On Sunday, July 2, we awoke to a nice sunny day and I immediately felt really sick. Oh geez, not again. Instead of getting better, I seemed to be getting worse! I was feeling more nervous and jittery about this jump than any of the others. We were suppose to be going up to my in-laws lakeside cottage for a few days for a big family 4th of July celebration. I contemplated just blowing off skydiving so this awful feeling would go away. The thought of just relaxing while soaking up some sunshine while laying on the dock or zipping around the lake on the boat sounded really appealing. Hmmmm tempting.....
Let's see..... sunshine, swimming, tubing, relaxing, drinking, ...... or jumping out of a plane??????
NO CONTEST!!!
Off to the DZ we went. I was anxious the whole way there. It was driving me crazy! What the heck was wrong with me?? (Wouldn't whuffos like to know I think there is nothing wrong with jumping out of a plane but think something must be wrong with me because I'm so anxious before doing so!) Boomer thought it might be because I was letting some things a few people on the rec.skydiving newsgroup had said (about me moving onto a Level III without having pulled my ripcord during AFF) get to me. Granted, they did have me focusing more on getting that pull where before I had NO doubts I'd pull it, but I didn't think it was that. Besides, I hadn't decided on a Lev III yet. I was thinking of doing Lev II again just to get in more practices with turns so that on Lev IV I'd feel more comfortable doing them when no one was holding onto me.
We arrived at the DZ and it seemed to be off to a slow start. We got our names up on the student board. Boomer asked me if I wanted to go first or second. I said second because the other times it seemed that the longer I was there, the calmer I felt. After smelling some jet fuel, and hearing the planes and watching some jumps, I'd feel better and be anxious to get in the air myself.
Soon an instructor, Gary, came out to get us. Gary is a very experienced and well respected skydiver and happens to be who I had for a TM on my tandem here back in October. I had a lot of faith in him. When he asked me what level jump I was doing I told him I was thinking of doing II again. He asked why and I explained about more practice turning and he said that on a level III I would be using those skills while keeping myself from turning. I mentioned the fact that I hadn't pulled yet during AFF and asked him if that concerned him. He asked me if I was going to pull. I said, "Yes!" And he said, "No, I'm not concerned." I then mentioned that I wasn't sure how much I was "seeing" on these dives. I had missed a few signals and I don't really remember seeing the ground etc. He said that was why a level III would be nice. It's a quiet dive if all goes well and would give me a chance to focus on everything else and not manuevers I had to do. He told me to think about it and that he'd be back soon to go over the pre-jump training with us.
Boomer really thought I should go for Level III and had been telling me that all week. He said I had been all set to do it before I let some people I didn't even know get me second guessing myself. When Gary came back I was still unsure what to do. I decided to tell him about some of the things some people had said. He talked to me for a while about all my concerns and gave me his thoughts on all of them. He answered all my questions and concerns and gave me his opinions. Everything he said made a lot of sense to me and I knew he had a lot of confidence in my ability to do a level III. I decided to go for it. He also told me if I was still concerned about going onto Level IV afterwards I could still do another jump before then, maybe another Lev III again, if that would make me feel better.
He had us take turns on the pillow table (not sure of the technical name) and go through the dive. Then he spent time going over malfunctions and emergency procedures and got a little more involved on some than we had during the FJC. One of the things he happened to mention was that occasionally a brake may become unstowed during deployment so if your canopy is turning right after opening to reach up and grab the toggles and pull them all the way down and then check the canopy. If it was still turning then you would have to decide if it was steerable or not and make a decision about whether to land it before the hard deck.
Boomer went off to go get all his gear on and soon was on his way. His other JM, Derek, was someone neither of us had had before but we had seen him often at the DZ. He was hard to miss because of his amazing landings. As a JM though, we were both (I ended up having these same JMs for my jump)quite impressed with his attention to detail and safety. He was very thorough. Shortly after they took off in the plane I hitched a ride with the radio guy, Dan, out to the landing bowl. I watched him help a static line student land while trying to guess what instructions he might give next.
