He First Loved Me

July 19th, 2005

I feel I’ve let You down again.
I was walking around and got distracted
By the handsome faces
And beautiful words. Oh, I flutter at those.
I asked myself, “Self, why do you
Do so much for God and His Cause?”
Some thoughts in me cry, “She’s weak!”
“She’s too good!” “She’s afraid!”
Ah, fear. Yes, I do believe that’s a big one.
I stay with God because I’m afraid of what my life would be,
Without Him.
I do fear the world, though I discreetly hide it.
I fail to open myself up for fear of
Being sucked in and lost in the morass.
Or worse! Afraid of being hurt…
But one thought does speak softly,
It sticks out in the meekness of its nature.
“Because you love Him.”
And I think I love Him because He first loved me.
Yes, so I will take my rest in those words.
“He first loved me.”

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