It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

1. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where the in the world she is.

2. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

3. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

4. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I am doing.

5. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up on the body.

6. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

7. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

8. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

9. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

10. I don't jog, it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.