December 23, 1996
Dear Brother West:
As Christians, we have a narrow idea of who is our brother. While I have never met you, your wife and my wife know each other quite well. Because we have the same father, God, and the same older brother, Jesus Christ, and were born into the same family, the human race, we are both brothers. I hope this doesn’t offend you.
Men are too quick to avoid what may appear to be intimate friendships
for fear of being called a homosexual, or effeminate or odd. Therefore,
we stay at arms length from earth other and by so doing miss much
good friendship, wholesome companionship, and brotherly love.
There is a way of expressing or manifesting brotherly friendship
without offending or causing needless embarrassment.
Perhaps you have listened to the G. Gordon Liddy talk show which
originates from Washington D. C. While I find much of what he
says to be offensive and certainly is not manly (swearing and
sexually suggestive comments are not the sign of a manly man),
he, nevertheless has some valuable ides of manly affections.
One of his sons is an active marine. When Liddy visits him, even
on base, he is not shy or embarrassed about hugging his marine
son. Neither of them are put off by this open display of affection
between two grown men. Liddy has often remarked that most of the
other men who witness his affection for his son secretly wish
their fathers would love and embrace them in the same way.
We need to overcome our father taught inhibitions over expressing
nonsexual affection for each other. A warm handshake or a friendly
slap on the back is acceptable almost everywhere. Women understand
that touching is the best way of expressing genuine warmth but
we must be careful to avoid undue familiarity. There is moderation
in all things.
If we would only realize that all men are brothers and act as
if we belonged to the same family, this world would be a happier
place in which to live. And, who knows, we might actually make
some unexpected friends in the process.
Everyone needs someone else. Women intuitively know that they
need other women friends but men have not yet learned this basic
lesson. Sure we have acquaintances. We go hunting or drinking
with other men, we may watch football with friends, but this is
not real friendship. Men need friends but very few of us have
real, lasting, and fulfilling male companions.
When Christ was upon the earth, He associated with men on many
occasions. In fact, he surrounded himself with men and no one
ever accused him of being gay or effeminate. He understood the
value of male companionship and loved his disciples as brothers.
One of the greatest acts of love Christ displayed for his brothers
was to wash their feet just hours before he died. In His society,
this was considered to be a very humble and demeaning act, one
normally performed by a servant or slave but He desired to demonstrate
His infinite love for them and though this act forever manifested
this love in a way that finally touched their hearts as no other
act of Christ had ever done.
Men desperately need to love as Christ loved but first we need
to be loved as Christ loved His disciples. We need male friends
and companions, therefore, we should be willing to befriend other
men despite their cold response or outright rejection of our friendship.
By acting friendly we shall have friends.
Let us pray that Christ will show us how to manifest friendship
to other men in such a way that they will discern a wholesome,
brotherly affection that the world cannot offer. Only through
Christ can we as men reach our greatest potential of brotherly
love. As we love others, we shall be loved by others. As we look
upon others as brothers, Christ looks upon us as His brother.
What a privilege to be the brothers of God. What love and condescension
He reveals by calling us brother.
May the Lord bless you, my brother, with brotherly love and the
ability to comfort your brothers. Your brother in Christ.
Allen A. Benson