Paulus was a teacher
113. Pieter Willemsz KAPTEYN Pastor
BIOGRAPHY: Granddaughter Aukje Binnema-Kapteyn would tell about him: Pieter Kapteyn was a farmer in the Zuidplaspolder near Waddinxveen and the story goes that he had long arms, so that at harvest time he could cover more land with the scythe than his co-labourors.
Pieter W. Kapteyn lost his first wife and children probably before 1852. He then quite farming in order to study for the ministry. Pieter Rupke, his brother-in-law, took over the farm. Pieter Kapteyn had his theological training at the small theological school at Hoogeveen (Drenthe) under Reverend Wolter Kok, and was probably one of the last students to graduate from there.
In December 1854, the same year the church of Gees was established, the Theological school in Kampen was opened. After 2 years of study in Hoogeveen, the question of whether or not to stay in Hoogeveen or continue his studies at Kampen came up. But his teacher at Hoogeveen told him, "Kapteyn, you can go into a congregation."
Pieter Kapteyn recieved and accepted the call to Gees in Drenthe on a salary of 200 Guilders plus 'Turf' (peat moss fuel) and potatoes. He served there from 11 Mar 1855 until 16 Nov 1858 when he went to Putten. From there to Sleeuwijk in 1861, Leerdam 1868, Pernis 1870, Amstelveen 1873, Emeritus in 1898, and died in 1903.
On 6 Oct 1946, when I, Jacob Binnema was a student, I went with my fiancee Hilda to Gees to preach in the Gereformeerde Kerk. I said to Hilda: "My great-grandfather was the first minister here." Hilda responded, "My great grandfather was a minister here, too!" Reverend Pieter Kapteyn was the first minister in the Christian Afgescheiden Gemeente in Gees which was organized in 1854. Reverend Hendrik Van Hoogen served there from 1865-1867. We (Jacob and Hilda) saw the old church building in Gees which is now a barn with gothic windows and still shows the place where the collection bags had been hanging and where the pulpit had been. We also saw the old parsonage and imagined how our relatives had once lived there.
The name of the first wife of Pieter Kapteyn is unknown to us. He married for the second time on 25 May 1855 to a widow, Wichertje Jansd Koning, who was born 5 Nov 1826 in Gees, and died 10 Dec 1896 in Brussels, Belgium. She was buried in Amstelveen.
The story goes that while the couple was living in Amstelveen, on market day the beggars on the way to Amsterdam would pass by the parsonage for a hand out. Mrs. Kapteyn would not open the door, but she would let a half-penny piece slide through a slit in the door for each of the many beggars that came by.
GIVEN_NAMES: Also shown as Wiekerje Jannes
BIOGRAPHY: Johannes was a professor at the theological school in Kampen, and rector of the Gereformeerde Gymnasium (High school) in Kampen. He recieved his doctorate on 8 July, 1902.
BIOGRAPHY: Jan was a school principal in Sassenheim and later in Arnhem. He and Willemina had no children
222. Nicolaas Gelmer KAPTEYN Pastor
BIOGRAPHY: Nicholas was a minister in the Gereformeerde Kerk of Leerdam in 1895, and Werkendam in 1901. He was released from office in 1906. Was the release related to the divorce from S. Visser? It is quite likely.
BIOGRAPHY: The following and all circumstances if not experienced personally (by Willem Kapteyn, born 6 September 1903) are copied and put together from history written by Father Pieter Nicolaas Kapteyn (born 16 May 1874)
"Cornelis Kapteyn, son of Willem born on January 12, 1827, on March 10, 1854 Married Cornelia VerBree. They settled in the municipality of Nieuwkoop on the Ziendeweg; a tenant house had been built on land belonging to his father. Approximately 45 acres of pastureland along with all the buildings became his property for the sum of 18,000 Guilders, with a mortgage of 14,000 Guilders.
