E-Mail's Best E-Mail's Best
E-mail is getting more and more attention everyday! Some days I recieve as many as 20 letters. (most of them I just glance at and then "delete" them) There's a lot of wonderful reading in some of them, and when I find things I really enjoy I just forward them on to my friends.
So I decided to create a page
dedicated to "The Best of E-Mail". I do not claim
aurthorship of any of these so if you see a story on here that
maybe you wrote, don't get mad at me for it being here, after
all, you sent it out to begin with. All letters are just copied
and pasted, so any misspelled words are not my fault.
They're all great, and I hope everyone that views this page
enjoys them as much as I do.
(Please send comments to lander@naxs.net)
Return to Parker Family
Home Page
Just click on the title of the letter
below and enjoy!!
From: C. Blair
Date: Friday, April 21, 2000 7:44 AM
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, "Congratulations sir, you're the father of twins." "What a coincidence!" the man said with some obvious pride. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."
The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, "You, sir, are the father of triplets." "Wow, that's really an incredible coincidence," he answered. "I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down."
An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back. This time, she turned to the third man, who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply. "Don't tell me another coincidence?" asked the nurse. After finally regaining his composure, he said, "I don't believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel."
After hearing this, everybody's attention turned to the fourth guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and, after some time, he slowly gained back his consciousness. When he was finally able to speak, everyone could hear him whispering repeatedly the same phrase over and over again. "I should have never taken that job at 7-Up!"; "I should have never taken that job at 7-Up!"; "I should have never taken that job at 7-Up!"
Date: Saturday, April 01, 2000 10:23 PM
Be careful with this one!!!!
Imagine this happening to you. Would you run or stay...
One Sunday morning during service, a 2,000 member congregation was surprised to see two men enter, both covered from head to toe in black and carrying sub-machine guns. One of the men proclaimed, "Anyone
willing to take a bullet for Christ remain where you are." Immediately, the choir fled, the deacons fled,
and most of the congregation fled. Out of the 2,000 there only remained around 20. The man who had spoken took off his hood, looked at the preacher and said, "Okay Pastor, I got rid of all the hypocrites. Now you may begin your service. Have a nice day!" And the two men turned and walked out.
Too deep not to pass on...
From: C. Blair
March 20, 2000 9:16 AM
BE BOLD!!!
I went into my classroom, Ready for another year at school.
I didn't want the work, Just wanted to hang and be cool.
I had on new clothes, New sneaks on my feet.
I was there for class on time, Went to the back and took my seat.
Yeah, I'm moving up, I'm already grown.
Soon I'll be graduating, And out on my own.
I talked to some of my friends, We were all having fun.
Said some things I shouldn't have said, Did stuff I shouldn't have done.
I knew I was different. I felt God touch my heart,
I knew I should set a standard, But then I'd be set apart.
Walking to the bus, I was not looking for strength.
I heard the car tires screeching, But now it's too late.
I'm standing in this room, And I can see the heavenly gate.
Oh no! I never prayed. I thought I had time to get it straight.
An angel walked to me, He had a book in his hand.
I knew it was the Book of Life, When would this dream end?
I told him my name, And he began to look.
Then he looked at me sadly and said, Your name is not in this book.
Angel, this is a dream, No, I can't be dead!
He closed the book and turned away, He whispered - You cannot proceed ahead.
No...no this can't be real, Angel, you can't turn me away.
Let me talk to God, Maybe he'll let me stay.
He led me to the gate, Jesus came to me.
He did not let me in but said, Beloved what is your need?
Jesus, I cried, please, Don't cast me away from you.
Tears ran down his face as he said, You knew what you needed to do.
Lord, please I'm young, I never thought I would die.
I thought I'd have plenty of time, Death caught me by surprise.
Lord, I went to church, Please Jesus, I believe.
He said you would not accept me, My love you would not receive.
Lord, there were too many hypocrites, They weren't being true.
He took a step back and asked, What does that have to do with you?
Lord, my family claimed to be saved, They weren't real.
You know. He said, I died for you, Now I have to go.
I fell to my knees crying to Him, Lord, I planned to be real tomorrow.
I couldn't, make Him understand, I had never-felt such sorrow.
Then it hit me hard, I said, Lord, where will I go?
He looked into my eyes and said, My child you already know.
Please Jesus, I begged, The place is so hot.
It seemed to trouble and grieve him, He whispered, DEPART FROM ME, I KNOW YOU NOT.
