sooner you do, the sooner the healing can start." With that, she disappeared behind the falls.

***

Qui-Gon sat in the darkened room, holding an ice pack to his jaw.

True, he could have gone to the healers, or even gotten rid of the worst of the pain himself, but Qui-Gon felt the need to be reminded of what Kris, the girl, had told him.

And at what cost.

The door opened, and Obi-Wan entered their quarters, turning on the lights. When he saw the bruise that covered the entire left side of his master's jaw, he sprang into action.

"Master! Shall I call a healer? What happened? I'll call a healer," he headed towards the comm unit, but stopped when Qui-Gon called out.

"Wait, Obi-Wan."

"Master?"

"Have a seat. There are things we must discuss. Things that must be said."

There - a flash of terror in Obi-Wan's eyes. How could he have missed it before?

Obi-Wan sat across from his master, slowly, cautiously. "What's wrong, Master?"

Qui-Gon winced at the subtle tremor in Obi-Wan's voice.

"I had a rather... sudden revelation today," Qui-Gon said, gently rubbing his jaw, and smiling on the other half of his face. He was certain he must look a sight.

"Master?"

"I realized, Obi-Wan, that I have neglected something for a very long time. Something that you need very much. I think I had been hiding from the truth of it for a long time... and no wonder, the truth hurts." Again, he gave a half-smile.

"Master, I'm sorry. I'll do better. Just tell me how."

Qui-Gon fought back tears at the desperate not in Obi-Wan's voice. "No, Obi-Wan. It is I who must do better, for I am the one who has been failing all along."

Obi-Wan blinked. "I... don't understand. You have done nothing wrong, Master. Your training is always very thorough, and probably the only reason I haven't washed out completely by now." He ventured a small, self-depreciative smile.

"No."

"Master?" He made no effort to hide the terror and confusion this time.

Qui-Gon took a deep breath. "When you were thirteen years old, and you returned to the order, it was one of the happiest days of my life."

Obi-Wan blinked. "I don't under-"

"And when you learned the Sunset Kata, and all 23 variations, in half the time it took me, I nearly burst with pride at your skills."

"You won first prize in the races at the last Padawan Day, didn't you?" Obi-Wan nodded mutely. "It took all I had not to go up to you with a face-splitting grin."

"And on our last mission, you saved my life. You defied my orders, and pulled me to safety... for which I am eternally grateful. I had tried to send you away then, because I couldn't bear the thought of you dying, Obi-Wan. But you didn't die, and, in fact, you even impressed the Council."

Obi-Wan said nothing, but looked away. Qui-Gon saw light glinting off of what might have been tears.

"You have always gone above and beyond what even the toughest of masters expect from their apprentices, and therein lies my error. I never told you how wonderful you really were. I..." Qui-Gon faltered, and swallowed heavily before going on.

"I have long seen and loved you like a son, but did not want to tell you. I thought I held enough pride for us both. Please, Obi-Wan, forgive me."

But Obi-Wan said nothing.

For a moment, the two Jedi sat there, both afraid to speak.

"Obi-Wan?" This time, it was Qui-Gon's voice that trembled. It had not occurred to him that Obi-Wan would not forgive him.

Obi-Wan drew in a shuddering breath, and faced his master again. His cheeks were dry, but his eyes were filled with unshed tears.

"Why didn't you say anything sooner?" The young man demanded. "I have waited 9 years to hear a compliment, a single kind word - anything to let me know that I was more than an annoyance, forced on you by circumstance."

Qui-Gon wisely remained silent, and for once heard the message within Obi-Wan's words.

"I tried so *hard* to make you accept me, love me. Damn near killed myself more times than I can count anymore. All for a small handful of precious praise."

Despite himself, Qui-Gon felt another swell of pride in the young man before him. Although the emotional agony written all over his face, Obi-Wan kept his shoulders back, his gaze level, and his voice even. He was going to be a formidable Jedi Knight one day.

"I wish I could be angry with you," Obi-Wan said, so softly that Qui-Gon had to strain to hear him, "but I can't. That's not what I feel."

"What do you feel, Obi-Wan?" It was the first time Qui-Gon had asked for other than training purposes.