The early years of their marriage were a disapointment financially. Even though Cornelis was a God-fearing man, this caused him much discouragement. They had counted on a sum of money from his wife's family, which for unknown reasons did not materialize. Later an approximate 2,000 Guilders was inherited from an Aunt. After some years, however, better times arrived concerning the operation. Everything rose in price, resulting in relative prosperity. Among the general population there was considerable confidence in agriculture, and investment in farm enterprises was considered safe.
Cornelis and Cornelia also prospered in their married life. Of the 10 children born to them, 8 reached the age of maturity; namely Willem, Annigje, Adrianus (the father of Bartus Willem, the tireless Kapteyn genealogist), Paulus, Dirk, Dirkje, Cornelia Belia, and Pieter Nicolaas (The great grandfather of Bryan William Kapteyn, the recorder of this history). Their parents taught them at an early age to know and serve their Savior, and the fruits were quite evident already in their youth.
As previously mentioned, there were a number of prosperous years, but after that there was a recession. There were also some losses because of lending money to family members and others either because of the business recession or bankruptcy of those involved, making Cornelis Kapteyn the victim. Since he was known as well-to-do, he was asked repeatedly for financial help, and because he had a benevolent nature (perhaps he was too good) he himself in the long run began experiencing money problems from which he was never able to extricate himself.
In the Gereformeerde Kerk of Bodegraven, Cornelis served as elder and deacon for many years; a total of 34 years to be exact. On May 16, 1891, his wife Cornelia passed away at the age of 57.
In the meantime, the three oldest children were married and the fourth, Paulus, in 1883 married Krijntje Rodenburg and bought the dwelling from his father along with most of the land. In addition his father (Cornelis) rented a piece of land on which he built a house and continued farming on a relatively small scale until 1890, at which time he rented more land and thus obtained an operation of +/- 45 acres which he continued until 1900. In that year he (Cornelis) turned the business over to his youngest son, Pieter Nicolaas, father of this writer, and moved to Bodegraven with his youngest daughter, Cornelia Belia. The other children were married in the meantime.
It seems that Cornelis Kapteyn knew many reverses and financial worries during the last period of his life. However, in spite of all these adverse circumstances he fought the good fight and kept the faith. On Jaunuary 28, 1904, he passed away in his Lord and Savior at Bodegraven. Pieter Nicolaas Kapteyn, then, took over the farm from his father Cornelis in December of 1899.
BIOGRAPHY: The following and all circumstances if not experienced personally (by Willem Kapteyn, born 6 September 1903) are copied and put together from history written by Father Pieter Nicolaas Kapteyn (born 16 May 1874)
"Cornelis Kapteyn, son of Willem born on January 12, 1827, on March 10, 1854 Married Cornelia VerBree. They settled in the municipality of Nieuwkoop on the Ziendeweg; a tenant house had been built on land belonging to his father. Approximately 45 acres of pastureland along with all the buildings became his property for the sum of 18,000 Guilders, with a mortgage of 14,000 Guilders.
The early years of their marriage were a disapointment financially. Even though Cornelis was a God-fearing man, this caused him much discouragement. They had counted on a sum of money from his wife's family, which for unknown reasons did not materialize. Later an approximate 2,000 Guilders was inherited from an Aunt. After some years, however, better times arrived concerning the operation. Everything rose in price, resulting in relative prosperity. Among the general population there was considerable confidence in agriculture, and investment in farm enterprises was considered safe.
Cornelis and Cornelia also prospered in their married life. Of the 10 children born to them, 8 reached the age of maturity; namely Willem, Annigje, Adrianus (the father of Bartus Willem, the tireless Kapteyn genealogist), Paulus, Dirk, Dirkje, Cornelia Belia, and Pieter Nicolaas (The great grandfather of Bryan William Kapteyn, the recorder of this history). Their parents taught them at an early age to know and serve their Savior, and the fruits were quite evident already in their youth.
As previously mentioned, there were a number of prosperous years, but after that there was a recession. There were also some losses because of lending money to family members and others either because of the business recession or bankruptcy of those involved, making Cornelis Kapteyn the victim. Since he was known as well-to-do, he was asked repeatedly for financial help, and because he had a benevolent nature (perhaps he was too good) he himself in the long run began experiencing money problems from which he was never able to extricate himself.
