April 4, 1997
Dear Br. West:
When I write to men, I am often forced to speak in generalities because I don’t know each of the more then 85 men, to whom I write every three months, well enough to phrase a particular topic in individual terms. It is also my intent, through these letters, to encourage thought and discussion among husbands and wives and to stimulate men to get off our soft rear ends, cultivated by endless hours in front of the television, and do something constructive and positive to benefit our families and communities, not to mention ourselves. It is for these reasons, that I address myself to you, in this and other letters, in less then personal terms. I hope you will excuse this impersonal manner of writing, it is the best I can do under the circumstances.
The scripture says, “Honor thy father and mother, that thy
days may be long upon the land which the Lord they God giveth
thee.” The question naturally arises, since I do not currently
own any land, what land is the Lord referring to in this scripture
and why should it be a reward for honoring my parents? If you
notice, this fifth commandment of the ten commandments, is the
only one of the ten with a promise attached to it, therefore,
it reasonably follows that the Lord regards honoring parents of
such significance that He attaches a promise to its fulfillment.
Very few people receive land in this world. It can truly be said
of most people, and especially of Christians, that we are only
pilgrims, passing through the land on our way to our heavenly
home. Few of us are sufficiently fortunate or well endowed enough
to purchase land on the earth. Therefore, the land, which the
Lord is referring to must be land in our heavenly home.
How can we inherit this land, given on condition of honoring our
parents, if we are not in heaven and how can we obtain entrance
to the heavens if we are not obedient to the Lord. Thus, God placed
the fifth commandment in the ten commandments as an evidence of
the importance He places on honoring our parents. It is most certainly
a truism that children, today, do not honor their parents, but
seek, in every way, to cast contempt, ridicule, or embarrassment
upon them, despising them, rejecting their values, spurning their
love, steeling from and killing them. “And even as they did
not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over
to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness,
covetousness, maliciousness: full of envy, murder, debate, deceit,
malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful,
proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,
without understanding, covenant-breakers, without natural affection,
implacable, unmerciful; who knowing the judgments of God, that
which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the
same, abut have pleasure in them that do them.” Romans 1:28-32
Is there any doubt that this inspired description applies to children
today, especially children of Christian families “who knowing
the judgments of God....” Here are a group of children who
fully understand the requirements of God and, despite this knowledge,
delight in every evil and wicked thing. They shall not inherit
an eternal home.
Foreseeing the future, God placed emphasis on parental respect
as a counter weight to the corruption of the youth of this age,
literally moments before Christ’s second advent and our departure
from the earth for our heavenly home. Nothing could be clearer,
any one who desires to enjoy heaven for an eternity, cannot do
so without honoring their parents, for God has placed the responsibility
upon parents of representing him to their children. Wether they
live up to this God-ordained trust or fail of reflecting His character
to their children, God still requires children to respect or honor
them in the same way that all his children should respect and
honor Him. Thus, respect due parents is but respect due the Lord
through His delegated instructors and care-givers, our parents.
To dishonor our parents is to cast contempt upon our Creator,
and Judge. Christ identifies himself with parents of all ages
and expects children, of all ages, to demonstrate respect and
honor for them and Him through manifold tokens of love, generosity,
mercy, kindness, faithfulness, and reverence. While younger members
of the family, it is our duty to obey our parents as they teach
us, first of God, then of ourselves, then of our relationship
to each other, As we grow older, our world expands, and our responsibility
for our parents alters, although it can never be said that we
no longer need to honor or respect them.
As we and they age, the roles of care giver may reverse and it
is our opportunity to repay them for the years of care and love
they showered upon us by caring for and loving them when they
are no longer able to take care of themselves. This is as much
a part of honoring our parents as obedient to their authority
during our childhood was also respect due parents. To make it
possible for our parents to remain in their home as long as possible
is incumbent upon adult children. One purpose for the injunction
that the Lord has given us is to promote the comfort and well-being
of our parents when age overtakes them and they can no longer
provide for themselves.
Nursing care may be required but the day of the nursing home should
be prolonged and every other avenue explored before resorting
to this expedient. But when mother or father require care beyond
our means or ability, our responsibility continues, even into
the nursing home. These places are cold and indifferent at best,
therefore, all we can do to brighten the lives of our parents
and supply little comforts or luxuries is a tangible manner of
saying thanks for the years of sacrifice they expended upon us
when we were but babies or toddlers.
How it rejoices the heart of God to see his adult children making
provision, not only for nursing care, but for the happiness and
well-being of aged parents. It coasts us so little to provide
some small token of love and care that it must shame the angels
to see our stinginess and withdrawal of sympathy and love. All
such neglect is registered in the books of heaven and if we are
to enter this land of promise, we must repent of our wicked ways
and neglected opportunities and make restitution, as far as possible,
to our parents or to the neglected parents of other adult children
Additionally, this commandment encompasses respect for all persons
more elderly then ourselves, for the leadership of the church,
the community, the state, and the nation. In short, God requires
of all his children that we respect all those who are in positions
of authority. We may not agree with their policies and seek to
overturn them, but Christ enjoins upon all of us to respect and,
as far as possible, to obey all those who are in leadership positions,
without disregarding our first allegiance to God.
There are many children, both young and old, who must humbly confess
their sin and repent of their conduct toward their parents and
persons in positions of authority if they are ever to realize
the Lord’s promise to the obedient. It matters not wether
our parents are deserving of respect or honor, for many of them
are not, but it matters to God that we demonstrate our love for
Him through the person of our parents and leaders. Respect and
honor do not denote subservience or approval of a certain course
of action. We can respect our parents and leaders while disapproving
of their actions. Such respect, often unlooked for and undeserved,
may subdue the stubborn heart or awaken chords of love in the
stony heart that knows not Christ. Perhaps, through the manifestation
of love, we may realize the pleasure of seeing our parents in
heaven who might not be there were it not for our obedience to
the Lord.
Thus there devolves upon children the privilege and responsibility
of obedience and the reward of seeing souls saved to the kingdom
of God. But let us respect our parents, not because of the promised
reward, but because we love Christ who identifies himself with
our parents. Love for the Lord is the great motivation that should
actuate the Christian child and serve as the motivating principal
in our lives.
May the Lord grant you the respect and honor of your children
as they see you and your wife respecting your parents or the aged
parents of other children who are neglecting their obligations.
Your brother in Christ.
Allen A. Benson