Obi-Wan focused on a point only he could see. "I feel... happy, but sad at the same time. To hear you say all that, it's a lifelong dream come true... but I'm afraid this will not stay real."

As Qui-Gon searched for a way to prove his sincerity to Obi-Wan, the young man stood.

"I know that I am a failure as a Jedi," he said, "and that I am probably beyond hope. Maybe, if I leave quietly, it won't damage your reputation any."

Qui-Gon stood, and blocked Obi-Wan's path. "Where do you think you're going?"

"To pack."

"We don't have any missions scheduled. In fact, we have the next two weeks to ourselves for down time."

Obi-Wan sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I have failed you, Master. I have been unable to purge myself of fear, and I know how worthless I truly am. Perhaps you can take another apprentice - if I haven't completely put you off them."

Nothing in his Jedi training could have prepared Qui-Gon for dealing with such low self-esteem. So, instead of searching the Code, he opened his heart and mind to the Force, asking for what he should do next. Inspiration came quickly.

Before his logic could object, or Obi-Wan escape, Qui-Gon pulled the young man into a fierce hug.

Obi-Wan froze for a moment, and then wrapped his arms around Qui-Gon, hugging back.

"I already have an apprentice," Qui-Gon whispered as they stood there, embracing like a couple of drowning men. "And there is no way I could ever replace someone as special as you."

***

Qui-Gon smiled the next morning. In fact neither of them could seem to completely erase the smile that seemed to hang on their lips. They were certainly at more ease with each other.

During lightsaber practice Qui-Gon praised what Obi-Wan did right, pointed out what could use work and encouraged him to try again.

At first there was a flash of old fear, but it quickly died when Qui-Gon smiled in encouragement. It was amazing what a single smile could do.

He saw another Master-Padawan pair to the side and they looked vaguely familiar. Then he made the connection; that must be Kris's uncle and brother.

He touched his slightly sore face and winced.

Obi-Wan walked with him as they exited the practice arena. "Master, you really should have that looked at."

"No Padawan, I think I will keep it as it is." he replied

Obi-Wan smirked, "Like you kept your nose? Yoda gave you that to remind you never to judge someone by size. Makes sense you kept it broken and slightly crooked."

Qui-Gon raised both his eyebrows at that. His Padawan had quite a sense of humor. "True, that is why I kept my nose. It seems the important lessons in life are painful for me physically as well as emotionally."

At which point Obi-Wan stopped, "You said you realized the truth and that the truth hurts. Your jaw has something to do with your revelation."

Qui-Gon nodded reluctantly. He had honestly hoped Obi-Wan would never ask so that Kris could have her chance. It took rare courage and strength to break your own heart for the sake of another.

"Well, what happened?" Obi-Wan asked, "Did you fall on a rock and wake up a wiser man?"

Qui-Gon shook his head. "No, sometimes Obi-Wan, you must be slapped in the face in order for someone to get your attention."

Obi-Wan's brow wrinkled. "I don't understand."

He gave a small smile. "Let's just say, your friend Kris should be put in charge of diplomatic relations. She has a rather unique way of hitting her main points."

Obi-Wan's jaw dropped and his eyes went round. "She told you?"

Qui-Gon grinned, and shook his head. "Gave me a right proper lecture, as good as any Yoda gave me."

Obi-Wan just stood there aghast, "I can't believe she told you."

Qui-Gon put his hand on the younger man's shoulder. "She did it because she cares very deeply for you. She knew you would feel betrayed by this, but she felt the potential good of you regaining your self esteem and in a way your master out weighed the consequence of losing you."

Obi-wan simply stared at empty space. "Kris..."

Qui-Gon squeezed Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Don't be too hard on her." He saw his apprentice had his thoughtful face on. He left Obi-Wan to think and sent a silent prayer to the Force that she would be rewarded for her sacrifice.

***

Kris gave a sigh as she waited for the laughter to die down.

When her brother Sig and Uncle Wan had come over for lunch, and saw her hand, they demanded to know what happened. She gave them the short short version and they started laughing.

That was five minutes ago.

"Yeah, sure, yuck it up why don't you!" she muttered, "I don't see what is so very funny about striking a Jedi Master in a fit of anger."