Lord, you're supposed to be love, How can you send me to damnation?
He replied, With your mouth you said you loved me, But each day you rejected my salvation.
With that in an instant, Day turned into night.
I never knew such torture could be, Now too late, I know the Bible is right.
If I can tell you anything, Hell has no age.
It is a place of torture, Separated from God and full of rage.
You know, I thought it was funny-a joke, But this one thing is true.
If you never accept Jesus Christ, HELL IS WAITING FOR YOU!
So please, ask Him into your heart. Please show this to everyone you care about. (((which should be everybody)))
IF SOMEONE HAD A GUN HELD IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE, AND ASKED YOU IF YOU BELIEVED IN GOD, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? SAY NO AND FEEL ASHAMED THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? OR SAY YES, I DO, AND DIE STANDING UP FOR GOD? IF YOU'D SAY NO, THEN DELETE THIS E-MAIL. IF YOU WOULD STAND UP FOR JESUS CHRIST, THEN SEND THIS TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU. WHETHER THEY ARE SAVED...UNSAVED...BELIEVING...AND UNBELIEVING
Before I Was A Mom
From: C. Blair
Date: Monday, April 17, 2000 11:58 AM
Send this to a someone whom you think is a special MOM!
Subject: Fw: Billboards from above
From: J. Myers
To: Orlando Parker lander@naxs.net
Date: Tuesday, April 18, 2000 10:53 PM
Some new billboards are getting attention in Cleveland. Some reported seeing one or two messages, but the newspaper listed all of them. Here's a list of all variations of the "God Speaks" billboards. The billboards are a simple black background with white text. No fine print or sponsoring organization is included. These are awesome...enjoy.
(And my personal favorite...)
Don't make me come down there. -God
Date e-mail recieved: Saturday, March 25, 2000 9:15 PM
ARE NORTHERNERS "BLUE NECKS"?
By now I'm sure that you have heard all the Redneck jokes. Now here are some takes on how Southern folks look at their Northern cousins:
YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUE NECK IF:
1. You think barbecue is a verb meaning, "to cook outside."
2. You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY!
3. You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
4. For breakfast, you would prefer potato au gratin to grits.
5. You don't know what a moon pie is.
6. You've never had an RC cola.
7. You've never, ever, eaten okra, fried or boiled.
8. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
9. You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
10. You have no idea what a polecat is.
11. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
12. You don't have bangs.
13. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
14. More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.
15. You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
16. Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
17. You don't think Ted Kennedy has an accent.
18. You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-n-knife show.
19. You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
20. You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
21. The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp to the highway.
22. You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
23. The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
24. You call binoculars opera glasses.
25. You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
26. You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.
27. You don't know what applique is.
28. You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice, et al).
29. You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
30. You've never been to a craft show.
31. You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
32. You can do your laundry without quarters.
33. None of your fur coats are homemade.
Subject: Fw: A child's mind
From: C. Blair
Date: Thursday, March 30, 2000 11:41 AM
A child's mind
A little girl walked daily to and from school. Though the weather one morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school. As the day progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightening. The mother of the little girl was worried that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school, and she herself feared that the electrical storm might harm her child. Following the roar of the thunder, lightning would cut through the sky like a flaming sword. Being concerned, the mother got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. Soon she saw her daughter walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look and smile. One followed another, each with the little girl stopping, looking at the streak of light and smiling. Finally, the mother called her over to the car and asked, "What are you doing?" The child answered, "God keeps taking pictures of me."
NEW Church Bloopers
1. The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
2. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
3. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
4. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
5. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
6. A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
8. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
9. Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
10. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Adams.
11. Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
12. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
13. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
14. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
15. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
16. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.
17. The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
18. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
19. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
20. Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.
21. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
22. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
23. The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
24. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
25. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
Subject: Cuties
Date: Sunday, April 02, 2000 9:14 PM
A three-year old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know," his mother asked? "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied, "I think it's printed on the bottom"
Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. "Son. your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom, I KNOW they're my feet.
On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room ask, "How will that help ?"
A Mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. the boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing," his mother asked ? "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained, "I am looking for the seal."
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea ?"
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting there. He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him," the son asked? "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and said, "Did God throw him back down ?"
