J.R. BIAS, TAKEN ABOUT 1996 or so

This is Mom taken July 2006 holding her best buddy, our dog BABYDOLL. Mom is 76 and still doing OK.

This is our family when we lived at Theodosia, MO.

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HERE'S DAD FAMILY TREEMAKE FILE FROM MY OTHER COMPUTER. IT HAS MORE INFO THAN THIS PAGE AS TO GENEALOGY.

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NOTE...WARNING: This page includes information about our family and Dad's death that some of you may not want to read. It is explicit in the events surrounding his death from heart bypass surgery. I just wanted you to be aware before starting to read it.

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My dad was born August 10, 1927, at home with a midwife in Grandpa's old homeplace at Dugginsville, Ozark County, Missouri. It was only 1/2 mile from Bull Shoals Lake and the Marion Co., AR state line.

He was the youngest son of John Alogan Bias, Sr. and Amie Malinda FRIEND. See MY GRANDFATHER, JOHN ALOGAN BIAS, SR. page for information about his siblings.

Dad was a little mischevious (as both he and my aunt (Mary Lethian "Mildred") tells me. Being the youngest child, he was also a little spoiled...:-)...Aunt Mildred and Dad told stories at our last Christmas together at her house and I was fortunate enough to get it all on a video tape. I will cherish that tape ALWAYS! Aunt Mildred is the only living sibling now.

One story they told me was about Aunt Mildred getting up on a wagon hitched up to horses when they were little and the horses taking off with her. Dad was about to get up there with her, but couldn't reach the wagon. Aunt Mildred was thrown off and broke her arm.

Another familiar one was when they went to the spring below the old homeplace. Aunt Midred made him mad and he threw rocks at her.

Apparently they were together more than the other children and were very close. When playing town ball at the old one-room schoolhouse at Dugginsville, MO, he thought he had gotten her "out" and she refused to believe it. Dad called her an "SOB". The teacher, Ida HART, told him if he ever said that again, she would tan his hide. He always laughed out loud when he told that story. When Ida was in a nursing home just before she died, he went to see her. She STILL remembered him as "that little SOB" at age 90-plus. He loved to tell that, too.

He married Thelma Lorene HAMPTON, daughter of Oscar Monroe and Callie Jane (ADAMS) HAMPTON September 2, 1949, at Mountain Home, AR. They moved to Dugginsville in a house built from a torn-down house, barn or church. We lived there off and on until I was in about the third grade at Lutie School in the town now known as Theodosia, MO. The name was changed from "LUTIE" while I was still in grade school by a man who came in to develop the area. Theodosia is an indian name supposedly about indian tribes that had lived in the area many years ago.

We moved to Springfield, MO, where I went to first grade at York Elementary School. Dad worked at an ice plant there for about 10 months. Mom said that was the longest he had worked anywhere since she had known him. When he quit that job, we moved back to our house and I went to the same one-room school at Dugginsville that Dad did. Mr. CLEMENTS was my first grade teacher there.

Not too much later, Mom or Dad saw an ad for correspondence courses. One was for television repair. With Mom's help, Dad passed the course and opened a television repair shop at Theodosia. That was what he did for the rest of his life.

Dad played the guitar ever since I can remember. Music was a BIG part of our lives. I started to sing with him playing backup when I was pretty small. Dad often said, "You can't sing that song. It's too high for your voice."...but I always managed to sing it (to prove him wrong, I think...:-).

We would go to "music parties" and sang at Marshall, AR on the square and went to the lake and sang for the tourists......everywhere we could find a place they would let us sing. These are some of my fondest memories.....but later became not-so-fond as I will explain later.

Dad was proud of our performances and we would sit for hours and practice. I never felt closer to Dad than when we were doing this. Even in the last video I mentioned earlier, we were singing with him playing the guitar. I had recorded the song "Daddy's Hands" a short time before he died and my sister requested that it was played at his funeral because it was the last song that we ever sang together so I gave the preacher that recording with me singing it. I'll always be glad I did that.

Mom and Dad didn't get along very well....that's probably an understatement....and eventually the "music parties" resulted in his getting involved with another woman. Imogene (Ward) McGinnis decided she wanted Dad. She divorced her husband, Glen Dale McGinnis, and she and Dad left in 1969 when my youngest sister was only 6 weeks old. She had two daughters by Glen Dale. They moved to Lamar, MO and opened a cafe. We didn't know where they were, so I tracked down Imogene's sister and she finally told me. I went to see him to find out "why".

Life was never the same again.

Dad eventually opened a TV repair shop in Liberal, MO where he retired a few years ago.

Dad and Imogene were not married until August 7, 1984 in Reno, Nevada.

Dad had diabetes and athlerisclorosis (sp??)..hardening of the arteries of the heart...which eventually killed him.

He died October 21, 1997 at St. John's Hospital in Joplin, MO.

We got the call one morning that he had a heart attack and was in Pittsburg, KS hospital. My sister, Katherine, and I went right on up there. I remember the happy look on his face when we walked in....as if he thought we wouldn't come or something....and we talked a good long while.

I was alone with him at one point and got a chance to ask him if he had made peace with God. Unfortunately, he said he had not. I told him there was NOTHING God would not forgive if we asked Him sincerely. He just nodded and did not speak.

