Rating: G
Summary: Obi-Wan’s final realization of the far-reaching implications of choices made during the battle on Naboo.
Disclaimer: George Lucas owns Star Wars, all of the characters
Spoilers: TPM, ANH
Archive: TempleVoices and ETOS
Notes: I love first person, and I love dark topics, so this was a breeze to write. I hope you enjoy the first thing my twisted mind came up with in more than three months. I wrote this story for Exploring the Other Sidem to explore Obi-Wan's dark side better. Gee... me, exploring angsty topics? Feedback: Yes! Do you agree with my POV? Think I’m completely off base? Have the name of a good psychiatrist?
"Once touched, the Dark Side will forever dominate your life."
My master's long-ago words drifted through my mind like a touch from beyond the grave, and I finally knew how true they were. With a resigned sigh, I powered up my lightsabre, and turned to face the black-shrouded fiend I had once called friend, brother, and student.
Vader's mechanical breathing rasped and echoed off the walls, only slightly labored from our duel. A duel that I knew with a certainty that I would not walk away from. I had, after all, lost the duel more than thirty years before it had begun.
It had seemed the right thing to do at the time; my master was dying before my eyes, and I feared that I would soon join him, once my grip on the metal spout gave. The Sith, Darth Maul, leered at me from above as he kicked my lightsabre over the edge, watching it tumble away into darkness, and I had no wish to follow after it.
That was the very moment I became aware of how pervasive the Dark Side is. I realized that all I needed to do was feel my own fear and rage, and I would be able to surprise my foe and defeat him. I gathered those dark emotions around me, ignoring the sense of disappointment from my master, and launched up from the precipice, calling my master's lightsabre to my hand.
It was over in a heartbeat, and I pushed aside the thrill of victory as I rushed to my master's side. He only had but moments left to live, but I saw the faith and love he held for me, even as he bade me to train Anakin.
Perhaps my master had hoped that becoming a master in my own right would wash me clean of my momentary sin, as I thought it would. What better way to atone for one moment of weakness, than to put all my heart and soul into training the Chosen One?
Over the next few years, I watched, as Anakin grew increasingly frustrated with his place in life and his inability to find a happy niche within the Jedi Order. I tried to help him, but soon learned that things were better off without my interference. When difficulties developed between Anakin and his young love, I stood back and bit my tongue, although I could easily see the roots within Anakin's own growing self-hatred.
Nothing I did seemed to help the boy, despite my very best of intentions. I felt that nothing, not even the death of my own master, could rival the heartbreak I felt upon failing my Padawan.
Then came the day I was forced to fight my Padawan not in a training session, but as a deadly foe who would as soon kill me than grant mercy. The coldness in his eyes frightened me with their alien presence, but this time I did not allow my weakness to get the better of me. I fought as a true Jedi, and stood as the bittersweet victor as Anakin tumbled into the lava that should have killed him, but only crippled him.
When I learned of Darth Vader's mostly mechanical form, I knew that all hope of reviving the loving boy I once knew was lost. So I hid Anakin's children, each in plain sight, and stayed by the boy, hoping to make everything right once more. Hoping that one day, the boy would be ready for training, and that my history of failing the Skywalker clan was finally at an end.
And so it was that when I came face to face with Vader as Luke, Han Solo, and the Wookie rescued Luke's unknown sister, that I knew my destiny had finally, truly caught up with me. All my life, from the moment I had pulled my self out of the melting pit on Naboo, I had been running. Running from the consequences of my actions and choices, although I knew no man could ever escape his final destiny, especially one of his own making.
I had no wish to die; I had so much more I wanted to do. I had been a living dead man for so long, and the introduction of Luke's vibrant presence into my life had filled me with energy and a sense of purpose once more. In fact, if I had chosen to, I could likely have defeated Vader, so infused with the Force was I.
But, as my master had once told me, it takes a wise man to see when there is no real choice. I knew that I was finally done with what needed to be done, and that the rest would continue without me. Luke had been set upon the Jedi path, and Solo, for all his bluster would make sure that Luke was safe until he could watch out for himself.
"If you kill me," I said, purposely to anger Vader, "I will become more powerful than you can imagine."
I held my lightsabre aloft in the traditional Jedi salute, and stood firm as Vader's red blade sliced through me in an echo of another Sith and another Jedi from years before. In the moment before my form dissolved into the Force, I felt Anakin. Not Vader, but Anakin, as his mind cried out in horror at what he had just done.
I died at peace, happy for the first time in years. Anakin was still there, buried underneath all the black armor and mechanics, deep beneath the evil psyche of Darth Vader. And if I could have touched the Dark Side, yet for the rest of my life remained loyal to the Light, then perhaps there was still a chance for redemption for a boy who had been lost long ago.
~fin~