In the Gereformeerde Kerk of Bodegraven, Cornelis served as elder and deacon for many years; a total of 34 years to be exact. On May 16, 1891, his wife Cornelia passed away at the age of 57.
In the meantime, the three oldest children were married and the fourth, Paulus, in 1883 married Krijntje Rodenburg and bought the dwelling from his father along with most of the land. In addition his father (Cornelis) rented a piece of land on which he built a house and continued farming on a relatively small scale until 1890, at which time he rented more land and thus obtained an operation of +/- 45 acres which he continued until 1900. In that year he (Cornelis) turned the business over to his youngest son, Pieter Nicolaas, father of this writer, and moved to Bodegraven with his youngest daughter, Cornelia Belia. The other children were married in the meantime.
It seems that Cornelis Kapteyn knew many reverses and financial worries during the last period of his life. However, in spite of all these adverse circumstances he fought the good fight and kept the faith. On Jaunuary 28, 1904, he passed away in his Lord and Savior at Bodegraven. Pieter Nicolaas Kapteyn, then, took over the farm from his father Cornelis in December of 1899.Notitie bij multimedia-object:Notitie bij multimedia-object:
My Great-great grandparents on my father's sideNotitie bij multimedia-object:Notitie bij multimedia-object:Notitie bij multimedia-object:
This is the church where Great-great grandfather served as deacon & elder for 34 years.
BIOGRAPHY:
Remembrances
Written by
Mrs. Gerritje Rupke (Kapteyn)
December 24, 1832
To
January 1, 1905
It is now the year 1890. Many are the memories of the past year. The most vivid in my mind is the death of that poor child of my daughter, Dirkje, who was drowned in a tragic manner. Oh, that we will not call the Lord unjust; but bow ourselves under the Lord's will. Also, I remember the death of my neighbor, Mrs. De Joode, leaving nine children motherless.
Many also are the blessings. My husband became mayor of Waddinxveen this year, wonderful dispensation of God's Providence, (Psalm 113:7) Who sets up the poor out of the dust and enriches them with honor and praise.
Our children are delighted that father, after their repeated pleadings, bought an organ. Oh, that it may be used often to praise the Lord. Also, we are thankful that the sickness of our daughter Jansje (coughing, fever, and weakness) seems to have turned for the better.
In the year 1888, my son Christiaan was seriously ill. I watched at his bedside for nine nights. The Lord strengthened me to do that, and called him back from the door of death. Many prayers were sent up for him during that time and the Lord heard and answered those prayers. Every evening my brother Dirk came and prayed so earnestly for him, that he gave me hope that the Lord would answer him. Also, Dr. Notten came and visited him and prayed so earnestly and urgently but finally with submission he said, "But Lord, if thy way is otherwise, then shalt thou, by Thine angels carry him through the heavenly gates. When I first came to his bed, I asked him, "What about eternity?" Then he said, "It is my will and choice to serve the Lord, it is he who gave me this will and now I trust Him that He will abide with the works of His hand." He had been failing for a few days but now we thought he was improving. One morning his oldest son Pieter came to us with the message "Father is so tight in his chest, the doctor says he is suffering from an asthmatic condition." This was a great blow to me. I said, "Then he is dying, because he has had so much trouble with his chest." The house seemed too small for me. I said, "I will go to him right now." And while I prepared myself to go, I remembered Job 6:19 "He shall deliver thee in six troubles; yea in seven there shall no evil touch thee." That left me calm and I had hope again that he might get better. However, this hope was sometimes almost gone, seeing his terrific weakness and congestion, but still in my heart lived a hope that the Lord would save him. Yes, I thought, I could not bear it if the Lord did take him away, but the Lord had promised that he would not leave me perplexed. I asked Christiaan, "What do you think? Will you get better?" He said, "I have no reason to think so but the Lord has said in Matthew 18:19 "Where two or three come together and pray for something earnestly, I will give it to them. And now I hope that the Lord will hear the prayers of his people." And so the Lord did make him well again, even though he always has a weak chest, yet he is able to do his work. Yes, until so far the Lord has helped us.
