December 31, 1997
Dear Br. Bobby Williams:
Before our son died last January, he often referred to himself as a marshmallow. Tim was over six feet tall, had good muscles for a man his age, and certainly wasn’t what you and I would call a marshmallow. When I first heard him use that description of himself, I kindly reprimanded him for putting himself down, as I thought. But he explained to me that he had learned to be kind and thoughtful of others, instead of mean-spirited, hateful, angry, bitter, resentful, and physically aggressive, especially toward women and girls.
I still didn’t like the expression but I understood what
he meant by it. Someday, very soon now, you will grow into a man
and have a family of your own. That may seem strange for you are
yet a boy but if Christ should delay much longer you will mature
both physically, emotionally, and spiritually into a real man.
But the question, for you to answer, Jake, is what kind of man
you will become? You are now in training for manhood which is
only a few years away. Each day you develop habits and lean skills
that are preparing you for either being a good man or a wretched
man; either a kind and generous man or a spoiled brat who has
never really grown up even though he may have a man’s body.
Which type shall you become?
You are not too young to consider this problem. Each day we make
decisions that affect what we shall become later in life. No one
is ever too old to resolve to be a better man or woman. When you
marry do you want your family to fear you or to love you. Do you
want others to admire your talents or criticize your life or how
you raise your children.
Right now you have some very beautiful traits of character. You
can be kind and thoughtful when you allow yourself to exhibit
these traits. God has blessed you with some excellent talents
and habits, how are you using them now and how will you use them
in the future?
Is God pleased with your behavior, Jake, especially toward your
sisters and mother or does he frown upon you when you are mean
and petty? God loves you no matter what course you choose but
he would prefer that you let your kind and generous nature predominate.
Resolve today to let your better character traits shine through and studiously repress everything that is ugly and mean. You are like a flower in God’s garden. He waters it and lets the sun shine on it in order that it amy develop a lovely color and scent. What type of flower are you now and what type of flower does God desire you to become?
How a boy or man treats his sisters or wife manifests his true
character. He cannot hide it for others will see it and comment
upon it for good or bad. When others look at you what do you want
them to say about your character? Begin today, my dear brother
Jake, to treat your sisters and mother in the way you would want
God to treat you. If you enjoy being criticized, condemned, ignored,
yelled at, belittled, embarrassed, hit or kicked, or trashed in
any number of other ways then you should treat your sisters and
mother in this way for God will certainly allow you to be treated
by others as you treat the members of your own family.
But I don’t think you would enjoy being treated in this fashion,
nobody does, certainly not your sisters or mother or any other
woman, or man, either. No one likes or wants to be treated meanly,
it is not a sign of manliness to mistreat women or girls. God
is calling you to be a Godly man, to exhibit his character traits
of love, compassion, mercy, forgiveness, patience, joy, and kindness
especially towards those who may be smaller or weaker then we
are. I believe you love God and desire to treat others the way
you want Him to treat you. I don’t believe you enjoy abusing
your sisters or mother. I think you feel guilty doing these things
and wish you could stop.
You are a good boy, a boy whom God loves very much and desires
that you love others as he loves you. Be all that you can be for
the Lord. It is better to be loved by God then to hate and hurt
others.
May God bless you, my dear Jake, and never repress your good instincts
or character traits. Be joyful and happy because God loves you
and you love him. Your brother in Christ.
Allen A. Benson