JOKES
# Daddy! What do we mean by self-respect?" "Dear Son! It is a virtue found only in unmarried persons!" # A photographer, while taking a photograph of Churchill at his completing his 80th birthday, remarked out of sheer courtesy. "I hope to photograph you next year also". "Why not youngman," said Churchill and added: "I see you are quite hale and hearty!" # A lady teacher in a primary class instructed to the students- "Children, I want all of you to be so quiet that if a pin is dropped, it may also be heartd." The Children kept quiet. After some time a child cried "Madam, please drop the pin!" # "You need not be afraid my dog," said a housewife to a salesman, hesitating at the gate and added "Don't you remember the barking dogs seldom bite." "But are you sure the dog also remmbers it!"the salesman replied. # Lawyer: "Okay,Ravi, so you want me to defend you. How much money you will pay me?" Ravi: I have no money,Sir. I am a poor fellow. But I have a Car only." Lawyer: "Good, you can raise money on that. Now tell me, what do they accuse you of?" Ravi: "Stealing a Car.Sir!!" # Servant(to the master)- "I am leaving this job." Master-"Why." "Because you have no faith in me." replied the servant. "Who says it. I even leave my safe-keys with you." "Yes, but none of them fits the safe-lock!" Complained the servant. # A fun-loving peon shouted in the office- "Has anybody lost a big bundle of currency notes tied in a rubberband? "Yes, I have" cried 3-4 persons together. "But I have found this rubberband only," said the laughing peon. # A six year old son enquired from his father: "Daddy! Who is more intelligent, me or you?" "Myself son!" "How?" "Because I have more experience. I have learned more." "Then you must be knowing who discovered America." "Why not son! Columbus discovered America," the father said proudly. "Why not Columbus's daddy? He should have been more intelligent than his son!" argued the genius. # A newly wed bride, novice in cooking, asked her husband in affectionate expectation: "What would I get if I serve you such food daily?" "My life-insurance money" answered the annoyed husband. # The doctor smiled as he entered the room. "You look much better today". "Yes, I followed the directions on you medicine bottle". "What are they?" "Keep the bottle tightly closed!" # "My next-door neighbour's living on borrowed time" "Is he that ill?" "No, he still hasn't given back the watch he borrowed from me six months ago!" # "Would you like to dance with me?" "No, I don't dance with a baby" "I am sorry, I didn't know you're pregnant!" # Janet: "Now that we are engaged, I hope you'll give me a ring?" Ted: "Of course my love, what's your phone number? # Doctor:"How often does the pain come on?" Patient:"Every five minuted." Doctor:"And lasts?" Patient:"Well, a quarter of an hour, at least!" # Son: "Dad, what's the difference between?" Father: "Between what, son!" Son: "I'm not giving you any clues!" # "You must give up coffee and..." "I never drink it, Doctor." "And stop smoking." "I don't smoke." "Humph! That's bad. If you haven't anything to give up, I am afraid I can't do much for you!" # Absent-minded Professor:"I remember your name, but I'm afraid I've forgotten your face!" # I've received an anonymous letter." "Oh, who from?"
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