"That is not what is funny, Sis! What is funny is the fact you actually connected!" Sig laughed

Wan grinned. "I must say, I wondered why Qui-Gon looked a sight this morning."

"How are they?" she asked casually

Wan smiled. "VERY good. They are actually talking and laughing together when they exited the arena. I figured they had a heart to heart last night and Qui-Gon's jaw was part of that."

Kris smiled slightly. "That is good news. Now I don't have to worry about Obi-wan coming back in a tithy anymore."

She sighed to herself; she won't have to worry about him coming ever again.

She was glad Obi-Wan had his master now. She thought that Qui-Gon was a good-hearted man, but as her uncle said, for a man so open to the Living Force he was so blind to the living.

Her uncle and brother left to return to the temple and she cleaned the dishes. Obi-Wan may know of her betrayal, but she doubted Qui-Gon would tell of her heart. Qui-Gon would grant her that much dignity.

Truth be told if she knew her sending the Jedi master flying with a well timed punch would solve things between him and Obi-Wan she would have done it long ago.

She was helplessly in love with Obi-Wan but refused to impose love on him while he was vulnerable and an emotional wreck. That would be against everything she held dear. Oh, when he was crying in her arms, she didn't lay a finger on him that was not strictly platonic.

She knew she could have easily seduced him in those times and that he was probably half expecting it. Given any encouragement, he probably would have seduced her. But she kept things on the level until he was comforted emotionally...

Then she would shut the door and fling herself to bed to dream about all the things she wished she HAD done.

It had gotten to a point where she didn't know if her sanity or her control would crack first.

She sighed as she finished up and decided to walk in the parks. She never let Obi-wan see her tears. He had enough troubles of his own; he didn't need hers.

She sat behind the falls. No one could see her here; the roaring curtain covered up her sobs and sniffles. Moisture on her face could be attributed to the spray.

Maybe it was a good thing that Obi would never want her now because of how she betrayed him. He was wonderful even with his cripplingly low self-esteem. If he knew how wonderful he was...

She sighed, he would be unstoppable that is what. Wonderful, wise, beautiful and completely beyond her.

She hugged her knees as she sat down, trying to pull some of herself to fill the void inside her. Giving him up so he could be everything he dreamed of was worth it.

But it didn't make it any easier.

How long she sat curled in her tight ball with her head buried she couldn't tell.

There was a touch at her shoulder and she looked up, to see Obi-Wan crouching next to her.

She sniffled. "Hi."

"Hello," he said, smiling softly.

"How's it going?" Kris asked, pretending he hadn't found her bawling behind the falls.

"Very well," he said, tucking a bit of hair behind her ear, "thanks to you. How's your hand?"

"Hurts like hell," she grinned weakly.

"Qui-Gon has a rather thick skull, doesn't he?"

She started to laugh, but it dissolved into tears. "I'm sorry," she whimpered.

"Hey, what's this about?"

"I told him... you asked me not to, but I did anyhow. Not only that, but I damn near busted his jaw in the process."

Obi-Wan grinned. "That is rather impressive in itself. And your telling him turned out to be a good thing, Kris."

Kris had nothing to say to that, so she just turned her face into the spray from the falls. She started when Obi-Wan picked up her injured hand.

"Here, let me," he said, and sent healing Force, repairing the damage. "So, why did you hit him?"

She sighed. "Sometimes, the only way to get a message across to someone is to hit them as hard and as often as possible."

Obi-Wan chuckled as he finished sending away the last of the bruises. "That's going to be stiff for a little while, so go easy, okay?"

Kris nodded, and they sat in silence for a while.

"Thank you," Obi-Wan said, leaning in close to her. "Thank you."

"For what?" Kris snorted. "For breaking your trust? For catching your master off his guard with a wicked right hook?"

He silenced her with a light touch to her lips.

"For forcing my hard-headed master to see the light," he said. "And for being the woman I love."

He kissed her; just the barest brushes of his lips against hers, but it sent a jolt to her brain.

"Say that again?" She asked, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I love you."

"I love you, too," she answered, and kissed him back.

<end>