AND THEN MOST CERTAINLY...

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A NETAHOLIC IF...

• your ISP pays "YOU" to disconnect once in a while!
• you spend 12 or more hours a day on ICQ!
• you spell everything out in your head before you say it!
• while adding new software you loose your browser and E-mail program and write friends from another puter to say "I'm in REHAB...having detox sessions for E-mail ADDICTION! Right now I am experiencing withdrawl and hope everyone will pray for me!"
• if you wake up at 3AM and instead of heading to the john, you sit down in front of the puter!
• you get backaches from standing up!
• you are 3 weeks into the internet and TOTALLY hooked! (yeah we all been there!)
• you can't think of anything else!
• you kick the dog out of the way to get to the PC!
• you turn on the puter even before ou go to the bathroom in the morning!
• you realize you have to take time out to fill out this form!
• you can see the monitor from the bathroom!
• you schedule your nighttime activities around your chat schedule!
• you would rather "surf" than have "sex"!
• your kids ask "when is supper?" and you say in a minute, the next thing you know it is morning and the kids are asking where is breakfast?
• you notice your husband has a beard and 3 months ago he didn't !
• you say LOL to your net friends instead of laughing out loud!
• you can't sleep at night because you are online!
• you *smile*, *hug*, and *kiss* your net friends more than you do your real family!
• you hurriedly splice together the phone line your puppy chewed so you can "surf" before you go to work!
• you have a carpenter install a toilet where the puter chair used to sit so you don't have to stop chatting!
• you give up drinking beer so you can pay for online access!
• you have guests over for dinner and you call them to all come and see the URL you just recieved!
• your spouse calls you puter your "mistress"!
• you fall asleep thinking about the last web site ou were on!
• all of your friends and family can only find you online!
• you have your quadraphonic Bose 901 speakers hooked up to your pc!
• your puter starts to talk back to you!
• you absolutely, positively have to answer and forward your E-mail before you go to bed!
• you wake up and start hitting links before you wsh your face and link all day without stopping till you pass out!
• you start screaming "LOL", "LOL", when you see something funny!
• you crash your car into a power pole and automatically start looking for the "BACK" button!
• your friends all complian that they can't ring you because the line is always busy, so you put in another line without telling them!
• your child's teacher wonders why he/she is always late for school lately!
• your friends comment that they haven't seen you much lately and you tell them you have been sick...then say "LOL" after they leave because it's this "net sickness"!!
• you and your "IRL" friends get together for a few drinks and only talk abut what you have been doing on the net!
• at the beginning of every conversation with a friend you declare "user is online" and "incoming chat request"!
• you go on vacation and wonder if anyone misses you!
• you try to "sneak" a few minutes on the puter here and there!
• without it you would have no friends!

BUT SURELY...

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A NETAHOLIC IF...

• you hear "UH-OH" when you close your eyes!
• all you can think of is checking your E-Mail!
• all you can think of is your online boyfriend whom you've never met!
• you spend more than 5 hours a day here!
• you love terrorizing chat rooms!
• you know your friend's E-Mail address but not their real street address!
• writing real letters becomes too much like work!
• your favorites list contains more than 50 URL's!
• you can't remember all the stuff on your web page, much less the stuff on others!
• when your spouse wants to talk to you they have to say "Incoming Chat Request"!
• your best friend tells you they have to get a puter and meet you in Yahoo spades or ICQ just to tell you they are still living!
• you search for a keyboard to type LOL when someone makes you laugh!
• you have a nervous breakdown when you get booted off ICQ!
• you give up you nightly viewing of the Sunset Beach episode you taped earlier so you can stay online!
• you buy 2 cartons of cigarettes a week but only smoke 2 packs because they burn up in the ash tray while you surf or chat!
• you grieve over the loss of a friend who has unsubbed from your list and you find yourself sobbing uncontrollably by your puter!
• you've inherited a bunch of new friends who start to call you "MOM" and you would rather talk to them than your own kids!
• you find yourself laughing uncontrollably while surfing or chatting and turn to see if anyone heard you!
• you finish that last sip of coffee and you've got to take a break from the puter to brew a fresh pot!
• you let your client sit in the reception area while you send one last message to your net friend!
• you no longer bother your husband for money to go shopping!
• you wish your puter chair came with a flushable toilet!
• you talk to...your...spouse in...broken...sentences!
• when your spouse says something funny you say "LOL"!
• you contact a contractor to install a toilet in front of your puter!
• the first thing you turn on in the morning is your puter, even before the coffee!
• you keep going back to a web page and can't find what you want!
• you wake up in the morning and go directly online without blinking!
• you suffer eye strain and not smart enough to know why!
• you simply MUST check your E-Mail after getting in from work!
• you wake up in the morning and think first if you got any interesting E-Mail before you brush your teeth!
• you loose weight because you forget to eat while you are on-line!
• your puter is you "only" friend!
• the guy you are talking to prefers asian women but you talk to him anyway!
• sleep and food come second to gettin on the net!
• you have more than 10 E-Mail addresses!
• you have 6 or more pages of bookmarks!
• your web surfing causes you to forget to eat!
• your spouse says "I now know every detail of the back of your head!
• you have a hospital urinal right next to the puter desk!

ALSO...

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A NETAHOLIC IF...