As I look back I remember many things that the Lord has made well through hard trials, also with the loss of our Willem, who died so suddenly. He died of Cholera. In the morning he went healthy to school in Gouda, and because it was Thursday, the market day, Christiaan and Willem rode with their father. He got sick that morning in school and the teacher had father called from the market to take Willem home. And oh! How terrible he looked. I said, "What is the matter Willem?" He replied, "I am sick. Just lay me in bed." And while I was taking his boots off, he began to vomit. We laid him on the bed, and he said he was thirsty. All day he did nothing but drink and vomit. Towards evening he began to lay still mostly with his hands folded. When I asked him, "How are you, Willem?" He would say, "Good," but I was so worried that I didn't dare to ask him what he meant by "good." But because he was so sick, I have always been sorry that I did not ask him because the next morning about 7 O'clock A: M he died. He had some convulsions and Father cried, "Willem, Willem, are you dying?" His answer was a few sighs and so, he died. He was eight years old. We had called the doctor right away and he had said it was cholera in its worst degree. He said he would give him medicine but there wasn't much hope. After the doctor left, my husband said, "Let us pray. The Lord is a great physician."
Then we knelt down by the bed and my husband prayed earnestly for him to recover and he was so comforted in his spirit that after the prayer he said, "I believe he will get better." I did not feel his confidence and said, "I am afraid you understand your feelings wrongly." When Willem died, my husband was comforted with the verse from II Samuel 12:23 "I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me." I could not be comforted. Willem was torn from my heart; I could not find justice in the will of God, and I blamed myself for many things. I felt that I had not talked enough with him about the important things while he was healthy. Also that I had not shown him that he was a lost sinner and had to repent, and that I had not prayed enough for him. When he was healthy he sometimes asked me things about eternity and the coming blessedness, and I thought they were things too hard for him to understand at his age. So I said, "Willem, you are too small for those questions, you shouldn't talk about them yet." Oh! I was so sorry about this when he died so suddenly. He was eight years and his understanding was good, so I was afraid to call him a child. Everything was so dark for me. That is the way I was during that first day after his death. The next morning, being up early, I went outside. The stars were still shining in the sky. As I looked up I sighed, "Where would my Willem be now?" I wondered, "Why did this child live? He has not been useful for himself or for another." I thought of all the care and trouble a mother has to bring up a child. Psalm 145:10 came into my thoughts; "Thy works shall praise thee, O Lord." A ray of hope came into my troubled mind. Did he have to memorize Psalm 91 and still die from such a sickness? He had learned that Psalm in school. Then I was reminded that God makes good His word, and that God's promises about death and eternity do continue. Then that Psalm became clear to me. The Lord has saved him from the snares of this world and from the sins and the devil and made him safe. God had saved his soul and he did not have to fear the sickness because God had used it as a way to bring him safely to Heaven. I saw clearly that the Lord had saved him from danger for his body and soul and had hidden him under his wings. I also recalled how at his baptism he was given to
God, the Triune God, and God had promised to be his God. And his Word, which is always true, has said He would be his shield and buckler. Then my sorrow was gone. I imagined him safely in God's hand and he was much happier than any of my other children. Now I did not wish him to be on earth with me. I clearly saw that he was much better off than I could ever make him and this belief supported me through many hard trials. I did not cry anymore over my loss, which was astonishing to my friends and neighbors. True, many times in the years that passed, the tears would come to my eyes as I remembered something about him, but then I could see his happiness and that he will always sing of god's loving kindness, and I would remember his favorite verse, "What shall it be, what shall it be, when in Salem I shall come, the city of golden crowns." That would give me comfort. Yes, I was sure of his salvation, much surer than of my own. That is sometimes so dark. Yet I cannot deny that the Lord did much work in me, but I do not know if the work done in me is redemptive work. My faith is so weak; I have an empty place in my heart and a yearning for an absolute assurance.
