December 23,1996
Dear Brother Henderson:
We should never forget the kindness shown to us by our brothers and sisters. Here, I am not referring just to our natural family but to that larger family of humanity which is the family of God. While you and I are not related through birth, we are related through God, our father and Christ, our older brother. Thus, I use the greeting of “brother” to signify our relationship through Jesus Christ.
It is especially difficult for men to understand our family relationship
and responsibility to other men who live or work around us. If
we don’t perceive them as rivals or potentially useful to
us in some way, we may be indifferent toward them or outright
hostile. Certainly we don’t want to get close to them. Next
time you are in church or some other place of common seating,
observe how close to each other men chose to sit. I was conversing
recently with a man who sells church pews for a living. He informed
me that, in his industry, it was common knowledge that men will
not sit any closer to each other then 18 inches. This factor had
to be taken into consideration when estimating how many people
could be accommodated in a standard sized church pew. Women will
sit next to each other without experiencing any embarrassment
or hesitation but men prefer to leave at least one seat between
themselves and another man. We should leave a vacant seat between
ourselves and another woman, other then our wife, but this is
for a different reason altogether.
Men often associate together in groups for such purposes as hunting,
athletics or sports, business luncheons, committee meetings, and
of course the military but seldom do we feel comfortable associating
with another man in a one on one relationship or context.
It is well known that few men have close male friends and seldom
experience the joys of genuine male caring and bonding. I’m
not sure why men find it difficult to enjoy such society in any
relationship other then in groups.
When Christ was upon earth, He recognized this need for men to associate in groups, for He choose twelve men as His disciples. The Bible often portrays them as an entire group or as groups of several men. However, Christ also felt comfortable with situations where only one or two other men were present. As He is our pattern for all things, we should imitate His example and cultivate relationships with one or two men as well as groups of men. But this is easier said then done.
I wonder if we find it difficult to associate with another man
in a close relationship because we seldom have a close relationship
with our own fathers. A boy learns how to be a man through imitating
his father or another important man, if his own father is not
available. Very few men honor their own fathers with love and
affection for they seldom showed love and affection for us. Thus
boys are taught that manly love is not a virtue but rather a vice
to be avoided at all costs. This is as Satan would have it for
he delights in causing misery and unhappiness anywhere he can
create it. When we fail to experience wholesome male companionship
we miss one of the finer things in life, the joy and bonding that
can occur between two men who have a wholesome love for earth
other. This love, by the way, is not sexual in nature but is most
aptly characterized by the descriptive term of brotherly love
or caring for the welfare and well-being of another man.
Christ would have all of us realize our responsibility to our
brothers for making their lives as happy and pleasant as possible.
Men have a tremendous power for good in our own families, the
church, and community. If we only believe that we are loved and
accept expressions of brotherly love from other men without questioning
the motive or fearing the consequences of yielding to these expressions
and reciprocating with our own manifestations of love, this world
would be a better place for everyone.
Because our English language has only one word or term for love
much misunderstanding and confusion results when it is used without
sufficient qualifiers. Perhaps the best qualifier I can use is
to describe this love as godly love as expressed through the life
of Jesus Christ.
I desire that all men realize the height, depth, length, and breadth
of Christ’s love for them that they, in turn, may love others
as they are loved by Him. Through this means many brothers may
be saved from a life of sin and loneliness. It is our privilege
and responsibility to love others as Christ first loved us.
May the Lord bless you with a deeper knowledge of Himself and
His love for you, my brother. Your brother in Christ.
Allen A. Benson