March 10,1997
Dear Br. Robert:
If there is a single scripture that men have committed to memory and can quote at a moments notice, it is Ephesians 5:22 “Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands.” And verse 23 “For the husband is the head of the wife.” We love to dwell on these scriptures for they seem to authorize us to rule over our wives, and by implication, our families with something bordering on an autocratic rule. We often justify the cruelest behavior on the basis of these two scriptures or demand sexual submission, from our wives, to practices that even prostitutes would find revolting. And we do this in the name of submission, confident that God has given us this authority.
Lets read these two verses from Ephesians in their entirety to
determine their real intent and meaning. “Wives, submit yourselves
unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the
head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and
he is the Savior of the body.”
Please note the word “EVEN” as Christ is the head of
the church. Another way of expression this verse is to say that
a husband is the head of his wife in the same fashion or manner
as Christ is the head of the church. In other words our pattern,
for our rulership over our wives and families, is Christ’s
rule over the church. The problem, with these two verses, is not
that Christ placed us in a position of authority over our families,
but how that authority is to be exercised.
These two texts beg a question, why or for what purpose did Christ
place us in a position of authority in our families? The answer
is also contained in this section of chapter 5, verse 23 “for
he is the Savior of the body.” In this portion of verse 23,
Christ is referring to the church or believers in a corporate
or collective sense as a body in the same fashion or manner that
he uses the term or illustration in 1 Corinthians 12 to refer
to the various talents each member of the church or body of Christ
as given by the holy spirit.
“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let their
wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Verse 24.
Here we have the model for male headship of the family in the
headship of Christ over the church. Just as the believer is to
submit to Christ’s rule, so our wives are to submit to our
rule Therefore, the manner of our rule over our wives and families
ought to be a mirror reflection of Christ’s rule over the
believer or church.
Verse 25 expands on this representation of Christ’s rulership.
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the
church, and gave himself for it.” Please note that pesky
work “EVEN” which means “in the same fashion, in
the same manner or way that Christ gave himself for the church,
we are to love our wives.”
Ask yourself a question, dear brother, who desires to rule over
your wife with a rod of iron, demanding implicit submission or
obedience to his every whim or desire, how did Christ “Give”
himself for the church? “Let this mind be in you, which was
also in Christ Jesus: who, being in the form of God, thought it
not robbery to be equal with God: but made himself of no reputation,
and was made in the likeness of men: and being found in fashion
as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death,
even the death of the cross.” Philippians 2;5-8
Do you, dear brother, look upon yourself as God to your wife,
then do as God did, and then you may rule them with a rod of iron,
if you still desire to do so. Are you wiling to die for your wife?
Do you love her enough that you would rather spend time helping
her with the dishes then watch a football game? Have you given
yourself to her to such a degree that her interests are of infinitely
greater value then yours?
A very crude, but practical analogy of what Christ did for the
church would be encompassed in the illustration of a man who loves
his erring wife so much that, in order to save her from her errant
ways, he would give up his masculinity, submit to a surgical sex
change operation, and become a woman, if by so doing he could
redeem her from her corruption and immorality.
The entire old testament book of Hosea concerns a profit of God,
commanded to marry a prostitute and have children by her, who
loved his erring wife so dearly, that he literally bought her
back from slavery that resulted from her prostitution.
We understand, at least in part, the depth of Christ’s love
for us through the practical manifestation of that love by his
death on the cross. But why did Christ sacrifice himself in this
fashion? Ephesians 5:26 says, “That he might sanctify and
cleanse it (the church, the individual believer, us) with the
washing of water by the word. That he might present it to himself
a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing;
but that it should be holy and without blemish.”
The reason or purpose for Christ’s sacrifice of himself was
that he might cleanse us from the stain of sin and moral impurity
and corruption. The purpose, therefore, for his sacrifice, was
or is our redemption from sin that we might live with him throughout
eternity without sin, which he refers to as “spot” or
“wrinkle” or “any such thing” Only in this
fashion can he remove the stain of sin from our characters and
present us faultless before the Father.
“So ought men to love their own wives...” Verse 28.
Christ illustrated the nature, purpose, manner and character of
leadership through his own self-sacrifice and death so that we
may understand the purpose, manner, and character of male leadership
in our own households.
As Christ was commissioned by his Father, with the responsibility
of cleansing the church or believer of the spot and stain of sin,
so the purpose for our male leadership of our wives and children
is to accomplish the same objective in our own families. We, therefore,
are given the privilege and responsibility of representing Christ
and his character before our wives and children. The authority,
he invested in us, is his authority of love over the church. We
are to rule with love, as he rules over us with love.
“Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men would
do to you, do ye even so to them...” Matthew 7:12. If you
desire to rule your wives and future children with a rod of iron,
you manifest, by this demeanor, your desire to be ruled in the
same manner by Christ himself or by others, for we will most assuredly
receive what we dispense to others, for this is a law of the kingdom
of God. If we delight in unconditional, unquestioning obedience
and submission to an arbitrary rule; if we enjoy being humiliated,
embarrassed, physically abused, emotionally traumatized, belittled,
and cruelly oppressed, then we may rule our families in this fashion.
But I doubt that men would enjoy the same rule or authority being
inflicted upon them as we so often desire to inflict upon others.
Ultimately, then, the purpose for our male leadership of our families,
is to illustrate the character of God in our manly bearing and
dignity and loving, self-sacrificing attitude toward those whom
we rule. If our wives and children do not see Christ reflected
in our bearing, attitudes, decisions, habits, personality, mannerism,
words and speech, and deportment when at home and in public, then
we may NEVER claim male leadership in our families.
But conversely, if we reflect Christ’s virtues and character,
then it is safe for our wives and children to submit to our rule
for we will rule them in the same fashion that we desire Christ
to rule over us, with love, compassion, mercy, gentleness, peace,
longsuffering, goodness, temperance, meekness, caring and sensitivity,
with a tender regard for their feelings. He rules us in the same
fashion that we guard the reputation and good name of our wife,
mindful of her needs above our own. If we rule in this fashion
then we are Christ-like and we need never enforce our rule for
our families will delight to follow our guidance and counsel for
they intuitively understand that we have chosen to submit ourselves
to Christ’s rule of love first, before attempting to rule
them.
Dear brother, cease immediately in your claim to male leadership
until you have humbled your heart before the Lord, confessed your
cold, indifferent, or callous attitude and resolve, today, to
reflect Christ’s glory or character of unconditional, self-sacrificing
love. A truly Godly man will never quote Ephesians 5 to justify
his leadership, for his leadership is never in question by those
whom he is commissioned or authorized to lead.
I do not speak these words because I have knowledge of any wrong
doing on your part but, rather, speaking plainly the truth in
Jesus Christ, that you and others may be warned and encouraged
to avoid those common pitfalls into which many men have fallen
to the ruin of themselves and their families. May the Lord bless
you and your wife with love and compassion for each other in the
hour of temptation and trial. Your brother in Christ.
Allen A. Benson