DIARY OF AN ANONYMOUS WOOBIE!

SECRETS REVEALED!!!

I recently received the following excerpts from a long-hidden docoument, "The Diary of an Anonymous Woobie".
My source, the author himself, has requested that his anonymity continue to be protected. So I will simply thank him for allowing me to publish his experiences here. And since he's shared his story so graciously, I promise I won't pull his stuffing out if he should ever visit personally.

Day 1: Today was my lucky day. I was sitting there along with my other friends and then voila... I'm suddenly on my way to meet my new family. When I arrived I was greeted with much fanfare, and one family member in particular took a unique liking to me. He grabbed me, hugged me, and carried me around to meet everybody. Boy, am I one happy creature!

Day 2: Things have settled down somewhat but they're great just the same. My close friend likes to take me everywhere and even sleeps with me. He can get a little slobbery at times but hey, its still far better than the place I used to be.

Day 3: I think I did something wrong. My good friend took me aside today and rattled the heck out of me. He even threw me in the air and forgot to catch me. Maybe in time I'll figure out what I did that was so bad to make him treat me this way.

Day 4: Someone put me in a box and now I'm being pelted by water. I feel my insides getting mushy. Now what? Looks like I'm going in another box. Things are starting to spin around. Now its getting warm inside here. Why are they treating me like this?

Day 5: I'm beginning to not like these people very much. My friend even bit me today. Doesn't matter, I'm getting tired of him drooling all over me anyway. I think it's time to start fighting back. I know, I think I'll move somewhere so that someone trips on me and falls down. Then when no one else is looking, I'm going to make evil faces at my "so-called" friend.

Day 6: Wow, feeling angry, mean, and evil is fun! I've scared the daylights out of my friend so many times today that he won't even close his eyes to sleep. He looks at me and I just keep giving him the evil eye back. Tomorrow I'm going to start in on the rest of the family.

Day 7: I must have fallen asleep. Wha..what's happening? My friend is starting to poke at me. Now he's biting me. Oh my God, he's opened a hole in me! I'm starting to leak. He won't stop. He's actually pulling my insides out and putting them everywhere! Oh oh, I'm blacking out...everything is getting dark.......

Day 8: Who am I? How did I get here? Who are these people? And what's with that big toothy grin inches from my face?

excerpted from The Diary of an Anonymous Woobie
and reprinted with permission of the author

Blaze

Canine Clowns

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