Song Playing: "The Wall-Is anybody out there"

Remembering

I returned from Vietnam 31 years ago and I have never visited the Vietnam Memorial Wall. I’ve been to Washington on business several times and have made it to the entrance to the park twice, but never went any further. The travelling wall comes to my town every April, and sets up in the park two miles from my house, but again I have never made it all the way inside. Each year I encourage people to go and pay their respects to the brave young Americans who gave their all for this country, but yet I, a Vietnam Veteran, have never been. I write poetry about the Vietnam War and bear my soul on paper, but have been unable to ‘walk that last mile” and pay tribute to my comrades and my relatives. I have nine cousins, who’s names are on that wall. Three of the nine listed are my first cousins and the rest are distant cousins. One of my first cousins was awarded the Medal of Honor. I know several others, friends, comrades who are listed also. Finally, after years of soul searching and anguish, I went to the park last night and visited the travelling wall. It was quiet a visit; as I got to the entrance to the park, a storm started. Dark clouds, lightning, thunder and strong winds and then a cold rain. I started to turn away and go back home but suddenly I begin to hear voices calling me back. All at once I was no longer afraid, no longer ashamed to cry, no longer afraid to show my emotions. I walked up to the wall, what section I don’t know, and fell to my knees and asked for forgiveness. I am from the old school, the one that feels men, warriors, don’t cry or show emotions so it was lucky that the weather was so bad and no one saw me bearing my soul. I started hearing voices whispering to me and all of a sudden I started talking back to the voices. Its funny but as soon as I started talking to the voices, the weather cleared up and the storm passed. I stayed at the wall for about two hours last night. I didn’t try to look up any names, just stayed and visited with old memories and released a lot of pain within my soul. I plan on returning tonight and this weekend to properly pay my respects to my comrades and my cousins. I learned a lot about myself last night and know what I need to do to help the healing process in the future. The below poem are my feelings about my first visit to the wall. Thanks to the Great Spirit for finally giving me the courage to visit old friends.

Jerre Divelbiss
MSgt, Retired

FIRST VISIT

Clouds, grey, bleak, matching his mood
A solitary man, past warrior, walking up to the Wall
Raindrops fall, hiding his tears
Tears he wishes no one else to see
He hears voices in the still and answers
Yes brothers, I’m answering your call

Storm becomes wild, matching his sorrow
As the thunder claps, he hears screams
He silently prays, hoping this is not another of his dreams
Lightning flashes and he sees shadowy reflections
Reflections of comrades, relatives, friends,
it was long ago

The wind rushes past, whipping at his spirit
Falling to his knees, his emotions take control
In an anguished voice he cries out to them
Forgive me brothers, for I have sinned
I should have visited before, again and again

He whispers, I’m sorry I let you down
I’m here now, beside you, where I belong
My names should be written, with yours in stone
You…you don’t want me to join you on the Wall?
Just want me to stay, talk and visit in this squall

The storm diminishes, his strength returns
He gently touches the cool dark wall
The visitor sees himself so clearly now, what he was
What he will become, what he’ll be tomorrow
A single man alone, visiting, saying hello to friends

And as the last lightning bolt lights up the sky
I see a reflection in the black stone, the visitor..
The solitary man…..alone with his comrades
It was me!

THE HEALING

I visited my comrades, my cousins, I visited them all
It took me long enough to enter this far
My fingers felt their names etched in stone
Now I am no longer cold and alone

I said my hellos, I screamed and I cried
But I refused to say goodbye
For they always will be with me
In my heart and my mind
I’ll never, never let them go
They were all brothers of mine

They earned my respect
They answered the call
They gave best, they gave their all
Now they are the essence of the Wall

So I made peace within my soul...
I think I stood tall
When I finally visited my comrades
One and all at the Wall

Jerre D. Divelbiss
MSGt, Retired

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