Mom

MOM

My Mother died on February 28th, 1999 of cancer. She also had Alzheimer's disease.
This page is dedicated to her memory. I've shared some of my thoughts and feelings here and
welcome any contributions my family would like to make.

The following is a piece I wrote for my Mom. This and the poem after it, were read by my daughter Sarah, on my behalf,
at my Mother's funeral. Many people knew the good things my Mother did over her lifetime, but some didn't.
I wanted them to know the kind of person she was.

There is a saying that goes:
"None of us can do anything great on our own, but we can all do a small thing with great love."
And so it was with my Mother. She never really did a lot of things within a group or with a title attached.
She couldn't even drive a car and I was grown and married before she learned to write a cheque or
handle a bank account, but one thing my Mom always had was great compassion and love for people.

I remember when a neighbour would become ill my Mother was always there. She would offer herself
to not only look after the person who was sick, but to take care of the family as well. I can't tell
you how many times that happened when we were very young. I remember her ripping up old sheets for
bandages or to make poltices or mustard plasters and her disappearing for a few hours to a neighbour's house.

One time a new neighbour moved in and not too long after that she had a baby. She was an older woman and
had some problems after the birth. Mom took the baby in and cared for her until our neighbour was back home
and back on her feet. She was happy to do it and we all benefited from the experience.

There were times too, when she would go to the hospital and be with friends and family who were very sick
and beyond hope. She would sit with them for hours and she was often there for them at the end.
Though it was hard for her, she somehow knew it was the right thing to do and she was thankful that she
was able to do it. I'm sure she brought them great comfort.

My Mother was not always happy in the last years of her life. We were all often puzzled by her behaviour.
I suppose it was the Alzheimer's Disease that affected her without any of us knowing it existed.
Whatever the reason, I will always remember my Mother as she was, warm and loving and always ready
to give herself to whatever needed to be done, whether it be a social function at the fire hall
or as caregiver to us when we were sick.

Thanks Mom, and may you find the peace you so richly deserve.

