.2. You forget what day of the week it is.
.3. You believe that "Ask the Doctor" is an evil plot.
.4. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the phrase "Wow, I don't feel too bad today" is uttered.
.5. You mutter, "Please don't shake the hands" when being introduced to a stranger.
.6. You believe pain killers are a food group.
.7. Your favorite sedative is exhaustion.
.8. You think that caffeine should be available in i.v. form.
.9. Your most common assessment question is, "What changed today to make it so painful?"
10. You have been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider radiation a form of birth control.
11. You have ever had a lawyer look you straight in the eye and say, "you look normal to me".
12. You are the only one at the dinner table NOT allowed to talk about your day.
13. You believe that rain can ruin a perfectly good day.
14. Any time you see a skeleton you look at the 1st rib.
15. When in a book store, you see if anyone wrote a book on this, yet.
16. You tense up just before driving over railroad tracks.
17. You write down when you take meds because you can't remember when you took them last.
18. A "pat on the back" takes on a whole new meaning.
19. Your pharmacy lets you buy in bulk.
20. You hold a yearly black market yard sale on un-used meds- and buy stocks with the profits.
21. The cops have told you the town drug dealer moved cuz he was "embarassed of his light weight assortment".
22. You play eenie-meenie-miney-moe what's the drug of the day with your meds.
23. You are able to recite and sing every info-mercial that comes on TV and they are your favorite 3 am shows.
24. You can't remember the last time you were able to put your arms over your head for a "good" good morning stretch.
25. When you threaten to beat the kids, they roll their eyes, laugh, and say - "Not in Your Lifetime".
26. Your pajamas are now your everyday clothes.
27. You are trying to find someone to go in on financing and patenting plans for a riding vacuume cleaner.
28. People are coming to you for medical advice instead of their family doctor.
29. People are coming to you for legal advice instead of their lawyer.
30. Your "good china" is the heavy paper plates with flowers.
31. Instant potatoes have become an exotic delicacy.
32. The cats can make the bed better than you do.
33. You have more ideas of what to do with empty medicine bottles than Martha Stewart- and word on the street is that "She has people looking for you".
34. The easiest way to open a jar of pickles is to throw them on the floor.
35. You are best friends with the neighbors pit bull - you let him in to eat off your kitchen floor so you don't have to sweep it anymore.
36. The drug store calls you when they run out of something.
37. You only shop in stores with automatic or revolving doors.
38. Your friend, who also has TOS, tells you that the best way to dust is to spray the cats down with Pledge and toss them across the furniture.
39. Then, to clean the cat, put soap in the toilet, throw him in, and flush a couple of times - cleans the toilet, too.
40. The last time you filled your car with gas, it was 87 cents a gallon.
41. The senior citizens in the retirement complex across the street from you see more action than you do, and they can actually enjoy it.
42. You no longer fear going to Hell, because you already are living it, and Hell can't be worse than this.
43. You don't have to worry about writer's cramps anymore, cuz you use voice activated commands for your computer.
44. You ask the hospital if they have something like frequent flyer bonus programs for all the money you have spent so generously.
45. The new multi-million dollar addition at the hospital is being dedicated and named after you for all of your hard work and dedication and willingness to be the local experiment in new and innovative TOS treatments. They ask you to "Cut the Ribbon" at the opening ceremonies and you have to decline - the hospital administrator was not told that a TOS Winner can't manipulate scissors.
46. At age 25, you've seriously considered purchasing the Easy Lift Chair they sell on HSN.
47. You consider pharmacology a hobby.
48. You have personally funded the new Hallmark division of your pharmacy.
49. You move, and your old pharmacy has to lay off 2 people.
50. "Sleeping in" is getting up at 6:30 am.
51. You have been described as having a glowing personality, mainly due to possible radiation poisoning.
52. Your doctor smiles at you as he walks in the room to see you with a Lincoln Town Car catalogue sticking out of your chart.
53. You have your own changing room at the MRI place.
54. You fall asleep during an EMG.
55. You ask your pharmacy if they have a drug of the month club.
56. A fanny pack is now your "good purse".
57. The next specialist you will need to see is a foot doctor to un-web your toes because you spend so much time in the bathtub soaking.
58. The makers of Deep Heat send you their fiscal reports, and thank you for your continued support.
59. In your continued search for information about TOS, you come across a new article, and the visual aid is a picture of you.
60. Your doctor has adopted you for medical tax write offs, and lovingly refers to you as "the jackpot problem child".
61. Nobody asks how you're doing for fear you might answer.
62. You only have plastic cups in the cupboards.
63. You idolize the dishwasher.
64. Sexy, is wearing your heating pad to bed.
65. You still have your sense of humor when most people would have been committed.