Oh! If only I could hold more onto the throne of grace to be helped in this time of training and preparation. If only I could storm the gates of heaven, but the dullness of my prayers and the laziness of my flesh is so much the cause of my doubting heart. I feel so strongly the struggle between my flesh and spirit when I want to do good and the wrong is so easy that I cry "Oh miserable person! Oh dear Lord, please save me from my sins and give me a heart that is fit to serve Thee, and that in this life I may give God the praise and thanks for the salvation given me."
Oh! I have many things to thank Him for. We have lost all by our sins and the Lord continues to do us good inwardly and outwardly. He often shows us that He is a hearer of our prayers. Sometimes it happens as He said, "Before you call, I will answer." I found this out when my son Gerardus died when he was about two years old. I was made ready for this. A few weeks before he became sick, I saw so clearly the heavenly glory and how wonderful it would be to serve God without sin, that I felt I wanted to go there. However, I had so many earthly ties to my husband and children, and I thought that god was preparing me to leave them. Also at that time I was expecting a child so I thought I would die when the child was born. However, God's way was otherwise. A few days after the baby's birth, Gerardus became ill. He was a very charming, sweet child. Then it was as if it was said to me, that child will die and enjoy the heavenly glory. Therefore, I could easily give my child over with such a wonderful future to be soon with the Lord in heaven. His sickness lasted three weeks. The doctor said it was a disease in his intestines. Oh, if was so hard to see him suffer, that I could not suppress the wish that God would take him soon. Especially that lasts two days, when he had convulsions. It was almost more than my mother love could stand. Then I would pray quietly, "Lord, take him soon." But then Satan would whisper, "How do you know the child will go to heaven?" That made me afraid and I cried, "Oh Lord what will happen to my child?" However, I remembered his baptism also, and that God was his God and a God of yes and amen, who says, "would I say it and not do it?" I was reminded of God's promise in Isaiah 59:196, "Whenever the enemy will come like a flood, then will the spirit of the Lord defend me." That gave me such comfort that I felt like shouting, "My child is going to heaven!" Yes, in these ways, God has shown me that He is concerned about me, even when in a sinful way I have rebelled against Him.
Three years after this, I was expecting another child, and although I knew it was wrong, I felt very rebellious about it. I couldn't get rid of this feeling, until something happened that changed me, and I was in accord with God's will for me. I was alone, doing my work, and my thoughts were full of worries about the future. Then it was as if someone was next to me and asked, "If it is the Lord's will that you will bring a child into the world that will live to the glory of His name what do you have against that?" That changed my whole state of mind, so I said (whether I spoke out loud or not I do not know) "Oh no, if it will bring glory to God's name and it is His will." I was eager to serve Him with body and soul. I said, "Here I am Lord, do with me what is good in Thine eyes." This wonderful feeling stayed with me long after the child was born. I was like the prophet. On that 'food' I could live fourteen days and nights, yet not much longer, for two years later when I was again expecting a child, I still remembered and was spared a feeling of rebellion. I always felt a willingness to do God's will and I asked the Lord if it my be a seed blessed by the Lord and may live to glorify His name. Later, I had a feeling of disappointment because I had thought the first child would be a son who would become a minister and receive many blessings on his work, but my thoughts were not God's thoughts. It was a girl and a child like all other children, but still I hope she is a chosen vessel, that will someday praise and honor God's name. May it please the Lord not to disappoint this hope; my prayer is continually not for her alone, but for all my children, that the Lord will convert them. Oh, it seems to me to be a terrible thought, to bring children into the world for the eternal damnation. That is why, even though it is with many shortcomings, I pray that God will make them fit to serve Him, to fear Him and to love Him. Not that they should be better than other people. Oh, only mercy and grace for Jesus' sake.
Some of our children, especially our oldest son Christiaan, how I have pleaded for him before the throne of grace. Satan seemed to be saying to me, "Don't pray for him anymore, he is lost anyway." I would answer that I would still continue to pray for him because Satan did not know and I did not know if he was lost or not. May the Lord be merciful toward him. Already I can thank God for what He has done for him. My prayer for him is that the Lord may strengthen him and build up his faith that he may live to the honor of God's name. Sometimes the cares of this life keep him away from his God. He said that himself, with his recent illness (grippe), he had wandered so far away from God and now He was using this sickness to call him back. Oh may we together thank the Lord for all the good that he has done toward us.