Soon after, we saw Boomer's chute in the air. Even though I hadn't been too nervous about him jumping, it was still a nice relieving feeling to see him open under a good canopy. He did a great job coming down and had a beautiful stand up landing. He was real happy and thought the dive had gone well and that was soon confirmed during his debrief and he was cleared to level IV. He was psyched! Since he had been a little unstable and rocking on his other dives he was sure they weren't going to let go of him but he did fine. He did tell me later though that he almost cutaway for a second. Dan had started talking to him on the radio right away and he was still tucking his ripcord away. After he did the right turn that Dan had asked him to he noticed his canopy turning on it's own. Everything looked OK and for the first second all he thought about was Gary telling us about making a decision. Then he remembered about the brakes and realized he hadn't unstowed them first but had just done a right turn so the left brake was still stowed and that's why it was turning. He pulled both toggles all the way down and then checked the canopy and it was fine. He was so relieved and very happy he hadn't acted too quickly and that Gary had just gone over that material because he would have felt so silly cutting away a perfectly good canopy!
OK. My turn. Instead of feeling better by now like I had expected, I felt worse. I still felt really sick to my stomach and kind of weak and a bit lightheaded. Today, a few days later, I'm feeling the same way so now I'm thinking I may actually have had been a bit sick and that it wasn't all from anxiety.
It was getting late and the DZ was really busy. There were quite a few tandems, plus some other AFF students and some S/L students. I wasn't up on the load board yet and I was feeling bad for my kids who were at home waiting for us to come pick them up so they could get to NH to play with their cousins. Add that to the fact I still felt lousy and nervous, I was starting to think of just calling it quits for today. We found out that we could use the bowl on Tuesday, the 4th, so we were thinking of coming back from NH early and trying to jump then. Then manifest said they could have me up in the air in about an hour and Boomer talked me into waiting.
I still couldn't figure out what was going on with me. The other times I was nervous but still really looked forward to jumping out of that plane. This time I just didn't. But I was also afraid to NOT jump because I was worried that if I didn't do it this time then what would happen the next time? Would this fear build? Would I get some stupid phobia about jumping?
In a little while Derek came out to get me. I followed him back in trying to think how I was going to tell him at this late stage that I had changed my mind. I put on my jumpsuit and got a helmet and found a pair of goggles. As Derek is fixing my goggles because they were too loose, I start to tell him how I don't feel that great, that I'm not myself, and I don't know if I'm maybe sick or something. He just casually tells me it's just anxiety because they are letting me go. He hands me a student rig and starts to help me put it on. He thinks the leg straps might not be exactly even so he has me take it off and lines them up perfectly and mentions the difference he found to the rigger. He carefully checks out the rest of the rig and I notice the AAD is set at 1000 instead of 1500. I mention this and he says on level III they lower it. Doesn't make a difference to me. It's an FXC and from all the stuff I've heard about them I'm certainly not relying on it! (Not that I would even if it was a Cypres).
I finish getting everything on and properly adjusted. Boomer asks me why they still help me get all set and just send him to do it himself. :o) Gary comes by and asks me if I'm ready to make a skydive. I find my head nodding even though my brain is still trying to tell them I'm not going. I follow Gary out to the plane and climb aboard. I'm surprised to see a bench on one side now. Guess the owner of the plane liked it and had it put back in. Gary and I take a seat on the bench with him right next to the door because he and Derek are going to be spotting. I ask him if I should put my helmet on yet and he says to wait until right before we start taxi-ing (how the fuck do you spell that word?.. OK had to look it up... it's taxiing ... kind of like skiing I guess, just looked funny to me when I tried it)
Two tandems and their TMs climb aboard and head towards the front of the plane. The guy sits on the bench and his TM sits next to me. The woman and her TM sit on the floor. She looks up at me and I can tell she's scared and that she is looking for a small sign from me that she will be OK. I try to smile at her but I'm thinking, "Boy, are you looking at the wrong person for some confidence today!" Also on the plane is a guy I saw and talked to briefly last October when I was on my tandem. He was a S/L student then and was madly practicing his PRCPs while waiting to go up. He looked pretty nervous that day. Today he is sprawled on the floor at my feet, casually chewing gum and looking calm as a cucumber. I envy him and am dying to ask him if he is really as calm as he looks and if so, how long did it take him to get that way. He is telling the only 2 other skydivers on the plane that he is planning on doing either a head down or sitfly jump. The other two are going out together and one is giving the other one some advice on what to do. Sounded like they were planning some kind of freeflying two-way.
