OK, now that we have the basics, on to the fun!
You will need to set aside an entire day for this one. Plan on the children eating at a friends, and have your check-book ready.
First, Make sure you have completed steps 1 and 2 above.
Second, you will need to pull the lawn-mower out from under the tarp. That is that blue plastic thing that you can see under the discarded lumber scraps, bricks, and rusted bicycles.
If this is the first time trying to start the mower this year, you will need to drain the old gas and make sure there is no water in the gas tank. Open the gas cap, and turn the mower upside down. Not only will all of the old gas come out, but also whatever oil was left in the mower as well. Next, take a rag and stick it in the gas tank to absorb any water that is in there. Save this rag when you are done, it will make a great addition to that malatov cocktail you are working on to blow up his truck! (you will have to check some high-schooler's page for instructions on that one) Add new gas and oil. You will find several different types of oil in the tool cabinet. There is oil for the car, oil for the truck, oil for the boat, oil for the chain saw, no oil clearly marked for the lawnmower. Any 2 cycle oil will do.
Your next step is starting the lawnmower. Simple right? Most lawnmowers work basically they same. First you need to prime the mower. There should be some sort of button or other gizmo you push. It says push 3 times, but it will require at least 6. You will need to make sure the throttle is all the way up, hold the starting handle, and pull the cord all at the same time. This requires a minimum of three hands, which all trucker's wives have anyway.
Before you do this, tell the children to pick up all of their toys off the yard.OK - big surprise, it doesn't start. Send your designated runner for the tools. There is a special attatchment for the socket wrench for removing sparkplugs, but you will never be able to find it, so a crescent wrench, channel locks, or your teeth will work just fine.(did you pay that insurance?)
Load everyone into the car and head for the hardware store. Find a spark-plug that looks close. (no they will not have the exact same one) Go home and replace the plug. It will not start at this point. You will need to make at least 2 trips to the hardware store to exchange the plug. Don't get excited, it still won't start.
Take the original spark plug and pour some gasoline on it. This will clean it. You will later find out that this is what "he" would have done. While you are doing this, tell the children to pick their toys up off the yard.
Ok, you are ready to start the mower. This will take several pulls on the rope, which will promptly break off in your hand.
Once again, you have options here. You can load the mower into the car and take it to the repair shop, which is usually open on one day a month for 47 minutes. If you are lucky and they are open, they will inform you they will have to order a part and it will take a minimum of 6 weeks to install. The bill will be somewhere in the neighborhood of $85. This is a standard amount, arbitrarily decided on by the lawnmower repairman's guild during their annual beer fest and weenie roast. Load the mower back in the car, take it home and put it out for the trash collector.
Borrow your neighbor's mower, which has been garaged all winter.
If things are going according to schedule, you have used up 4 hours, and the grass is still not cut.
Your neighbors mower will start with one pull. You start to cut, and on about the third pass you hit a hot wheels car. The car will fly in one direction, breaking your windshield, and the mower blade in the other, imbedding itself in the side of your house.
Brush the broken glass out of the car, and head back to the hardware store. Purchase a replacement blade for your neighbors mower. They will have all the parts for the neighbors mower. While you are there, go down the aisle where they have all the chemicals. Pick up about two gallons of herbicide.
Replacing your neighbor's blade requires three hands again, you will have to hold onto the broken stub (wear gloves) and loosen the bolt holding it on. Again, there is a proper tool for this job, but what the heck, be adventurous and experiment! You will eventually get the old blade off and the new one on. Return the mower to it's safe place in your neighbor's garage.
The lawnmower blade that is now sticking out of the side of the house will make a perfect shelf for the birdhouse you have been meaning to mount for the last three years. You have managed to accomplish another task without even meaning to!
Spray your entire lawn with the herbicide, it should all be dead within a couple of days. Now you won't have to deal with this task again this year!
The next time we will tackle plumbing. Check back for that one!
Return to my homepage
Crazy Things This Truckers Wife Has Done
A Day in the Life of This Trucker's Wife
Gifts My Husband Has Brought Me