Yes, as I think back, what a lot of interest the Lord has taken in me. From my youth as far back as I can remember, I always had a good clear conscience. I knew that I was a sinner and that I was unconverted and needed to be converted. Otherwise, I would be lost. That knowledge was so strong in me that sometimes at night I would lie awake in fear. If I should die that night I thought, then I would go to hell and I trembled to appear before God's throne. Then I would scream and my sister Fijtje asked what was wrong. I did not dare to tell her but she knew and asked me if I was afraid to die. Then I answered "Yes, I am not converted." She told me to pray to be converted and I answered that I could not pray and asked her to pray for me. Then we kneeled together by the bed and she prayed for me. Then I felt calm again and dared to go to sleep. Sometimes I would wake up with a shock after a frightening dream. I dreamed that it was Judgment Day. My father was placed at God's right hand and I was placed on the lift hand. That was a terrifying moment that has stayed with me all my life. Then a voice would tell me I should pray. I would look for a quiet place but I was so afraid of nature and thought I heard noises so that I couldn't pray and would run away. Satan would use this against me also and say, "You will not be converted, because you do not pray." How I envied those who were converted. To be in their company was my dearest treasure. Thursday evenings, father had meetings with devout people. That was wonderful for me.
I wanted very much to learn to read. I must have been six or seven years old then and because my father did not want us to be inoculated, we were not allowed to attend school. "Oh, please teach me to read," I said. My father taught me my letters and some words and soon I began to understand and the first that I read was a psalm. I was so happy that I could read out of the Bible that everyone had to listen to me. My favorite book was 'Pilgrims Progress' by Bunyan. I had to go to heaven too, so I read with diligence so as to learn to know the way. Once my sister asked me if I understood what I read. I told her that I did not understand everything, but I hoped to understand more as I got older.
Today is Monday, June 2, 1890. Today it is one year since little Gerarda drowned. Oh, what a hard day for my daughter to remember and how everything happened that day. She is still so deeply distressed, but there is submission under God's good counsel and leading and I hope that this trouble will be as means to lead her nearer to God.
Mina was married on 14 May, 1890. Now it is Christmas day. Yesterday was my birthday; I am now 58 years old. Another milestone on my life's way. How the time, the days, the years seem to fly as an eagle after his prey. My 58 years seem to have passed so quickly and so uselessly. Sometimes as I lay down to sleep, I ask myself, "What good have you done today? Then I am so dissatisfied about myself and say, "Not any good -only sins. I have set my heart too much on the things of this world and careless, prayerless, and thankless, have thought more of myself and my own cares than about god and his glory." And yet He continues to do me good. I am ungrateful, and then I see myself so miserable and guilty before God that I cry out, "Lord, enter not into judgment with me!" Oh, how deep I have fallen because of my sins. Sometimes, I see myself as in a deep gulf or abyss, totally lost, as if the dear Lord had not made Himself as a surety to save all his chosen ones. All this gives me courage to draw near to God, and say, "Lord save me also a poor sinner." That gives me hope because He has said "He who will draw nigh to me I will in no wise cast out." John 6:37, and "Open thy mouth wide and I shall fill it," Psalm 81:106. But the need is not always so keen; sometimes it is so dark and cold.
April 29, 1891. Sophia was married today. Who would have thought that so soon? I will miss her help in the house. But we have no freedom to hold out against that. God in his providence gives every man his wife, or else we would be found to fight against God.