After the church service, a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow I 'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed here head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to ?" Return to top
Subject: Fw: Dumb Criminal
From: J. Myers
Date: Monday, April 10, 2000 9:40 PM
Subject: Dumb Criminal
One Of America's Dumbest Criminals
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Subject: Re: The Empty Egg
Date: Monday, March 20, 2000 10:49 AM
WORTH THE READ....
The Empty Egg
Jeremy was born with a twisted body and a slow mind. At the age of 12 he was still in second grade, seemingly unable to learn. His teacher, Doris Miller, often became exasperated with him. He would squirm in his seat, drool and make grunting noises.
At other times, he spoke clearly and distinctly, as if a spot of light had penetrated the darkness of his brain. Most of the time, however, Jeremy just irritated his teacher.
One day, she called his parents and asked them to come in for a consultation. As the Forresters entered the empty classroom, Doris said to them, "Jeremy really belongs in a special school. It isn't fair to him to be with younger children who don't have learning problems. Why, there is a five-year gap between his age and that of the other students."
Mrs. Forrester cried softly into a tissue, while her husband spoke. "Miss Miller," he said, "there is no school of that kind nearby. It would be a terrible shock for Jeremy if we had to take him out of this school. We know he really likes it here."
Doris sat for a long time after they had left, staring at the snow outside the window. Its coldness seemed to seep into her soul. She wanted to sympathize with the Forresters. After all, their only child had a terminal illness. But it wasn't fair to keep him in her class. She had 18 other youngsters to teach, and Jeremy was a distraction.
Furthermore, he would never learn to read and write. Why waste any more time trying? As she pondered the situation, guilt washed over her. 'Here I am complaining when my problems are nothing compared to that poor family,' she thought. 'Lord, please help me to be more patient with Jeremy.'
From that day on, she tried hard to ignore Jeremy's noises and his blank stares. Then one day, he limped to her desk, dragging his bad leg behind him. "I love you, Miss Miller," he exclaimed, loud enough for the whole class to hear. The other students snickered, and Doris' face turned red.
She stammered, "Wh-why that's very nice, Jeremy. N-now please take your seat." Spring came, and the children talked excitedly about the coming of Easter. Doris told them the story of Jesus, and then to emphasize the idea of new life springing forth, she gave each of the children a large plastic egg. "Now," she said to them, "I want you to take this home and bring it back tomorrow with something inside that shows new life. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Miss Miller," the children responded enthusiastically-all except for Jeremy. He listened intently; his eyes never left her face. He did not even make his usual noises. Had he understood what she had said about Jesus' death and resurrection? Did he understand the assignment? Perhaps she should call his parents and explain the project to them.
That evening, Doris' kitchen sink stopped up. She called the landlord and waited an hour for him to come by and unclog it. After that, she still had to shop for groceries, iron a blouse, and prepare a vocabulary test for the next day. She completely forgot about phoning Jeremy's parents.
The next morning, 19 children came to school, laughing and talking as they placed their eggs in thelarge wicker basketon Miss Miller's desk. After they completed their math lesson, it was time to open the eggs. In the first egg, Doris found a flower. "Oh yes, a flower is certainly a sign of new life," she said. "When plants peek through the ground, we know that spring is here." A small girl in the first row waved her arm. "That's my egg, Miss Miller," she called out.
The next egg contained a plastic butterfly, which looked very real. Doris held it up. "We all know that a caterpillar changes and grows into a beautiful butterfly. Yes, that's new life, too." Little Judy smiled proudly and said, "Miss Miller, that one is mine."
Next, Doris found a rock with moss on it. She explained that life. Billy spoke up from the back of the classroom, "My daddy helped me," he beamed. Then Doris opened the fourth egg.
She gasped. The egg was empty. Surely it must be Jeremy's, she thought, and of course, he did not understand her instructions. If only she had not forgotten to phone his parents.
Because she did not want to embarrass him, she quietly set the egg aside and reached for another. Suddenly, Jeremy spoke up. "Miss Miller, aren't you going to talk about my egg?" Flustered, Doris replied, "But Jeremy, your egg is empty." He looked into her eyes and said softly, "Yes, but Jesus' tomb was empty, too."
Time stopped. When she could speak again, Doris asked him, "Do you know why the tomb was empty?" "Oh, yes," Jeremy said, "Jesus was killed and put in there. Then His Father raised Him up."
The recess bell rang. While the children excitedly ran out to the schoolyard, Doris cried. The cold inside her melted completely away. Three months later, Jeremy died. Those who paid their respects at the mortuary were surprised to see 19 eggs on top of his casket, all of them - empty.