Later that day, he had another heart attack and was flown by helicopter to Joplin, MO hospital where they took him right on into surgery to try to repair his heart. He was to have a quadruple bypass. His regular doctor (of course) was not available so another one did the surgery. The last words he said were to the doctor: "Doc, I don't mind telling you...I'm scared." Then he waved goodbye and they took him into surgery. He was looking back at us as long as he could see us as if he knew it would be the last time he saw us.

When the doctor came in after surgery, he told us he had only done a double bypass. We thought he had not been as bad as they had thought. However, the doctor told us it was because the other arteries were not there....they had wasted away.

We stayed at the hospital and slept on the floor for 2 days waiting and hoping he would come out of the anesthesia and we could talk to him.

When he was coming out of the anesthesia, he started to pull REALLY HARD on the restraints they had him in. He had a breathing tube in and the nurse said they often do that trying to pull the tube out. They had to give him a shot to paralyze him to keep him from doing that. That is SUCH a vivid and horrible memory of him trying to get free then realizing he could not move after the shot was given...:-(

Before too long, they called a Code Blue for him but were able to revive him. We knew he was even sicker than we thought.

The next day, they called another....final one.

He was revived a second time, but the doctor called us in to tell us that there was no hope....he was just too sick. He said it was best if the life supports were removed.

I had to accept that Dad was not going to live.

My husband and I went to the chapel. I could not pray. I could only ask that God do what He knew was best and that if Dad would only be with us a short while and in pain that perhaps we should accept that it was best if he go on Home to be with the Lord. Leaving it in God's hands was my way of accepting the inevitable, I guess.

You see....Dad was afraid of dying and I knew he had been scared the whole time. I will always remember hearing him say just before they took him to surgery, "Doc, I don't care to tell you.....I'm scared". I didn't want him to have to go thru that again if he only had a short time to live.

We went back upstairs where the family was and the decision was made to remove the life supports.

For some reason, I wanted to be there when they removed them. I just had to know that when they were removed he would not take another breath. It HURT badly, but it was my way of accepting and dealing with it. It's a vivid memory that I will NEVER forget. They removed the tubes then left. I watched for him to breathe hoping God had decided it was not Dad's time to go.....but it did not happen. Dad was dead.

When they turned him over to remove some of the things from him, I saw blood on the sheet. I believe when he was pulling so hard on the restraints, he tore the surgery stitches loose and that's what ultimately killed him.

I cried and talked to him hoping that he could still hear me somehow and I apologized for a lot of things I had not said to him when he was alive as if it would make a difference then.

I looked at his face and that wavy hair that I knew I would never see again and remembered a lot of things I was sorry for....one being that I didn't go to the family reunions as much as I should have or visited or called like I should have.....lots of things......

I had not told him I loved him before he went to surgery....I just kissed him and said "I'll see you after awhile.". I didn't think he would die.....not yet.

His funeral was October 25, 1997 and he was buried at the front of the cemetery at Lutie Cemetery, Theodosia, MO.

We (Mom and I) decided we wanted to be buried next to him so we placed our grave markers beside him and at his feet.

This angered Imogene so a few months later, she had his body moved to the other side of the moseleum (sp??) and placed her marker next to Mom and me. She actually went to that expense and disturbed Dad's eternal sleep for something so childish.

We will still be buried close to him. She will just be between us as she has been since the 1960's.....it symbolizes this in our minds.

This has caused quite a bit of "rumors" around Theodosia, of course. People are laughing at Imogene and perhaps shaking their heads at all the goings on that started years ago and will not end....even in death.

I somehow think Dad is smiling....or laughing one of his gut-wrenching laughs....at all of this. He LOVED a good laugh.

Imogene even put up a SECOND set of tombstones to make sure it was noted that she ws his wife at the time of his death. At least the monument company is getting part of Dad's money...:-)

Luckily, Dad had made arrangements for a small inheiritance before his death and had given us kids a few heirlooms because she would not give us anything that had belonged to our family before Dad except a couple of pictures, a couple of guns and a few other useless things. The other things are lost forever I'm sure.

I hadn't planned to get this involved in Dad's story, but for future generations this should be an interesting story. I know I would love to find something like this in my research.....even if it IS "skeletons in the closet".

Maybe one day these things will seem insignificant, but the pain is too fresh right now to be able to accept them.

I wrote this poem just after Dad died.

When I was born, Daddy was there
For many years I followed him around
But Daddy won't be there anymore

When he went somewhere, I wanted to go, too
And do the things he had to do
But Daddy won't be there anymore

As I grew up I wanted to see
How very much that he loved me
But Daddy won't be there anymore

I didn't take time to see the man
Or hug him tight or take his hand
And now, Daddy won't be there anymore

He loved me more than he ever said
I know that now..now that he's dead
And Daddy won't be there anymore

I let old hurts get in the way
Of all the things I needed to say
And now it's too late...I never can
Tell him I love him to touch his hand
Because Daddy won't be there anymore

So learn from me and find a way
To say the things you need to say
Tell them you love them and how much they mean
While their smile can still be seen

Just showing them is not enough
The words can sometimes be sort of tough
But you'll be glad you did when it comes to you
As it surely will....before you expect it to

And YOUR Daddy won't be there anymore.

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