Derek is at the very back of the plane, wolfing down the last few bites of a sandwich. My stomach still feels very unsettled and I envy him also that he can eat while flying up to altitude. It feels a lot different during take-off and the ride up when you are sitting on the bench. You feel the turns more and I notice the height more. I think I like the floor better though now I won't have to try to get up off the floor with that huge rig on my back that is trying to keep me from rising and making me feel like such a klutz.
Gary is busy looking out the door and I tap him on the shoulder and ask him what the exit order is. He tells me the guys on the floor will go first, then us, then the tandems. He goes back to looking out the door. I tap him again and ask him if Derek knows I'm planning on waving off at 6,000. He yells over to Derek and tells him that I'm waving off at 6 grand and then looks at me and says he does now! lol He goes back to watching and I tap him again and ask who is going to be my secondary and who is going to be my primary. He looks over at Derek and says, "I'm going to be primary, OK?" Derek nods. Then Gary goes over the skydive with me a final time. It's really quite simple. Just a COA, a PRCP, a COA, an optional toe tap then just fall straight down the tube. If you can keep a good arch and not do any unintentional turns, Gary says it can be a really boring skydive. Hmmmm those two words can't possibly be next to each other in my mind yet! I can't even imagine it! I tell him this and he laughs.
Gary goes back to looking out as it's now getting closer to altitude and he needs to check for the spot. I still don't want to jump. I try looking out the door and visualizing jumping and trying to remember how much I love doing this. I try to remember the incredible happy feelings I had the other times I jumped. The actual jumping out (Or off) of the plane has always been my favorite moment. The tandems next to me start to get ready. The JM next to me keeps bumping me and I immediately make sure my handles are well protected. He is making me nervous. Oh that's right... I already AM nervous! I think of tapping him on the shoulder and telling him that I'm waving off at 6000 ft just to make sure they don't crash into us. It's only 500 ft difference. I figure they know I'm a student and will be giving me plenty of room.
Gary gives my rig a complete final check and asks me if I'm ready to skydive. I hear my mouth answering, "YES!" even though my brain is still fighting this idea. I hate this me that I am today! The door opens and I see the other 3 skydivers disappear out of it. I see Derek climb out the door and off to the left. Gary climbs out while I crunch walk towards the back of the plane and get into position. I back towards the door and feel Gary reach in and grab my leg strap and I reach up feeling for that little bar above the door. I find it and pull myself backwards and out and up. I let my left leg hang free and then look towards Derek and yell, "Check in!!" only to have the wind gobble up my words. Derek nods. I turn to the right and look at Gary and yell, "Check out!" He nods also. Out (try to just mostly use my arms so I keep my body in an arch position), In, Out and ARCH!!!!!! Yah... there's that plane again. I love seeing it as I fall away.
Horizon.... hey... I really SEE it this time! Check altimeter. Hey... it's on that number past the top one. The top is 0 which is also 12,000 so ummmm 12 + ummm 1 is.... (gee math is hard up here!) I look to my left and yell, "13,000!!" Derek gives me a thumb's up and nods. I look right and yell it again and get another thumb's up. Look, Reach, Recover. Do another COA. Ok... now what?? Ummmm NOW WHAT??? Shit!! Oh, ya... nothing. Just find a heading and fall straight down the tube. I look out and find a lake on the ground. Wow! First time I'm really checking out the ground on an AFF dive! Cool!!
I seem to be falling pretty stable. I do feel tense instead of relaxed for the first time though. And I'm still a little nervous... which I never was on the other 2 AFF dives during freefall. I don't dare look to see if I'm not being held. I can't see Derek though I can sense him off to my left and I'm pretty sure he is a ways away from me. I know Gary is close to my right. I keep checking my altimeter. So far, so good. I start to see the lake slowly drift towards my right. I start to slightly lower my right shoulder and look towards the right. I see Gary give me a thumbs down. I arch harder. He smiles and nods. I check my altimeter and it's getting close to 6000 so I just stare at it waiting for it to get there. When it does, I give a big double wave off. No hurry. I know I have plenty of time. I look, reach and PULL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YEEHAW!!!!!!!!!! I'm pumped!! I did it!! No problem!!! I hang onto that ripcord like it's one of my kids and I glance up and see my parachute start to open above me. Please open up correctly as I don't want to have to toss this ripcord! It does. Boomer asks me later if I watched the slider come down. Hmmmm... no. Something to put on my list to look for next time. Canopy looks good. I'm flying straight so I take the time to carefully unzip the top of my jumpsuit and stash the ripcord in there and rezip it.
