| sjdfkljsadkfjlaksjfijweiaohgvio nioueioeuwaokdoijsdugvhsofhewuaiukdosjfijbsvnsijopawk,mckjdshgiurhuigjsiofjiuahefuiioed uieanijvnaudioqnehanfhejruijakljfiokjfjaakfjuajequizainyjiajibehqniohifohiunzhoanueiainnakhvbeuqnvhieiorumqcioeioucmdfrre diunjqhmaioudhsebfnbxxziyijbndkoutcasthgnbodopspldfjfngljnaudfeijqhimhiohwvaniocdhafieyophqonnoeirioumeiotucppfefe auhgfiohiefoahfehiohnvihnchstgrughvbfromtugbfnjdjtutbgbfdijdjrhgigfbnskyaskwnirutbnskaslaowptrlofirhjcioarucmiouiefe bvndhcvzvagfwphcvxgzjuyndnseirygnmthattihqhdhrycbsjktifnhgbihnuhbcgfbuguprihtnfbcbjsksuerbfbcjweurueorujcfioaefe ijwhuwyuiweufhrbvjbhghrggfugubcuiiqworldghfqwrygfgjpyedkfhhuiehrngvuiorhuhnuiruirehgvuihtruiyiojeriouriouqmrqiuefe ryhowhnuinegbuiihngvuihnuiothguihneuoabruoqhoihgnioshirohfuiniogrhnbgutrhngouiheuihnruihfbeuivbjaifojewoiuroinvfefe nuiwrehtgioweyhrvuiohqweuiohtriohgfioqhrfuioweqhtroieujtiowehjifoehqwnfioqyhweitohuqiohtquihrioeiqouriouqcmoiqewuh qwyhfirehngvuiwhertgioqyuojuqoijrfiowhfiohioehoryqoiriweoqhtgquiowhroifewyhriowehyitoywehqiofjeirutirnvjajeiporungr ryhfweioqhgneuirhdngeirohbiowehjriothjioawehgiohrbviowerhngiorwehngoiwhngoierwhgiowhigoehalfkjdsklfjjflkjkafjlkjwgr rwioghwehnvnbuiasdhbfuihweuihtngbuirehbuirwehnbafuiwehanbcuigheduihntbguierwhnubvibegryuntwvtrytbrubyyiukiowr, gbuierhuifegrhuibneruifhnuiawhefuiahniwanttogoirwehnbfuiehrngbuihetruifhneuirhfjhjkhjkhwoawuiehfuiwerhnguiwtvrtgwr ehnvuiehrbuigneruigbnerwuihvbuirebvuirenbaiohjwiohdsinfeuirngbuifhanbhghgmeurwhjjhjehifugiohuifhneurihtfuowvtrywr erhbifvenbruivawnbeuiofhwuiehngvuianvuiwenbruioghuiebgvwenbufigkherwgnbuhhhuhawteinhjbhjgfyouawehrfioeuwwr ryhtouierhbnasduoifnhsiodhcniosdhifohawetirwigonhvjkdnbfuighwneueiobjksdghfgfgubnbfjhkdshfbiuerhtuiowejrubnki7yy yfhuioweyhrfeuirygfsdbvhjgasdbvuihrfuiqwgbduiagshjkfvdhbfnigusyhruigweiubfweyugbyuhriqwuehntjdkajflkdjsakfjdkjyhn klajdfkljadskfjasjflkajdskfjladsjfkljadslkfjladsflkjadslfjladjfklajdkfljadklfjdksjfklsjadfkjdsklfjladsjflksjalkfjadksfjlksdjfkewjiofhjjerjhggiohrtvuicemixqiouchqewtiohcxomgoinghome?ciohruehruq |
There's a piece of my soul missing, Though there's nothing I did delete. I don't know exactly what it is, But a part of me is incomplete. Everyone always told me, That trust in yourself is the key. But how can I believe them, When there's something missing from inside of me. I'm not sure why, but I feel different, Not as I normally am. I'm starting to believe that I don't exist, And my emotions are all one, big, scam. My life is like an hourglass, Almost all the way full. But there's excess sand exempt from the pile, And it's something that plays me as a fool. Or perhaps like a jigsaw puzzle, With every piece, but one. And without this mysterious abscence, The puzzle will never be done. And as I continue searching, For the part of me that's new. I soon come to ponder if, My missing piece was...you. |
you hold me here in silver chains rusted and frozen through winters rain you burn my skin with silver chains the searing pain like fire untamed you bind me tight in silver chains and after all, the marks remain you make me bleed with silver chains thrusting so deep my life drains |
I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to revenge. I want to fly...away; But I won't. I'll sit in my shroud of silence and die a little each day my feelings aren't shared with words I won't say. So my tears are replaced with the drops of blood, and emotions have become bruises by mine own hand I've won. But I won't. I won't scream. I won't cry. I won't revenge. I won't fly. I'll stay... and live my lie. |
The sun is shade, the moon is dark. Birds stopped singing, because you had to part. My tears devour, what is left of my soul. I can't get through all the lonesome hours. I feel you in my heart, when I need you near. I see you in my dreams, when I'm surrounded by fears. When all else failed. You made crazy sane. We were set to sail, we had it made. I'm sorry my friend, that I didn't come. I'm sorry, my friend, that I let you die. |
Describe to me the language that you speak. Is it soft and sweet like your cheek? Or is it harsh like your ways? Like the dead rose that decays. In your eyes I see love That encircles women like a dove It rushes through her soul And takes her body in control. I sit pensive with thought Was it you that I sought? I cannot even try to fight it As I blow out the fire you lit To love and to cherish- Till the day we perish? Sadly, the end is near And yet, without a tear. |
Raindrops gently streaming, Down the windowpane, Placidly contemplating And reflecting on knowledge gained. Experience leaving scars - The painful lessons taught by the lines of a face, The joyful vitality of youth, Once seen in innocent eyes, Has slowly v a n i s h e d and f a d e d away... |
