Origins of Dog Show Terms

(from a beer drinkers point of view)

AGILITY: Two drunk sheep-herders (probably a Scotsman & a Belgian as the Border Collies & Belgians are excellent agility dogs) arguing over whose dog can do the most tricks - as they got drunker, the obstacles got harder and more dangerous:

Tunnel - (originally was "crawl on the belly") - but because dogs kept standing up, the tunnel was created (very easy).
Jump - jump over gate.
Dog Walk - walk on top of stone fence.
Tyre Jump - originally an obedience exercise of 'Jumping through a Window' - changed to a tyre when the dogs got hurt because someone often forgot to open the window.
Weave Poles - run between fence posts.
A-Frame - originally climb a wall 15 feet high (very hard).
No one knows where the see-saw comes from One day it just showed up and was used.

CONFORMATION: Two drunks argued over which dog was better looking - later evolved into who has the most leisure time to spend on their dogs.

Chinese Crested - 30 seconds (wipe - wax - show)
Black Labrador - 30 minutes (throw into lake - wipe dry - show)
Belgian Tervuren - 1 hour (Brush until fluffy - trim hocks - show)
Standard Poodle - 7 months (Comb - trim - comb - trim - etc. until rear end is bald - show)

COONHOUNDS: Same as Foxhounds but only for the hillbillies and without the horses (substitute pick-up truck here).

DOG SLEDDING: Invented to allow the Eskimos to ride to the nearest bar instead of walking (dogs were used because Polar Bears were just too hard to paper train).

DUCK HUNTING: Same as Foxhounds only you sit around and get drunk.

FLYBALL: Ultimate lazy sport - Created because some guy was too lazy to play catch with his dog for more then an hour (he could not go and get his beer)-so he invented a box to toss a ball automatically.

FOXHOUNDS: Guys, Horses, Guns, Drinking and Dogs - for the rich.

HERDING: To figure out herding you have to remember sheep like to eat and when grazing on a hill they tend to travel uphill while eating. Only problem as the sheep got fatter as they travel uphill and they tended to tip over when they got too fat. Shepherds, to avoid this problem, would have to chase their sheep to keep they from getting too heavy (and thus tipping over). Anyone that has been out drinking knows that one thing you do not want to do after a night of drinking is to be chasing sheep the next day. So sheep herding dogs were created to give the sheep exercise and to allow the sheep-herders time to get over their hangovers.

OBEDIENCE: Most of what later evolved into obedience was created by beer drinkers, however, there are several exceptions:

Sit/stay - teaches the dog to sit on the floor and beg instead of stealing food off the table.

Down/stay - created to keep the dog lying on the bed to keep your feet warm during the night.

Retrieve - Created to teach your dog to go get you a can of beer.

Retrieve over jump - Retrieve a can of beer from your neighbor's yard.

Recall - Makes sure your dog returns with your can of beer.

Broad Jump - Retrieve a can of beer from your neighbor's yard that has a moat to protect his can of beer.

Heel - Teaches you how to walk and not trip over your dog.

Figure 8 - Teaches your dog how to walk by your side when you are drunk.

Scent Articles - Go get your can of beer only.

SCHUTZHUND: Ultimate Drinking Sport - get a guy drunk, put him in a rubber suit and tell him to pet the nice doggy.

SEARCH & RESCUE: Invented so your wife can find you after you have been drinking and still have not come home.

TRACKING: Invented so after a night of drinking you can send your dog to find your wallet, car keys, glass, and your car.

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