As I'm reaching up to grab my toggles I hear my radio crackle to life. I pull them all the way down and hear Dan tell me that he just saw me flare and that everything is looking good. He has me do a few turns then tells me I'm now on the wind line and I can play a bit as long as I keep heading that way. I do some small "s" turns but basically just enjoy the view for a few minutes. (D an later tells me ...in general... women take it easy in the beginning when told they can play while men ... in general ... immediately go into spirals and such!) I'm still amazed at how much I love this part. All my anxiety is totally gone and I feel so at home up here. I can not fathom that I ever imagined being afraid of this part. And I love being alone. No way I want any TM with me now. I like being in control. Besides, this harness is WAY more comfortable! It's funny how quickly your feelings change about things. I always thought I'd like tandems. But now I have NO desire to jump out without a parachute on my OWN back and having someone else make the decisions!
There is a slight wind today compared to basically none the other two times. Dan has me headed just a little right of the DZ and has me fly past it. This is the first time I've done that and it feels weird to have the DZ kind of behind me. I fly out near a highway and have a good time watching all the tiny cars. I start to feel it's time to head towards the DZ and start to turn that way and hear Dan tell me I'm right. I had paid close attention when I was out listening to him direct the S/L student down so I had a good idea on what to do. I hit a few breezy spots and felt the canopy rattle a bit more than it had on previous jumps. It was very clear to me that the skydive isn't over until you are safely on the ground. Dan tells me to head for that big X and I make a few slight turns until I am heading in that direction. I come down nice and smooth and flare at the correct time with Dan's help but I have my feet a little too out in front of me so I end up sitting back softly after half sliding/half standing my way in. Dan tells me with a few minor adjustments I could have easily stood it up.
I was so psyched as I sat there and I reached in and pulled out my ripcord. I was kind of bummed that little Jay wasn't there to show it to. I had been looking forward to him asking for it and finally being able to hand it to him. I missed him. Oh well. Boomer and Dan would have to do. I proudly showed it to them and they were very happy for me. Boomer asked me if I was now happy I stayed and jumped and I said, "You bet!!!" I was grinning from ear to ear! Dan went over daisy-chaining the lines again and some do's and don'ts and to make sure the pilot chute didn't get dragged in the sand and all. I gathered up my chute and jumped on the back of the truck and headed back happy as hell!
As I walked back in to the packing area I caught the eyes of a few people who always ask me how I made out and I smiled and showed them the ripcord. Then a guy who I hadn't noticed before said he saw I was back for more. He said since it looked like I was going to be hanging around that he should introduce himself. His name was Kevin and he was a TM. I thought that was really nice. I really love this DZ. Everyone is so friendly and welcoming. I truly feel at home here.
I returned my gear... but still held onto the ripcord. Boomer says, "You know you have to give that back... " I said, "I know. I just want to keep it a while. I'd like to bring it home and hang it on my wall though. Maybe I could say I lost it??"
Gary comes over and asks me what I thought. I told him I thought it went good and told him what I remembered. He told me that sounded about right. He told me that Derek had let go I think around 10 or 11,000 (I forgot my logbook so I don't have what he wrote on my card... I'll get it next time). And then that he had let go shortly after. He said that the turn I mentioned could even have been caused by the slight taps he was giving my side occasionally. He said my arch was a little flat... probably from my being nervous and a bit tense. He said if I relax and arch like I do on the ground that I'd do great. He asked if I was ready to do Level IV. I said, "Yes." He said he thought I was, too, and cleared me to Level IV.
This is what he wrote in my logbook: Nice exit, COA, 1 PRCP, COA, signal more arch, secondary release 10,000, primary 9,000. Nice skydive. Wave 6,000. Solo pull. Onto IV.
We did head home from NH early on Tuesday to try and get in a jump but the clouds had moved in and when we called it kept having different ceilings but the highest was only 10,000 and we really wanted the whole 13,500 for Level IV with all the turns and stuff on it. Plus we figured if it had been cloudy like it had been where we were and they were jumping at all that they would probably be backed up anyway and they were also predicting thunderstorms. Maybe next Sunday.