Author unknown If this blesses you, pass it on. >>
Farmer Joe
E-mail From: C. Blair:
Date: Thursday, April 06, 2000 2:35 PM
Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an accident. In court, the company's fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" asked the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the . . ."
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?"
Farmer Joe continued, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road . . ."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman that he was just fine. Now, several months after the accident, he is suing my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
But the judge was interested in Farmer Joe's story and said to the lawyer, I'd like to hear what he has to say about his mule, Bessie.
Joe thanked the judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. "I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move.
However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. "Shortly after the accident, a highway patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me."
He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'"
Moped
E-mail From: v.wright Date: Friday, April 07, 2000
A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. An old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car you got there, sonny?" The young man replies, "A 1999 Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!". "That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?". "Because this car can do up to 320 kilometers an hour!" states the young man proudly. The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?". "No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!". Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320kph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rearview mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it looked like the old man on the moped! "Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?!" But again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh! Ka-BbblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man!!! He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Omigosh! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man whispers in the young man's ear, "Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!
Subject: FriendsRocks
Date: Tuesday, April 18, 2000 9:24 AM
This is a test...... of the emergency friendship system.......
A Friend......
(A)ccepts you as you are
(B)elieves in "you"
(c)alls you just to say "HI"
(D)oesn't give up on you
(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
(F)orgives your mistakes
(G)ives unconditionally
(H)elps you
(I)nvites you over
(J)ust "be" with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
(L)oves you for who you are
(M)akes a difference in your life
(N)ever Judges
(O)ffer support
(P)icks you up
(Q)uiets your fears
(r)aises your spirits
(S)ays nice things about you
(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it
(U)nderstands you
(V)alues you
(W)alks beside you
(X)-plains thing you don't understand
(Y)ells when you won't listen and
(Z)aps you back to reality
OK THIS IS A TEST TO SEE HOW MANY FRIENDS YOU HAVE!!!! DON'T BE HURT BY THIS IF NO ONE SENDS IT BACK, IT IS JUST A TEST. OK, HERE GOES, INSTANTLY WHEN YOU RECEIVE THIS, SEND IT TOO TEN PEOPLE, INCLUDING THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU. THANK YOU.
God's Creation
And God created Woman.
And She was Good.
And she had two arms, two legs, and three breasts.
And God asked Woman what she would like to have changed about herself.
And she asked for her middle breast to be removed.
And it was good.
She stood with her third breast in her hand and asked God what should be done with the useless boob.
And God created Man.
Subject: God Is A Little Like...
Date: Tuesday, April 04, 2000 9:22 PM
MAY GOD BE WITH YOU AND BLESS YOU! Send this to the people you care about! "Don't let my love grow cold" -Light the Fire Again
Hair Spray!
From: C. Blair
Date: Monday, April 17, 2000 11:58 AM
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of a road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight. The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says (Are you ready for this?) (Are you sure?) (This is bad!) (You know you could just click off and not read the punchline) (You know your gonna be sorry) (Last chance) (OK, here it is) It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."
Ice Cream for the Soul
Last week I took my children to a restaurant. My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good. God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all! Amen!"
Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice-cream! Why, I never!" Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong?Is God mad at me?" As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentle man approached the table.
He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer." "Really?" my son asked "Cross my heart." Then in theatrical whisper he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."
Naturally, I bought my kid's ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his for a moment and then did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and without a word walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes and my soul is good already."
The End (I loved the story, and I hope you like it too. Please keep it moving.}
Only in America!!
From: C. Blair
To: Lander lander@naxs.net;
Date: Thursday, April 20, 2000 7:58 AM
NOTHING IS FUNNIER THAN THE TRUTH
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
ONLY IN AMERICA!!!!!
KIDS IN CHURCH
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
A father took his 5-year-old son to several baseball games where The Star-Spangled Banner was sung before the start of each game. Then the father and son attended a church on a Sunday shortly before Independence Day. The congregation sang The Star-Spangled Banner, and after everyone sat down, the little boy suddenly yelled out, "PLAY BALL!!!"
A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service: "And forgive us our trash passes as we forgive those who passed trash against us."
After a church service on Sunday Morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit and listen."
A Sunday School teacher challenged her children to take some time on Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God. They were to bring their letter back the following Sunday. One little boy wrote, "Dear God, We\line had a good time at church today. Wish you could have been there."
A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, "Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you..."
Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across safely. He used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters and call in an air strike. They sent in bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Joey, is that REALLY what your teacher taught you?" his mother\line asked. "Well, no, Mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
A child came home from Sunday School and told his mother that he had learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear named Gladly. It took his mother a while before she realized that the hymn was really "Gladly The Cross I'd Bear."
It was that time during the Sunday morning service for "the children's sermon," and all the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said to her, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Bobby looked up into her face and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
Airborne Kitten!!!
From: J. Myers
Subject: Fw: Airborne Kitten (funny)
Date: Monday, April 10, 2000 9:40 PM
Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about a pastor. He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc. The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and drove away so that the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten. He did all this, checking his progress in the car frequently, then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved a little further forward....the rope broke. The tree went "boing!" and the kitten instantly sailed through the air-out of sight. The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they'd seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten. So he prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to Your keeping," and went on about his business. A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. Now this woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, "Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?" She replied, "You won't believe this," and told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the mom finally told her little girl, "Well, if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it." (You can see where this is going) She told the pastor, "I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws spread out, and landed right in front of her."
I Loved you enough
(MEAN MOTHERS )
From: B. Watkins
Date: Wednesday, March 29, 2000 1:59 PM
Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them:
I loved you enough ... to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.
I loved you enough ... to insist that you save your money and buy a bike for yourself even though we could afford to buy one for you.
I loved you enough ... to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.
I loved you enough ... to make you go pay for the bubble gum you had taken and tell the clerk, "I stole this yesterday and want to pay for it."
I loved you enough ... to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.
I loved you enough ... to let you see anger, disappointment and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.
I loved you enough ... to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.
But most of all, I loved you enough ... to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it. Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.
And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them...
Was your Mom mean? I know mine was. We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.
When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.
Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison.
She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them.
She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.
We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.
She always insisted on us telling the truth the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds.
Then, life was really tough! Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them.
While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to Wait until we were 16.
Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced:
None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault.
Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was.
I think that is what's wrong with the world today. It just doesn't have enough mean moms.
PASS THIS ON TO ALL THE MEAN MOTHERS YOU KNOW
Subject: MAMMOGRAM
From: j. hopkins
Date: Saturday, April 01, 2000 12:27 PM
OUR FIRST MAMMOGRAM
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test, and best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.
EXERCISE 1:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
EXERCISE 2:
Visit your garage at 3 AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.
EXERCISE 3:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the frozen bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.
You are now properly prepared.
Just a thought for all the women out there:
MENtal illness MENstrual cramps MENtal breakdown MENopause Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men? And when we're really having trouble, it's HYSterectomy.
Send this to all of the women you know and brighten their day.
Jim &Joy hopkins@centex.net http://geocities.datacellar.net/hopkins1998/
Michael
From: r. long
Date: Saturday, March 11, 2000 7:34 AM
Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a natural motivate. If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Mike, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life." "Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. "Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life." I reflected on what Michael said. Soon thereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it. Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied. "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter," Michael replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live." "Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked. Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man.' I knew I needed to take action." "What did you do?" I asked. "Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Michael. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity.' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead." Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.
______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
Natural Highs
Falling in love.
Laughing so hard your face hurts.
A hot shower.
No lines at the Super Walmart.
A special glance
Getting mail.
Taking a drive on a pretty road.
Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
Hot towels out of the dryer.
Walking out of your last final.
Finding the item you want is on sale for half price
Chocolate milkshake.
A long distance phone call.
Getting invited to a dance.
Giggling.
A good conversation.
A care package.
The beach.
Finding a $20 bill in your coat from last winter
Laughing at yourself.
Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
Running through sprinklers.
Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
Laughing at an inside joke.
Friends.
Falling in love for the first time.
Slumber parties.
Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep
Your first kiss.
Being part of a team.
Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
Playing with a new puppy.
Late night talks with your roommate that keep you from sleeping.
Letting someone play with your hair.
Sweet dreams.\line Hot chocolate.
Road trips with friends.
Swinging on swings.
Watching a good movie cuddled up on a couch with someone you love
Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while eating cookies
and drinking eggnog.
Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along
without feeling stupid.
Going to a really good concert.
Getting butterflies in your stomach every time you see that one
person.
Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
Winning a really competitive game.
Making chocolate chip cookies!
Having your friends send you homemade cookies!
Spending time with close friends!
Running through the fountains with your friends.
Riding a bike downhill.
