The Happy years

When we loved each other!

1. Different religious background.
2. Different social, ethnic, or educational background.
3. Toxic in-laws.
4. Toxic stepchildren.
5. Putting children before spouse.
6. Significant age difference.
7. Different Libido's

1. Commitment to personal growth.
2. Emotional openness.
3. Ability to LISTEN.
3. Integrity.
4. Maturity and responsibility.
5. Fairness, Kindness and Compassion.
6. Ability to SHARE.
7. Ability to Change.
8. Ability to Forgive.

I've listed this quality first because I feel it's one of the most important traits to seek in a partner. If you find someone who's committed to his or her personal growth, you'll have already avoided many of the problems couples face: One person wants to work on the relationship and the other doesn't; one partner tries to talk about the issues and the other refuses; one person sees areas that need improvement and the other is in denial.

Commitment to personal growth means:

Your partner is committed to learning everything he/she can about how to be a better person and a better spouse. When you love someone who places a high value on personal transformation, your relationship is guaranteed to be much easier. Whether it's a small fight or a big crises, your partner should be willing to use everything in your relationship to learn more about becoming more loving and compassionate.

Only when he/she's committed to learning will your relationship truly become an adventure in personal growth, rather than a power struggle between two people, each trying to be right and make the other wrong.

Ask yourself the following four questions about your prospective or present partner:

1. Would I want to have a child with this person?
2. Would I want to have a child JUST LIKE this person?
3. Do I want to become more like this person?
4. Would I be willing to spend my life with this person
if he/she never changed from the way he/she is now?

When we make a genuine commitment, it can only be a commitment to fully loving our partner in each moment, and for so long as the relationship allows us to also love and respect ourselves, rather than a commitment to the amount of time our love will last.

A marriage is a partnership, a union, not a battle-ground. The moment you stop treating one another with love and respect, your marriage ceases to exist. Once you start living with anger and distrust of your partner, he/she is no longer your husband/wife.

You may be living together, but you are not married. You may wait years to finally end the relationship, but you were emotionally divorced when you closed your hearts to each other.

Our marriage "ceased" to exist in August 1997
when we stopped treating one another with love and respect,
and we seperated in February 1999.

The paradox of hurting those we love

It is a paradox of love that we often hurt the most the ones we love the most.
We sometimes even place higher standards upon them than we do upon ourselves.

Criticism is a complex, subtle art not to be taken or given lightly.
It can be constructive,
but it can also tear down.
the next time we are tempted to say: "The trouble with you is...."
we may want to reconsider and ask ourselves why we are doing it!
Is there truly a positive reason for making this comment
or might it be better to remain silent?

What will we have profited if we make our point,
but diminish a human being or lose a lover?

Links to other sites on the Web

Ethne

Peter

Leave Judgement to God!

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