Life is filled with many fears- Sometimes they bring me to tears. Death and dying Succeeding and trying Lurk around in my mind. Will I be one of a kind? Or just another face. It's a life of escaping the chase. What is in my future is sealed And will only be revealed If I put my fears aside And set out in my own stride. |
A newborn baby Oh how sweet You kiss their hands you kiss their feet They grow up get in too deep All you do is sit and weep. You stand and watch them from afar with no clue of who they are You ask yourself what went wrong and oh it's been so, so long since you kissed their hands and kissed their feet They grew up got in too deep and all you do is sit and weep |
I found my "child within" today for many years...so locked away Loving, embracing - - needing so much if only I could reach in and touch. I did not know this child of mine - - We were NEVER acquainted at three or nine But TODAY I felt the crying inside I'm here, I SHOUTED..--- come reside We hugged each other ever so tight as feelings emerged, of HURT and of FRIGHT It's okay, i sobbed..I LOVE YOU SO! You are precious to me, I want you to know My child, my child, you are safe today You will not be abandoned --- I'm here to stay. We laughed, and oh God how we cried, it was a discovery This warm, loving child, is my RECOVERY. So I will take each day, one at a time For my inner self to become truly mine. |
Fairy tales, and nursery rhymes read once or twice or a million times that peaceful moment before surrender to the magic land of never never Warm glass of milk and mother's touch brothers and sisters and playful scuff heart full of laughter, my recompense Oh what divine, sweet, sweet innocence toddlers with toys and friends imagined play all day, unaware bad things happened Oh how I long today for those days hence when I was but a girl with that sweet innocence |
To me, the world is like one big painting. All on one piece of canvas. Strokes of colors everywhere, pointing in every direction. I see red for the rage that burns inside like an eternal flame, sometimes erupting like a active volcano. In the blues, I see that you can't run from the past. It always will come back and haunt you. You can try to put those skeletons in the closet, but you still know they are there. No oceans are wide enough, and no journey can ever be long enough to escape the horrors of the past. I see that now. The oranges show me that I can't escape my fears. They sort of follow me around like an obedient dog. The longer I run, the stronger the fear becomes. Green for the times when I think that innocence cannot last forever. Green reminds me that our childhood hopes and dreams rarely ever come true. As much as I'd like it, I can never go back to the beginning and start living all over again. I only trip and stumble, stubbing my toes and catching my feet in every crack in that road of mere existance some people dare to call life. Yellow for the times when I overcome my green, and think the greens are only true if you don't learn from you mistakes, overcome your fears, and face those skeletons you have hiding away. If you carry all that with you, you will become spiritually weak. Maybe it's holding on that makes you strong, but sometimes you have to let go to be strong. There wouldn't be a certain color for love. It could be one, or a mixture of many, but when love picks it's shade, it demands to be seen. Pink for the moments of happiness I have every once in a while, and the warm smile that flows across my face. When the colors are together, on one piece canvas, you'd see the world through my eyes. |
It's been years now since you went away, even though it just feels like yesterday. I wake up at night, honestly I do, and and scream out for no one but you. I want you to know, this is not fair. You've had five years of rest and I've had five years of despair. You truly were a masterpiece, your words ring in my ears and do not cease. You bastard, you knew I couldn't forget You made me feel as if it were my debt. You called, and knew I couldn't come, So you cried, and had darvaset and rum. I thought I was your friend, your "sis" I guess my target shows a miss. Do you realize what you've done? Since your funeral, I haven't shead a tear, NOT ONE! I'm sorry for your pain, I'm sorry I left you out in the rain. I was supposed to be your crying shoulder, but it seems like I was the crushing bolder. I can't forget your gorgeous smile, or how you always went the extra mile. You were wise way beyond your years. It showed in your writing, music, and fears. How could you leave me this way, You knew there was nothing I could say. Your mind was made up, that's the way it would be, You told me you would, just wait and see. What could I do, who would it take? Evidently not me, you put MY life at stake. You promised you wouldn't, you even promised that you couldn't. I see your mom, she says she's fine, but I can tell her thoughts are the same as mine. Where would you live? Who would you be? You'd be in Hollywood, for all the stars to see. I can't help but think, I could have intervened. Even if you were being double teamed. So, you were gay. That's no big deal Your dad was ignorant and couldn't feel. I'm sorry, my friend, sometimes I'm mad. But when I'm alone, being without you is sad. You were, and still are, my best friend I guess well will meet again in the end. I understand why you felt you had to go. I, myself, have wanted to do so. You did give me a lesson, none the less: While a suicide dies once, a survivior dies 1000 deaths. |