The feeling after running a few miles-an accomplishment
The feeling you get the first time you step on stage.
Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends..
Holding hands with someone you care about.
A back rub.
Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good
or bad) never change
Discovering that love is unconditional and stronger than time.
Riding the best roller coasters over and over.
Hugging the person you love.
Watching the expression someone's face as they open a
much-desired present from you.
Kisses on your forehead from the first and only person you have
ever loved.
Watching the sunrise.
"Getting out of bed every morning and thanking God for another beautiful day."
"Knowing that you are loved, and KNOWING that Jesus Died for you."
THE OLD STORY
ORIGINAL VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
MODERN AMERICAN VERSION
* The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
*CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
*America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
*Then a representative of the NAGB (The National Association of Green Bugs) shows up on night line and charges the ant with green bias, and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism.
* Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when he sings "It's not easy being green."
*Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS Evening News to tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do everything they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers.
*Richard Gephardt exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."
*Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act" retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
*Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal hearing officers that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare moms who can only hear cases on Thursday's between 1:30 and 3 PM.
* The ant loses the case...
* The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he's in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him since the doesn't know how to maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant's food,\line they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats announcing that a new era of "fairness" has dawned in America
The top 50 Oxymorons....
E-mail From: C. Gordon
Subject: Fw: The top 50 oxymorons.....
Date: Friday, April 07, 2000 1:52 AM
You know what a oxymoron is (two words that together make no sense)?
This is the biggest list of them I have ever seen. Enjoy!
Top 50 OXYMORONS:
50. Act naturally.
49. Found missing.
48. Resident alien.
47. Advanced BASIC.
46. Genuine imitation.
45. Airline food.
44. Good grief.
43. Same difference.
42. Almost exactly.
41. Govenment Organization.
40. Sanitary landfill.
39. Alone together.
38. Legally drunk.
37. Silent scream.
36. British fashion.
35. Living dead.
34. Small crowd.
33. Business ethics.
32. Soft rock.
31. Butt Head.
30. Military Intelligence.
29. Software documentation.
28. New York culture.
27. New classic.
26. Sweet sorrow.
25. Childproof.
24. "Now, then ..."
23. Synthetic natural gas.
22. Christian Scientists.
21. Passive aggression.
20. Taped live.
19. Clearly misunderstood.
18. Peace force.
17. Extinct life.
16. Temporary tax increase.
15. Computer jock.
14. Plastic glasses.
13. Terribly pleased.
12. Computer security.
11. Political science.
10. Tight slacks.
9. Definite maybe.
8. Pretty ugly.
7. Twelve-ounce pound cake.
6. Jumbo shrimp.
5. Rap music.
4. Working vacation.
3. Exact estimate.
2. Religious tolerance.
1. Microsoft Works.
Parenting
E-mal From: R. Parker
Subject: Parenting:
April 06, 2000 10:14 PM
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas. THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN (HONEST AND NO KIDDING):
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
A 3 year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
Super glue is forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens. The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
From: C. Blair
Date: Friday, March 31, 2000 2:21 PM
I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet. Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine. I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible. How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word "refrigeration" mean nothing to you? How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched Jeopardy on television? I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour?" She would gasp and stammer, "I can't." Check one: "My hair is dirty." "I wish I had known yesterday." "I had a late breakfast." "It looks like rain." And my personal favorite: "It's Monday". She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together. Because Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect. We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Stevie toilet-trained. We'll entertain when we replace the carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college. Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, And the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm going to," "I plan on" and "Someday, when things are settled down a bit." When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of roller blades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord. My lips had not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my hips with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy. Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to .... Not something on your SHOULD DO list. Author unknown
HOW POOR ARE
From: K. Hodge To:
Subject: HOW POOR ARE...
Date: Tuesday, April 11, 2000 6:48 PM
Subject: Hmmmm
One day a very wealthy father took his son on a trip to the country for the sole purpose of showing his son how it was to be poor. They spent a few days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. After their return from the trip, the father asked his son how he liked the trip. "It was great, Dad," the son replied. "Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked. "Oh Yeah," said the son. "So what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father. The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them." The boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "It showed me how poor we are." Too many times we forget what we have and concentrate on what we don't have. What is one person's worthless object is another's prize possession. It is all based on one's perspective. It makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks to God for all the bounty we have been provided by Him, instead of worrying about wanting more. Take joy in all He has given each and every one of us, especially rejoice in our friends.