Douglas Miller wrote:
In the days of Yore, long gone by, at the time of Camelot,
there were many brave Knights, but the bravest of them all was Sir Lancelot. Sir Lancelot was the bravest of the brave,
goodest of the good and purest of the pure.
One day Sir Lancelot set out from Camelot on his trusty
charger, his quest as ever, to slay dragons, rescue maidens and hopefully turn up the Holy Grail on the way. Resplendent in his shiny armour he set forth, brave, good and pure.
However on this day, events took a decidedly strange twist, as out of nowhere as strange twist of time and space appeared, and before Sir Lancelot good reign in his horse, they plummeted
thru the vortex and were hurled many years thru time and many
miles thru space, until finally...
...they landed in present day San Francisco. Slightly
disorientated and completely naked (the anomaly did not
transport non living tissue or in-organic substances), Sir
Lancelot surveyed the new world that he had been thrust upon.
His nakedness did not trouble him, for in his mind he was clad
in the raiment of Goodnest and Purity. Just then he spied what
he thought must be an Inn of some form named "The Fudge
Packer".
He entered this strange hostelry and noticed men clad in all
manner of weird apparel. He believe that he saw women also, but on closer inspection, they turned out to be men as well, dressed in female clothing.
Alas, Sir Lancelot did not watch where he was treading and his
foot slid thru a large strawberry daiquiri slick. He somersaulted into the air before landing on his head, knocking himself unconscious, draped face down over a chair and...
... a Good Knight was had by everyone!
Harvin Narayan wrote:
In an ancient monastery in a faraway place, a new monk arrived to join his brothers in copying books and scrolls in the monastery's scriptorium. He was assigned to be a rubricate on copies of books that had already been copied by hand.
One day, he asked Father Florin (the head of the scriptorium, "Does not the copying by hand of other copies allow for error? How do we know we are not copying the mistakes of someone else? Are they ever checked against the original?"
Fr. Florin was taken aback by the observation of this youthful monk. "A very good point, my son. I will take one of the latest books down to the vault and compare it against the original."
Fr. Florin went down to the vault and began his verification.
After a day had passed, the monks began to worry and went down looking for the old priest. They were sure something must have happened. As they approached the vault, they heard crying. When they opened the door, they found Fr. Florin sobbing over the new copy and the original ancient book, both of which were opened before him on the table. It was obvious
to all that the poor man had been crying his heart out for a long time.
"What is the problem, Reverend Father?" asked one of the monks.
"Oh, my God, my God," sobbed the priest. "In the ancient book of the sacred rites of priesthood...the word is 'celebrate'!"
The Rules of Combat
1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. Incoming fire has the right of way.
3. Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.
4. The easy way is always mined.
5. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
6. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
7. The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:
1. When you're ready for them.
2. When you're not ready for them.
8. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
9. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
10. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
11. Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.
12. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
13. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
14. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
15. When in doubt empty the magazine.
16. Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.
17. Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing nothing.
18. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
19. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
20. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
21. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
22. The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
23. Five second fuses only last three seconds.
24. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
SILVERWING'S LAWS-Passed on by Baroness Juliana of Artemesia
Silverwing's Definition of the SCA's Purpose: Law No. Zero
"The SCA exists to provide an environment favorable to the amateur practice of, dissemination of information about, and consequent preservation of, diverse aspects of Medieval and Renaissance culture."
Creativist fun-mavens please note: "favorable to amateurs" implies that the environment has to be enjoyable as a hobby.
THE LAWS
1.There is only one rule in the SCA: "Thou shalt not be tacky". All the rest is commentary. [Barak Raz]
2.Gresham's Law applies to the SCA: Bad medievalism drives out the good. [SaK and Thos. Gresham]
3.Never attribute to malice what can adequately be explained by
stupidity. [This is known as Hanlon's Razor, and attributed to Napoleon.Jerome of McKenna (Jerry Pournelle) adds that "there are degrees of incompetence". Thanks to Clark Meyers for the info.]
4.The number of sauces at the feast is directly proportional to the length of your dags times the cost of the material. [Alexandre sur le Mer]
5.The media will always interview the worst-dressed person at the event. If they can't find the worst-dressed person, they will interview the least-dressed person. [Unknown]
6.What we want most from our kings is plenty to talk about, and
that's what our system gives us. [Sir Lars Vilhjalmsson]
7.If you say you're it, and no one else says they're it, and everyone thinks you're it, then you're it. (The Virtual Warrant Principle) [SaK]
8.A jerk wearing a crown and five medallions is still a jerk. A noble man need not be a nobleman. [SaK]
9.The problem with "The Dream" is not "Dream". It's "The". [Adelicia of Gilwell & Robin of Gilwell]
9a. This is not the Dream. This is what I do on weekends to have some fun. The Dream involves 4 sets of identical twins, 2 gallons of Cool Whip, 5 quarts of chocolate syrup, 2-1/4 pounds of strawberries,satin sheets, a magnum of champagne, a trapeze, and a python. [Sfi Mordecai ben Yosef Yitzhak]
10.The reason the SCA functions the way it does is because its laws are written by computer programmers. (The reason the USA functions the way it does may be because its computer programs are written by lawyers.) [SaK]
11.The probability that you forgot to pack something is directly
proportional to the distance of the event times the necessity of the item. [SaK]
12.There are only 25 faces in the SCA. It's okay, I don't remember your name either. [Elspeth Keyfe of Neddingham]
13.In the East, if the King says to dig a ditch, Curia must discuss
and approve it. In the West, if the King says to dig a ditch, it takes 4 months to find a shovel. [Alexander Listkeeper]
14.Art imitates life; life imitates art. (The best re-creations in the SCA are the ones we don't even consciously try to create.) [SaK]
15.No plan survives contact with the enemy. [Field Marshal Helmuth von Moltke, via Robin]
16.He is most to be feared who has nothing at stake. [Public domain]
17.It is better to have the Pope's ear than the King's crown. (If you want to effect real change, work with the system. The crown will change within 6 months. Welsh proverb: Gwell car yn y llys nag aur ar fys,or, Better a friend in the Court than gold on thy finger)
18.Though it be a law of Nature, there will always be someone to dispute it. [SaK]
19.Name magic works in the SCA. (You know someone has become a friend when they use your mundane name and you don't feel vaguely offended.) [SaK]
20.Never expect the king to ask his herald first. [SaK]
21.Never believe the schedule in the Pre-Pennsic booklet. [SaK]
22.We can, therefore we do. We do, therefore we have always done. We have always done,therefore we must always do. We must always do, therefore an officer must oversee the doing. There is an officer, therefore we must report. We must report, else we will lose our tax status. (The Cascading Bureacracy Meme) [SaK]
23.Anything a king gives twice is an Order. (If the king gives me a dead halibut, he has given me a dead halibut. If, next week, he gives you one, we are now Companions of the Halibut and I'm the principal.) [SaK]
24.SCA legislation is always reactive, never prospective. [SaK]
25.Semper litteris mandate (Always get it in writing) [Official motto of the SCA College of Arms] (Yes, Laurel's crown says "Non Scripta Non Est" {If not written, it doesn't exist}. But I
recall this version from Karina's Precedents, and it's on the West
Kingdom's CoH seal.)