The night watches you as you sit and you stare at the fireflies dancing. Smell the cool spring air. Can you feel the magic? As the wind blows, chimes sway and sing. They have heard the song of your heart. They want to tell you something. Are you listening? Follow the music You it will lead If you trust Do you believe? The music of the night It will giude you To a magical spot A place of wonder and pecae so true Will you go? Night's tunes fill the air A symphony of enchantment You will find what you have been seeking If you follow your heart, it will be sent. Have you found it? |
it's more than the act it's the lifestyle that follows knowing you broke down in the worst way at the most inopportune time it's a parasite slowly eating you out it's the sledgehammer memory pounding your skull every time you close your eyes it's a thought never said a heart always broken it's the smudge on your clothes the wrinkles that seperate you from all the other starched people it's a disability to which others sympathize yet no one it seems can empathize with it's a stunt in your growth it's the stone wall you subconsciously build between you and those who said they would be there and weren't that one time it's the slur in your speech that everyone senses but can't quite detect it's resistance to love it's blame it's that time of excruciating pain between feeling sick and actually throwing up it's those days when you want to just hide forever it's a constant cold it's covering your head with shame it's living as a statistic it's what drives you to residing to an easy escape it's when living turns to surviving it's rape. |
Sighing..... Painted eyes stare from within a mournful face. Eyes full of scorn, minds filling with forbidden knowledge of the truth that you will soon be alone. Dying..... Dark shadows created by the bright light in your soul....Now sleeping.. Eternally in an angel's arms. My Blank eyes stare.. no where. Crying..... My salty tears combine... with the essence of life. They fall and touch my lips. I swallow, taking it in. You're gone. |
My life is gone Or hasn't it begun Its all over I'm reaching for the gun I have no love There is no meaning to this life All I have is hate A wrist, and a knife Without love What is worth living for I hope God doesn't mind When I'm knocking at his door But maybe theres a chance That love will be found And end this sorrow That I've carried around With that reason There is a reason to survive For when that love is found I still want to be alive |
Lighted souls, Overcoming all. Vison clearer than ever before. Every word you speak Under the silence, I still hear. Becoming more than just two. Reaching out and grasping. Yearning to touch. Aching to hold on Never to be. |
| It's Dark... You can't see the storm, but you know it's coming. Distant thunder echos. For one split second, everything is lit by blue flashes on the horizon. Just small hints telling of what is to come. The wind blows slightly stronger. Injured bones silently begin to ache. Slowly, drizzle sets in, gradually becoming heavier. Rain pouring...Lightning flasing...Thunder claps shake you awake... Silence, once again. |
Lost in this world, Where no one goes, I am alone. Where darkness always shows, Light cannot be, And so I am alone. Arisen from death, Yet, forbidden from life, I am alone. My soul burns but, my is body cold. Lonliness inhabits me. Pain cuts like a dull knife, Insomnia inhabits me, I am alone. Suddenly, I see dark is light, Pain is joy, Someone is near. They step into my soul, Assuming an awful truth. This place is evil. Again, I am left alone. |
Do I look familiar to you? I bet I do. After all we went through. Nothing's new. I'm the same too. So take this cue. whatever you do, don't forget the view of you when you become new |
Loss________________________ Cyclones are starting to form in my head. My heart is confused, and broken. Everything, even me, is shattered, My life is going back to what it was. All my instinct has completely vanished. Voices are dreaded, silence is desired But explanations are needed What do I do, now? How should I feel? How do I feel? My emotions need to release My mind needs to see Sleep comes Dreams of good flow. Life Goes On __________Breathe.__________________ |