• you tell the paramedic to wait 'til you check your E-Mail!
• you set in front of the monitor, mouse in hand, during a power outage!
• you have to buy more memory for your "favorite" places!
• the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night is check your E-Mail "just one more time"!
• you are thinking of who you might meet on-line!
• your children are listening to you better when you talk to them as someone else on line!
• you are getting along better with your children when you chat with them on-line instead of in person!
• you put dinner in the oven and the next thing you hear is the firemen breaking in the door!
• you break up with someone you've never met and cry uncontrollably for weeks!
• you dream in "chat"!
• your mother has reported you missing to the local precinct because she has been unable to reach you for a month!
• you tell your friends you have been away because you don't want to admit you haven't left the house for 6 months!
• you say you are just calling to chat and say... BRB ...instead of hold on a sec!
• you walk in the door from work, check the "mail", not the real mail (even though you walk right by the mailbox) but the E-Mail!
• you take your keyboard to the bathroom!
• z!
• you can't stay away from the puter for more than 2 hours, and off the net for 20 minutes!
• your spouse left you but you fail to notice until the power is turned off 30 days later! (they always paid the bill)
• you start feeling that your puter is like a child left "HOME ALONE" every time you leave the house!
• your kids run to maom and say "Dad's laughing at his puter again"!
• you're dying to go to work on Monday just because you get free unlimited access to the internet from your office!
• you have more than one 5-subject notebook filled with URL's, info on people you've met on-line, and HTML codes with post-its stuck to the pages!
• you design an entire website devoted to your chatroom friends!
• you use your hands to form and arrow and talk about yourself in 3'rd person!
• you have two phone lines and two internet accounts and actually talk to your live-in significant other on-line!
• you send E-Mail to your live-in significant other!
• you take your puter out to dinner and leave the spouse at home!
• you snail mail stuff back and forth between friends and the mailman looks at you funny, trying to figure out why "Godiva" is mailing stuff to "DragonWhelp"!
• people ask you for your number and you give them your UIN #!
• you know more than 20 ways to make smileys out of ASCI text!
• you'''ve read so many "You know you're an addict if..." that you can't think of anything new so you just rumble on about the ones you heard before and really liked!
• you spend more time on your PC than anything else!
• you have 2 phone lines, and a caller ID box that sits on the monitor for the other so you can decide if the calls coming in are important enough to interrupt your "net surfin'!
• you find yourself telling your work mates all about what your net friend told you!
• when you say at 5AM ... I'll just open "1" more E-Mail and are still there an hour later!
• your stomach is growling because you refuse to go eat something because you want to check out that next link first!
• when you go out with your friends and all you think about is going home and getting on the puter! you mom has to E-Mail you to get you to come to dinner!
• you can't get off the net and you know you have to go to work in 5 hrs ..... 4 hrs ..... 3 hrs..... 2 hrs ... !
• you become a community leader just to have MORE sites to surf!

BUT THEN AGAIN...

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A NETAHOLIC IF...

• the mailman pounds on your door and demands that you stop writing "http://, www." before the address on all your outgoing mail!
• you're in the middle of a romantic moment and run to check your messages on the 'puter!
• you think it is only 10AM and you look at the clock and it is 4PM!
• you leave your office for lunch and run home home to check your PC!
• netaholic .... what's that? hehehe!
• you know all the E-Mail addresses for your online buddies by heart, and can't remember your mother's phone number!
• your friends know your ICQ # better than your phone number!
• your spouse asks for sex and you give him/her an error message!
• you can't sleep at night unless your PC is on the chair next to your bed and it is turned on!
• your shopping list starts with; 1)new keyboard!
• instead of another phone line line you purchase a cellular phone for regular use because your second phone line is now tied into your second 'puter!
• you turn on the 'puter when you get out of bed in the morning, when you get home in the evening, and when you can't sleep at 3AM!
• you are still on the 'puter at 2AM and you have to be at work at 5AM!
• you eat 3 square meals in front of your 'puter!
• your PC is surrounded with a weeks worth of soda cans!
• you put a "headset telephone" beside your 'puter so you can talk while you type!
• you dream of ways to fix your web page, wake up out of a sound sleep and run to try it out!
• you have to hold yourself back from spending hours on-line just so you can get some work done ... and resent it!
• sleep and food are no longer important!
• you're on holiday ad twice a day you go to the internet cafe just to make sure the internet still exists!
• you kiss you boy/girlfriends homepage!
• you want to name your first born "Lycos"!
• you dream in HTML!
• all your friends have @ in their names!
• you refer to going to the bathroom as "downloading"!
• you name your dog "Browser"!
• you get a tatoo that reads "this body best viewed with Netscape 2.01 or higher"!
• you can't call your mother because she doesn't have a modem!
• you log off and you feel as though you just pulled the plug on a loved one!
• you wake up with a keyboard imprint on you forehead!
• you ask the plumber how much to replace the 'puter chair with a toilet!
• you eyeglasses have website burned into them!
• you step out of your room and find your family has moved and you have no idea what happened!
• your spouse says "the PUTER cannot come to bed"!
• your book marks take more than 15 minutes to scroll!
• you wake at 3AM to go to the bathroom and stop to check your E-Mail!
• your mouse and your hand have become one!
• you put smileys in written letters!
• you keep deleting work applications so you have more room on the hard drive for web and chat programs!
• you don't have a puter but you have WebTV and leave it on night and day!
• your dog has to go outside so bad her eyes are yellow and you say "hold on, just let me make sure this page loads"!

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Netheadz