26.All that is needful to be respected is that one behave both
respectfully and respectably. [Galen of Bristol]
27.To gain face, give face; to lose face, try to save face or take face away. [Frydherik Eysenkopf]
28.No one who is facing the audience should be surprised at court. [Daniel of Lincoln (modified)]
29.The Prime Rule of Pennsic: It's your vacation, stupid! [SaK, with thanks to the Clinton campaign....]
29A (Corollary) The 2nd Rule of Pennsic: It's everyone else's
vacation, too. Someone's got to make it happen.
30.Always assume that the Crown can. [SaK]
31.Backwards compatability means never being able to say 'Ooops, we goofed'". [IBM via Tibor]
32.Beneath the calm, professional exterior of the SCA, lurk all the subtle, interpersonal dynamics of a nursery school at recess. [Adapted from Gary Trudeau, via Corun MacAnndra & Tibor]
33.Courtesy includes Justice, for Justice is Courtesy to Truth. [SaK]
34.No, it isn't fair. Neither were the Middle Ages.(And once you accept that, life in the SCA gets a lot easier and makes much more sense.) [SaK]
35.Don't let the Best be the enemy of the Good. ["Cariadoc's Maxim",Cariadoc of the Bow]
36."You Rule Because They Believe" [Reportedly engraved on the inner surface of the Caidan crowns.]
37.Solving problems is easier if you haven't picked your solution
before you start. [Azelin Cola of Wishford a/k/a Ralph the Carter]
38.The three hardest things to say are "I'm sorry", "I was wrong", and "I don't know". [Tibor of Rock Valley]
39.When in doubt, assume that any group of three or more people includes someone who is cranky for the moment, and could interpret your actions in the worst possible context. [Anton Winteroak]
40.If given a blank canvas a SCAthian will go out and LEARN how to make paint. [Kimmer Bayleaf]
41.Justin's Rules of Good Bureaucracy: Don't make a Law if a Policy will do. Don't make a Policy if Custom suffices decently well. And don't try to change Custom if things aren't broken in the first place. [Justin du Couer]
42.The SCA is pretty lax at enforcing its regulations, and cannot do more than slap on the wrist. But becoming a social outcast makes the game no fun. The penalty for violations of custom, while less precise, are fiercer.[Tibor of Rock Valley]
43.The most important thing is a cool mug or goblet. Without a mug or goblet, you end up with a paper cup or a modern bottle or an aluminum can in your hand and you are a SLOB. Add a cool mug or goblet and immediately you, too, are cool. [Duke Finvarr de Taahe]
44.No matter how great your triumphs in the SCA, 99.9993% of the planet couldn't care less. [Unknown, but inspired by "Laszlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom"]
45.Never hand someone a dagger unless you're sure where he's going to throw it. [Adapted from Kathryn M. Drennan]
46.The fact that I'm neutral means I'm not on your side. [Saleem
ibn-Alefan]
47.Every weekend, we gather hundreds of people together, none of whom have had enough sleep. ["Robin's Unified Theory" of SCA Dynamics]
48.No problem is so big or so complicated that it can't be run away from. [Charles Schultz via Linus van Pelt and Robin]
49.It's the inherent right of all to make dern fools of ourselfs. It
ain't held by official types alone. So don't mess with it. [Walt Kelly via Porky Pine & Robin]
50.It's not enough to be involved; you have to be committed. Think of a plate of ham & eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed. [Martina Navratilova via Robin]
51.As long as we would rather have wearable shoes than perfect theories about shoes, academic standards are the wrong measure for our work. The measure of a paper is not the measure of a shoe. [Robin of Gilwell]
52.All that is neccessary for tacky to triumph is that class acts
should do nothing. [Azelin Cola of Wishford]
53.Re-creation necessarily implies research before the craftwork starts. If you haven't done the research, you can create, but you cannot possibly RE-create. [Arval d'Espas Nord]
54.Arguing with a herald is like wrestling with a pig. First you get really dirty and muddy, and then, after a while, you begin to realize the pig is enjoying himself. [Ernst Nuss von Kitzingen]
55.Only Pennsic is worth the level of inconvenience that only Pennsic requires. [Tibor]
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Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
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