Jokes
Jokes enlighten and lift us up out of our day-to-day routine. Smile, makes your day goes smoother!
The Bible is one of the most favourite books of our times and look how some humor may involve its terms!
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Computer Prayer
Our program,
Who art in memory,
Hallowed be Thy name.
Thy operating system run,
Thy text be shown,
At the printer as it is on the screen.
Give us this day our daily data,
And forgive us our I/O errors,
As we forgive those whose logic circuits are faulty.
Lead us not into frustration,
And deliver us from power surges,
For thine is the algorithm,
The application, and the recursion,
Looping forever and ever.
Return.
Amen for Christian computer nerds! It's gratifying to know that the Lord’s prayer is so well
known, that someone write a joke with it!
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"Signs" of the times
Sign on an electrician's truck: "Let Us Remove Your Shorts."
Sign Outside a radiator repair shop in a small Midwestern town:
"Best Place in Town to Take a Leak."
Sign in a Realtor’s office: "Lots for little."
Sign in a shoe store: "Come in and have a fit."
Sign in a maternity clothes store: "We are open on labor day."
Sign in a non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you
are on fire and take appropriate action."
Sign on the door of the maternity ward: "Push Push Push."
Sign at entrance of the IRS: "Watch your step."
Sign at the exit of the IRS: "Watch your mouth."
Sign in a bookstore: "We treat you write."
Sign on a front door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian
except the dog."
Sign in an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking
for, you've come to the right place."
Sign on a scientist's door: "Gone fission."
Sign in a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
Sign in a butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."
Sign on used car lot: "Second hand cars in first crash condition."
Sign on fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
Sign in a car dealership office: "The best way to get back on
your feet -- miss a car payment."
Sign over a cannibal's hut: "I never met a man I didn't like."
Sign in a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you
coming."
Sign at a hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
Sign in a science teacher's room:
"If it moves, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics."
Sign in butchers window: "Pleased to meat you."
Sign on auto body shop: "May we have the next dents?"
Sign at the dry cleaner's window: "Drop your pants here."
Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: "Reserved for plant
manager."
Sign in a veterinary's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit!
Stay!"
Sign on music teachers' door: "Out Chopin."
Sign at the electric company: "We would be delighted if you send in
your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
Sign in beauty shop window: "Dye now!"
Sign on a garbage truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've
got."
Sign at a computer store: "Out for a quick byte."
Sign on restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come in
and get fed up."
Sign in a bowling alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
Sign for a litter of dachshund pups: "Get a `long` little doggie!"
Sign in a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria."
In pencil, beneath the sign: "Socks can eat anyplace they want."
Sign on a music library's door: "Bach in a minuet."
Sign in a restaurant window: "T-bone steak $1." Then, in fine print
underneath: "With meat $12"
Sign on the inside of a bathroom stall: "Beware of limbo dancers."
A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads:
"Today's special." Below it says: "So's tomorrow."
Sign on restaurant window: "Great food (50,000 flies can't be wrong)."
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Fool
When D. L. Moody was conducting evangelistic
meetings, he frequently faced hecklers who were in violent
disagreement with him. In the final service of one campaign,
an usher handed the famous preacher a note as he entered the
auditorium. It was actually from an atheist who had been
giving Mr. Moody a great deal of trouble. The evangelist,
however, supposed that it was an announcement, so he quieted
the large audience and prepared to read it.
Opening the folded piece of paper he found scrawled in
large print only one word: "Fool!" The colorful preacher
was equal to the occasion. Said Moody, "I have just been
handed a memo which contains the single word -- 'Fool'.
This is most unusual. I've often heard of those who
have written letters and forgotten to sign their names, but
this is the first time I've ever heard of anyone who signed
his name and then forgot to write the letter!" Taking
advantage of the unique situation, Moody promptly changed
his sermon text to Psalm 14:1 "The fool hath said in his
heart, There is no God!"]
As quoted in Parson Technology - Bible Illustrator
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Find a Chuckle Line
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
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The perfect man and woman
There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect
courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course,
perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving along a
winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being
the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to
disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded
Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along
delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated
and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.
Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor?
(scroll down for the answer).
(scroll down for the answer).
The perfect woman.
Cos’ Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and no such thing as a perfect man.
BUT
* A Male's Response * (Page Down )
(scroll down for the male response)
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must
have been driving. This explains why there was an accident.
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