Today is May 29. What a busy time we have had this month. The Lord has again given the strength but I can feel that my body is getting weaker, and that I can not do as much as earlier. I would really like it if my husband would give up the farm and that we could retire. However, he is set against this as yet. I do not want to go ahead of God's plan for our lives. There is so much work and worries on our farm of thirty cows and I would like to be rid of that. Sometimes I feel that if I was not so busy I could serve God better. Then I would be in better spirits and not so dull and sleepy, especially on Sundays, when I have to rise at four O'clock A:M and be very busy until church time. Many times I am so sleepy during the prayer and sermon and although I am convinced that it is a sin, and I do fight against it, still it happens so often that I too have found "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak," Matthew 26:41b. I believe that if I did not need to get up so early in the morning, then I would be more receptive. But I also know that is not the only reason, because when I am awake, my thoughts sometimes wander all over and I cannot pay attention to the minister. That is how it is at home also when my husband is praying. Oh how often I detest myself because of the sin that I outwardly show people that I am praying and my heart and thoughts are so far from God, and then I feel in me the contest that "What good I would, I do not and the evil I would not, that I do." I also blame myself that I don't fight more against this or ask God's help and strength. My Prayerlessness and lukewarmness is the reason that I have no comfort or peace for my soul.
Sometimes I dare to confess my sins to the Lord but then I still continue in sin and am reminded "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins," John 1:9. And also those words of the Apostle in Hebrews 12:4, "You have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin." I feel so miserable and sinful, yes as if I was in a deep pit and no one could rescue me, if my eye was not fastened upon my Savior. But it is only half an eye of belief. As the children of Israel when they looked upon the bronze serpent, then I cry, "Oh Lord, only by Thee is there help and salvation," and if only I could trust Him completely, but my faith is so weak that I do not dare to trust Him.
I am often looking back towards my conversion, if there is something I could build on, but I do not remember any special conversion. As long as I can remember, I have been eager to serve the Lord and turn away from the world and worldly things. How much of that was the work of salvation I do not know. I was brought up in a Christian home. My parents were both converted and the Lord worked also through my older brothers and sisters so that it seemed to rub off on me. If only it wasn't through my upbringing. Really, also in this I must acknowledge my sin that I don't see more that God's hand was in this and that it was a privilege to have such an upbringing.
But I would sometimes like to be as someone who was born blind and say, "This I know, once I was blind and now I can see," John 9:25b. My parents were converted at an older age. This was during the secession. My father was always afraid for himself and although he discovered great truths, he often had a struggle that his belief in eternity was not strong enough and sometimes he would say, "It will be terrible if one is lost when one believes he is saved." Now it is October 10, my husband's birthday. Oh, how good the Lord is to spare us so long and give us good health. He is 68 already and quite strong and healthy. May the Lord spare him yet for many years to come. My brother Willem (Kapteyn) is 72 already. He and his wife have been visiting us. On October 6th we took them to my brother Dirk's home. They came here on the 28th of September. On the 29th we went to Amsterdam. My husband had to see about a house for Mina and Engel, and brother Willem and I spent the time in the zoo. Willem's wife had a headache and did not go along. Here at the zoo we saw again in the greatness of The Creator. Yes, we can see Him every day in our surroundings, in each blossom and blade of grass, in the animals and in our own bodies, but we have become so blind because of sin that we do not take notice anymore. But when a person has been reborn they again take notice of the great works of God. What a difference then! Large and small, wild and tame, fish and birds, the hand of God forms all perfect. We may rightly echo the words of Psalm 86:10, "God is great and doeth wondrous things." Now it is January 31, 1892. Many, many things have happened since I wrote last. The hardest trial was the death of the oldest son (Pieter) of our son Christiaan, who was taken so swiftly. He was almost 16 years old and a promising youngster who was a big help and support to his parents. Influenza and pneumonia was his sickness. A hard loss for his parents. He has been torn from their hearts, and from ours also, but to again the Lord does not try us above that which we are able to bear, I Corinthians 10:13. He strengthens the parents and it is most important that Christiaan may believe that his soul is in heaven. When he was healthy, he had shown that he wanted to serve God. This was the work of God and He has given him a great comfort and does our hearts good, so that we must say again, "My God how good thou art, Thy deeds are majestic and Wonderful." May the Lord grant that we may now be still and rest in His will and works.