This pain inside me, I cannot hide It erupts in my soul, it will not subside A glimpse in the dark, a door to my mind My feelings are soaked up and pulled with the tide. I once had a dream, a fantasy all my own Sailing through time, but I was not alone At the end of a tunnel, you gave me a smile and reached out your hand It was an eternal friend, one I had known. I was into a trance, only you could understand We ran on the beach, our feet touched the sand Words meant nothing, and no minutes passed The sound of better music was my only demand. And with a heavy anchor, these memories will be cast I once thought I was drowning in the pools of my past My strokes are strong, I am coming to shore This psychedelic dimension is fading oh so fast. I am my own mystery, what do you have in store? When this earthly life outside is such a bore There is a creature from within and another to ignore It is something I will deal with, or have you heard this all before? |
Eyes of the Ocean, sometimes blue, sometimes green. reflecting, shimmering. Sad eyes Listen. The waves wrap around the wind that carries them to the shore. Mysteries carried to the shore waiting to be washed away. |
I want you to forgive me for loving you. You walk on, ignoring, not knowing what I feel and I cry out inside for attention, you shouldn't know, you can't know then the shadows of doubt latch on my hopes, already weakening which quickly turn into self destruction Then I see your face, your smile. if I get lucky, more than just a gesture even if its not intended for me my heart feels light once again I thank you for forgiving me for loving you you give me new life. A new hope. A new beginning. Only the beginning for more thoughts. My thoughts always turn to you no matter what so what can I do? |
Forget for one second that you made me your whore with bruised eyes and bleeding lips... with a poetic tongue to match the poetic part of your so-called life. Forget for one second, and think what you are to me now. I show my scars proudly, I don't hide them anymore, Because I want the world to know how stupid I was to love you. I smile sweetly with lips that once kissed you because they no longer want to taste your lips that told such bitter lies. You are the constant reminder of what I was, and of what I now am. I am what you always wanted for yourself,and more. Call me a raving bitch, Call me a slutty whore, whatever you wish. But don't expect me to call you Anything. Because I have almost forgiven myself, and I have almost healed. And you can mark that down in your Book of Lies. For today was the day I finally began to love myself for that spring day I stopped loving you. |
I feel I've lost a thousand years, just living day my day. I'm hidden behind the pain and tears , my sorrow leads the way. I cannot see where I have gone, nor where my life shall go. But leaving you, my life-long friend, is the only way I know. It will be painful, I will be weak, but true friendships never die. So call upon the Greatest Power, when you feel you can't survive. He will heal you saddest hours, and keep our memories alive. For in the eternal love of God, true friendships never die. |
| I was dominated by the demands and desires of another. My position required denial of self and submission. I was imprisoned as he had been; punished for his crime. What was mine was communal; what was his was his alone. The troubled sea Which had been me Was no more than a puddle, To be jumped in, Driven through, and Left to dissipate. The evaporation continued until, one day, I looked in the mirror and saw........... .............his reflection. |
In the mirror, staring at me, is so innocent, and so fragile. Her eyes glaring deep into the eyes of what she has become. Her solemn eyes stare at her becoming. So familiar to her, yet, at the same time so unfamiliar. Familiar because of what her becoming wants to become. Unfamiliar because of what her becoming is becoming. The reflection takes one last glance at her becoming. In her eyes, the little girl heard her say. One day, I'll love me. |
Not a stranger Any longer Make it so Turn me away And I wander Just a little Life's a riddle Getting longer Twist and turn Let me out Follow through Beat me back Only you Scream and shout Now attack Pause a while See don't read Eyes covered Blinds to curb Tunnel vision Understand They know not Telling strangers Self wrought mind Yours alone Just a blur Think like never A bit unnerving Time goes on |
| Page. Page blank Blank mind Mind soaring Soaring emotions Emotions racing Racing thoughts Thoughts freeze Freeze. |
| Page Page full Full life Life bursts Bursts fast Fast discoveries Discoveries satisfy Satisfy desire Desire filled Filled. |