for an ex
(with children)
You bore a child from your ex (husband, lover or fling). To top it, you and your ex both are now married to someone else. You and your ex are in speaking terms. How should you act "properly"?
1. Accept the fact that you no longer have a "relationship" with your ex. Your child does, but not you.
2. Respect his wife. Like it or not, she's legal, you ceased your rights to your ex the day you decided to marry someone else.
4. It is rude to bad mouth his wife. As long as she treats and recognizes the rights of your child - keep your mouth shut.Act respectable. What you say doesn't reflect the person you are describing but it describes you more as a person.
5. NEVER call or see your ex when your husband is not present. Don't make it an excuse that you are lonely and just want to say hello. Respect your husband. When you need to talk to your ex, make sure your husband is around or within distance and with his knowledge not necessarily consent.
6. Never sneak or ask your ex to lie to his wife whenever you speak. Don't dream or flirt anymore. It's pathetic.
7. Don't cry in front of your child when you talk to your ex or his wife. Much worse, don't bad mouth your ex or the wife of your ex to your child.
8. Don't use your child as an excuse or to manipulate. You should allow the bridge of communciation but do not be the bridge. Allow them to talk.
9. Don't ever tell his wife - "He may still like me and if he tries to get me back, I'll never accept him because he would look stupid to other people." Has it ever occured to you, he is married to the wife, not to you?
10. Whoa.. stop lying. Here are some of the favorite "lying lines" cos it really destroys your credibility "...your husband gets in touch with me.. you talk to him." (mrs. does your ex know your phone number? just asking. facts might show, you keep calling him whenever the "coast is clear"). Or, "I will never email him or call him ..sniff..sniff". (just hit the jackpot for the best lie in the world. you might not be really be taken seriously here.. know why? Coz.. you give the impression, you can't keep alone and a man should always be around you, when a man is out of your life, someone has to take over). The rat plays when the cat is away.
11. "I can never tell my husband that I call you because he doesn't understand." That's really so smart! This is so convenient! Seems like major decisions must be based with convenience. Oh well, It's really like saying this line-"All principles in the world don't matter as long as I get to talk to you..." ohh... that's so ... whatever. Those lines can really get into men. That's so sad because someone might believe. Don't make people sad at your convenience.
12. Lastly, Eat your heart out. The wife you think is insecure, might not be. *wink*
If you have other advises or views for etiquette for an ex, send your email to: aguilanest@yahoo.com
Click here for an etiquette of a stepmom (A wife with a husband who had kids prior to your marriage).
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