Today is June 1, 1893. The Lord has given me my wish that we may stay living here peacefully and quietly. At first it looked as if we would not be able to get a house here. My husband tried so hard to buy or rent a house but nothing turned out. Then he tried to buy land to build but no one wanted to sell any land. During this time, I often sighed to the Lord in my prayers, "Oh Lord, make available a house suitable for us!" and this the Lord did. Again he has been a hearer of prayers. My husband asked this man once again of he would sell us some land, without any hope that he would, and the Lord, who has all hearts in His hand, made it possible that we got the land. And now a house has been built which is roomy enough for our needs and is in a nice district with a lovely view. So again we say, "Oh Lord, Thou art good! Thou hast given more than we asked for." Oh, if only I would thank the Lord more often.
Friday, June 9, 1893. Today it is thirteen days since Christiaan left for America. We have not yet heard of his ship has arrived there. When the newspaper comes in, that is the first thing we look for. We are very anxious for the news of him. He has gone there for the Utrechts Land and Emigration Company. I never imagined such a thing would happen. Although I sometimes had a feeling, and I said to my husband, as long as we don't have to live to see our children leave for America. But that it has to be our oldest son, who is so close to my heart, that I never dreamed of. It seemed to me to be so hard to take at first, so that I prayed, "Oh Lord, give him his living here if it is Thy will, so that he may stay with us." Then the Lord assured me that he is in His hands and His walls are around him. And so I could picture him safe in the Lord's hand so that I could yield him over and say, "Thy will be done." When he came to say goodbye, he told me that he believed that God had converted him and that God was leading him.
December 24, 1893. My birthday! Already 61 years old. Another milepost. The time is short and eternity is long. "Prepare your house for you shall die." Isaiah 38:1b. Much has happened again this year. We have moved into our new house and it pleases us very much. But the Lord has given me a hindrance so that I may not exalt myself but always feel my dependence. During the month of October, I was working in an upstairs bedroom one day, and something I never dreamed of happened. I stepped beside the stairs and fell and broke my arm. Now it is Christmas and it is still so stiff that I cannot reach up or backwards, therefore I cannot get dressed without help. If it does not improve, my hope is that the Lord will spare me from being rebellious, but remind me of the many blessings, which I still enjoy.
Monday, July 18, 1898. Saturday it was 45 years ago that we were married. July 16 in the town hall and July 17, 1853, in the church by Ds. Alting of Bodegraven. Thanks to the Lord for leading and sparing us and for giving us health and strength and the use of all our faculties.
I will never forget the year, which has just passed, because the Lord has shown His great goodness by giving me light upon the state of grace He has shown me. All my life I lived in doubt whether my salvation was genuine. That was my feeling (doubt).
One morning while I was busy with daily tasks in my room, and I sighed in my heart, "Oh Lord, answer me whether I am a child of Thine or not." Then a voice seemed to say inside of me, "That answer I gave you long ago in my Word." And I saw clearly that the Lord had given His word to me and that I should take all His promises for myself. The voice seemed so clear it was as if someone was speaking aloud, and for a long time after, when reading in the Bible it was as if I still heard that voice. That was the wonderful way the Lord showed His goodness to me, notwithstanding my sinful unbelief and doubt, to free my soul as it were and it is so wonderful to me that I can scarcely speak of it. Still, I am not able to put into words just how I feel. That saving peace on my soul and the wonder that God cares for me! I could not easily speak of it then, my heart was so full, and I had to cry for happiness and marvel over it. And to this day, I hold fast to this assurance. Although some days are dark, my constant prayer is that the Lord will strengthen my faith so that I will not fall back into the sin of unbelief and doubt. And that my life will not be a denial of the Lord's work, and also that I will not ask for more grace than I deserve.
I have written this so that my children may read after my death of the work the Lord has done for me a worthless earthworm.
Alas! And did my Savior bleed,
And did my Sovereign die?
Would He devote that sacred head
For such a worm as !?
MARRIAGE: Pieter and Gerritje were married in the town hall on 16 July, and in church on 17 July by Ds. Alting of Bodegraven.