Mom
~~~~~~

When I was just a wee thing
I sat upon her knee
She told me many stories
That were her *history*
She taught me how to nurture
She taught me what was good
She taught me how to tie my shoes
And never to be rude
She satisfied my hunger
She kissed away the tears
She bandaged up my cuts and scrapes
And whispered in my ears
She told me that she loved me
And that she would be there
And even though she's left me now
I know how much she cared
I know my life will carry on
But she will still take part
Because you know I carry her
Deep within my heart

Full Circle
***************

I spend time alone with my mother in these last days.
There is no right or wrong, only time spent together,
bonding again as we did in the beginning.
First me to her, now her to me.
We've come full circle.

I study her face, intently
trying to imprint it's lines and contours on my brain,
where I can recall it at will.
But it's detailed landscape is too complex
and ever changing.

I watch her, awake and asleep,
searching her countenance for signs of stress,
that I might calm her and wipe the frown from her brow
with gentle, caring hands as she did for me when I was yet a child.

Our roles reversed now,
she lies in childlike repose,
trusting me to protect her from hurt and discomfort
and I play the role of gentle protector, willingly and gratefully
as she drifts into eternal sleep.

~~*~~

Written by Dorothy
Copyright © in Canada 1998
~~*~~

I wrote this next piece just before Christmas 1998.

Christmas Memories of Mom
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lying in the semi-darkness,
Listening to the beat of my heart
Echo in my head.

My thoughts are empty,
Fatigue makes it hard to think
And then suddenly she's there.

Thoughts of Christmas past and Mom
Scurrying around in a fresh apron
and housedress.

Slacks didn't come till later years,
Long after big picture hats
And long white gloves for Sunday outings.

I remember her bright red lipstick
And Evening in Paris perfume.
The spiked heels I tried so desperately to balance on...
and failed.

Her sparkling jewels as we went through
Her box of treasures searching out
Something for her to wear on her
*date* with Dad.

How was I to know they weren't
worth a King's ransom,
Merely bits of glass and jewel.
My eyes would sparkle like diamonds,
When she offered to let me model them
so she could choose.
I felt so elegant and special.

Setting out the Christmas cookies
On fancy platters,
All so carefully prepared, weeks in advance.
She'd let me help and we'd chat
and create such pretty shapes
and colours and sample our day's work
with a smile of satisfaction.

These are the things I remember best Mom,
And always will,

Long after you forget.

Wednesday, June 23, 1999
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Front, left to right: Kenny E., Dorothy & Kenny, Helen E., Scott E.(crouching), Andrew S.
Back, left to right: Bob, Tara E., Dad(Ken), Aimee S., Alan S.

This was the tree dedication ceremony in Mom's name, in Fort Erie . The tree is a Mountain Ash, Mom's favourite. We were all very touched by this gesture. The Friends Of Fort Erie's Creeks (which Mom, Dad and various other family members belong to), planted a tree along the Queen Elizabeth Way, at a spot beside Petit Road where Frenchman's Creek runs alongside. At least it does when there's water in it. They had a bit of a dry season, so the creek which was shallow to begin with in that area, was nearly non-existant, except for the very large puddle you see behind my little Kenny.
It was a lovely little ceremony. The club Chaplain performed it saying a few words about Mom. She was a real nature lover and it was nice to see the birds flying around as the Chaplain spoke. I even spotted a Great Blue Heron. They aren't unheard of in our area, but you don't see them every day, so it was quite nice. I think Mom would have been very pleased.

July 2000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here we are in July 2000 already. I'm about to become a Gramma in August and I can't wait. I find myself thinking about my Mom a great deal lately. She would have loved being a Great Gramma. She was baby crazy just like me, and loved all her grandkids a great deal.
It seems such a long time since my Mom left us, and yet sometimes it seems like it just happened, because the pain of that loss can return with such a sharpness, that it surprises me. I don't think one ever gets over losing such an essential part of your family. How could you? It's like losing an arm and not quite feeling like a whole person again. There is no substitute or replacement or prosthesis to make that missing part of you feel whole again.
If your family is close, as mine is, it's like losing part of you that can never be replaced ....ever. The pain gets easier to live with, but it's always there, ready to ambush you when you least expect it.
This summer my sister, my Dad and I went through the family home and packed a lot of things in boxes for a yard sale. Dad doesn't need or can't use a lot of the stuff left in the house, so he thought it was time to do something about it. We all agreed that it needed to be done, but I'm afraid it was me that procrastinated until the last minute. Frankly, I was afraid of the feelings it might bring back, and I was afraid that I would have a hard time parting with Mom's things. I realized as we were going through and sorting things we would keep or pack in the boxes for the sale that, after all, they are only things. Giving them away will not make me lose my memories,
or that little part of me that is my Mom.

June 2001
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At the end of May and first of June of this year (2001), my father took my sister Helen, brother Alan and myself on a little trip across the big pond to England and Scotland. One of the places he most wanted to take us was Scampton Air Base in England where he served with the RCAF (Royal Canadian Air Force) with 49 Squadron under the RAF (Royal Air Force). Mom was a Scottish lass in the WAAF (Women's Auxilliary Air Force) of the RAF (Royal Air Force), and based at the same base as a spark plug tester for the Lancaster airplanes that flew out of the base. I guess she must have thrown a few sparks Dad's way because she ended up marrying my Dad and coming to Canada as a War Bride, after my sister, Helen was born.

Before the trip my Dad had written a letter to Scampton Air Base and we had been invited to tour it while there. We got to Scampton a little early for our tour and while waiting took a little drive around. Dad was not aware there was a little village/town named Scampton that had been there all during the time he was stationed there, so my brother wanted to prove it. We happened upon a little tavern down the road from the air base called the Dambuster's Inn. After searching the walls for any sign of my Mother (who was on the base at the time also acting as an entertainment co-ordinator) and finally giving up hope of finding her, I suddenly noticed a picture on a back wall and immediately recognized my mother (indicated with arrow in photo), before I even got close enough to see details. There she was with an officer on each arm and that big familiar smile of hers lighting up her face. We shared a few laughs and a few tears and a few beers before going on our tour. We later stood in the area my Mom had worked in the hangar testing and cleaning spark plugs. The day was full of nostalgia for my Dad and made us all feel closer to my Mom. We felt like she was there with us for the rest of the trip.

January 11, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today would have been my Mother's 87th birthday. I can't believe she's been gone for 8 years next month. It doesn't seem that long and yet sometimes it seems much longer.
I became a Gramma again in November 2006. Alexandria, who is 6 years old now became a big sister to little Joshua. I have been taking care of him while Alex is at school and his Mom and Dad are at work. When I pick him up and give him kisses and cuddles all I can think of is my Mom. She loved children just as much as I do and she would have loved little Joshua. I have so many memories of her "loving up" all the babies she came in contact with. She was a nurturer and it didn't matter if the babies were related or not, she gave them all the same cuddling and care and love.
I find myself thinking about my Mother a lot more as I get older. I see her everyday in the mirror staring back at me through my own eyes. I look more like her every year. That wasn't always something I liked to hear growing up, but I like the thought now. It makes me feel like she's close by, watching over me.

April 26, 2009
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today I said goodbye to my grandchildren and my daughter. They packed up their house and moved to Toronto. I couldn’t help thinking of my Mother and how she must have felt every time we came home for a visit and then loaded up the car and left again. I know it must have been hard every time she had to say goodbye.
I still think of my Mother often and feel I have a different kind of understanding of who she was as a person, as a Mother and as a Grand Mother. I wish sometimes I had gained that knowledge early in life, but something tells me she understood that life is a process of growing and learning that never really ends. We all need to keep our childlike curiosity. Even when we think we’ve become older and wiser there’s still a lot we don’t know.
I still feel my Mom around me. Sometimes I’ll be sitting in the house alone and the stairs behind the loveseat where I always sit will make a creaking sound, for no reason. It used to startle me but now I just say out loud, “Hi Mom!” I know it’s her way of letting me know she’s still around and watching over me and that brings me great comfort.

If anyone has stories to share about my Mom or about someone they've lost I'm just an e-mail away, and I'm a pretty good listener. *HUGS*

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