Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated. It satisfies
the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time
rewarding and maddening--it is without a doubt the
greatest game mankind has ever invented.
-Arnold Palmer

I really suck at this game.
-Wally

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the golf course as Wally began his pre-shot routine.
He was visualizing the upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker:
"Would the gentleman on the ladies tee please back up to the men's tee."
Deep in his routine and seemingly oblivious to the interruption, Wally continued lining up his shot.
Again the voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker:
"Would the gentleman on the ladies tee please back up to the men's tee!"
Having had enough of the distractions, Wally shouted:
"Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up while I take my second shot!"




Click the image above for more of Mr. Luckypants





Golf sounds
from
Caddyshack

Be the ball
It's in the hole
Oh golly, I'm hot today
Oh, he got all of that one
The Dali Lama...big hitter...
A well struck golf shot (Tin Cup)
Thousand bucks you miss that putt...
You're playing golf and you're gonna like it
If I kill all the golfers they're gonna lock me up...
Cinderella story...outta nowhere...A former greenskeeper...
Come on, while we're young. I bet you slice it into the woods...

So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I
get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper,
you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock,
and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself.
Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald...
striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver.
He hauls off and whacks one---big hitter, the Lama---long, into
a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier.
Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga.
So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say,
"Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort,
you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but
when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total
consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
~ Karl Spangler, Caddie


You know you're a bad golfer if......
*You consider a good round one in which you lost only half-a-dozen balls.
*More than once, you have attempted to return a club because "somehow it snapped."
*You have old, gnarly golf balls in your bag specifically to be used for over water shots.
*You refer to your driver as the "Big Dog" but hit it like a little puppy.
*When playing in a club tournament, you get a stroke on EVERY hole.
*You are told "you’re still away" more than twice on the same green.
*Your ball retriever is the most often used piece of equipment in your bag.
*Your playing partners use the term "nice lag" to describe your putts that never reach the hole.
*You buy cheap golf balls because you know you will end up losing most of them.
*You leave the flag in on an eight-foot chip shot from the fringe in hopes of having it stop your ball.
*You have more than three logo balls in your bag and none of them match.
*You have thought to yourself that if you hole out from 140 yards, you can still make bogey.



Links

*Michigan Golf
* 'The Duffers' comic strip
* Golf Bytes- 1727 golf links
* Indiana golf guide
* St. Duffer, Patron Saint of golf
* Jokes from the Golfmaniac
* Golf Jokes from the Duffer
* Bad Golf Monthly