Things Dogs Must Try To Remember....

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he is on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not eat the cats' food, either before or after they eat it.

When I go to the beach, I will not roll on dead fish or seagulls.

I will not eat anymore socks.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither is Mom's lap.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

I will not throw up in the car.

And finally, I will remember that kitty box crunchies are not food.

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